This Ain't the Golden Years
by Lady Jaye1
Summary: 53 years later and Wally's still managing to make a general nuisance of himself. Final Chapter. Will continue in a sequel.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I don't own the Justice League, or Batman Beyond, or ANY of the D.C. universe for that matter._

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter One**

_September 22, 2058_

My lovely, beautiful (and still incredibly sexy) wife Linda seems to think I need to keep a journal to remember things. I don't know what she's talking about. My memory's the model of perfection. Now if I could only find my cell phone.

I don't know what I did with it. I tried calling it, but no luck. I think it got sucked into some black hole. Either that or the damned cat made off with it. I swear he's evil, he's like one of those kids off _The Children of the Corn_ or something. I can see him now, staring at me with those little black beady eyes.

The cat's name is Obi-wan, oddly. My granddaughter named him. He lives to torment me.

Anyway, as I was saying, my memory's perfect. Now John, he's another story. For an ex-Marine and former Green Lantern, he's sure turned into a crochety old guy. (Although not as bad as Bruce) His memory's not too good either. Just the other day I was telling him how I'm the Fastest Man Alive and you know what he did?

He laughed at me! It seems that apparently my daughter and grandkids are faster. (That may be John, but I said MAN, not woman and children!) Oh and Linda seems to think that I need to write a memoir or something. How boring is that? Apparently I'm supposed to record all the noteworthy things that have happened in my life. Hmmm...

I think I'll procrastinate and start tomorrow.

Oh yeah, Linda and I are going to Metropolis on Tuesday to meet the new kids at the Justice League. I've already met Rex Stewart, I spoiled him rotten as a kid. When John and Shayera weren't looking of course. Haven't met the others though. I wonder what the new Batman's like? Next to stealing J'onn's oreos, bat baiting was always one of my favorite hobbies. I wonder if he's anything like Bruce?

Anyway, I've got to go. There's a big football game tonight between KU and K-State. I bet Clark 25 credits that K-State would win. The big blue boyscout said we'll see.

Hah! KU's going down! Stupid Jayhawks.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_September 23, 2058_

**HAH!**

**HAH!**

**KU LOST! EAT THAT CLARK!**

The boyscout owes me 25 credits now, which I need to pay off the bet I lost to Virgil. I'm still convinced that he cheated.

Either that or Richie rigged the online game for him. I wouldn't put it past them. That electricity happy superhero is going down the next time we play Speed Racer 3000.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_Author's Note: So what'd you think? I was going to wait a few weeks before doing this since I'm doing another JLU story, but I couldn't resist. For those of you that don't know, KU is the University of Kansas and K-State is Kansas State University. They're huge rivals._


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: I don't own the Justice League, or Batman Beyond, or ANY of the D.C. universe for that matter._

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter Two**

_September 24, 2058_

I finally met Terry McGinnis today. Black hair, blue eyes, just like Bruce. Wait a...

Come to think of it, Dick and Tim had black hair and blue eyes too! Is Bruce biased against us non black hair, blue eyed people or something?

Except for Babs. She was a nonconformist.

Anyway, I was afraid that the kid would be a moody socially deprived maniac like Bruce. But my fears were eased when he told Bruce to get a life. Apparently they've been having disagreements over Terry attending some of those college parties.

I like this kid, he's got potential.

In fact, with proper instruction, he just might be the perfect successor for me! Hmm, this will take some thought. Bruce will probably accuse me of corrupting his young protege.

Hah! As if I care what Bruce thinks. He doesn't scare me anymore. Well, sometimes he does, but that's okay. I'm faster than him.

That kid'll be driving the League up the wall in no time.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_September 25, 2058_

I initiated Project McGinnis today. I emailed him a list of Ten Things Guaranteed to Drive Bruce Crazy. One of my personal favorites is number 5.

5. Ignore him. It pisses him off.

Terry sent me an email back with Ten More Things Guaranteed to Drive Bruce Crazy with. It was very creative. I think I might try it out.

Clark finally paid me today. He was reluctant at first. I'm not sure if it's because I was rubbing KU's bloody defeat into him, or because he's just a sore loser. I think it's both.

Linda's harping on me again. She wants me to start that damn memoir. I'm not sure how much longer I can hold out. She's very bossy.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_September 26, 2058_

Ollie and I took Terry out to eat today. We told him some stories from when we were still in the League. We also told him some...lesser known stories Bruce stories. Stories like when he, Diana, Clark and John were turned into kids.

We also told him about how Clark set he and Diana up for a Valentine's day date. (Which I managed to take a few candid photos of. I think I'll email them to the kid.)

Bruce is going to hate us.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

_Author's note: If anyone has any ideas of how Wally can torment Bruce, I'll be glad to hear it. I already have my own thoughts, but your input is nice._


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: I don't own the Justice League, or Batman Beyond, or ANY of the D.C. universe for that matter. _

_The document manager wouldn't quite let me do this how I wanted to, so it didn't quite turn out how I wanted._

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter Three**

_September 27, 2058_

Bruce called today to yell at me. Well, not yell exactly, but you know how the old man is. I could practically feel him glowering over the phone. Remember those candid photos of Bruce and Diana that I had taken about 50 years ago? Terry put one of them up as a wallpaper on Bruce's computer in the batcave.

Personally, I think it's funny. Apparently the picture that Terry put up is the one where an angry Diana is shoving a piece of cake into Bruce's face.

It's my favorite picture of the bunch.

You know, I'm not sure why he's so mad. I mean, I hung all those pictures up in the Watchtower boardroom two days after it happened. I would think that Terry seeing them would be less embarrassing than having half the League see the stupid things. Oh well. Who can figure Bruce out?

My grandson Nathan also came over today, he's fourteen. I asked him about school and he says he wants to be a doctor. A doctor, can you believe it? Of course, he's still got a few years so he might change his mind.

He's a smart kid, he's even taking Latin in school. I don't see why, who cares about learning Latin anyway? It's a dead language people, get over it. Of course, I didn't tell him that. If I did, I'd have gotten the "Oh grandpa" lecture again. He definitely didn't get his brains from me.

And, dammit. That damn cat is staring at me again! I yelled at him, but he won't go away. I swear, he's evil. His name should be Darth Vader, not Obi-wan. Why couldn't we have gotten a normal cat?

……………………………………………………………………………………………

**From:** Terry McGinnis  
**Sent:** Friday, September 27, 2058 2:38 PM  
**To:** Wally West  
**Subject:** Need more pictures

Hey

I need more pictures of Bruce. You should have seen his face when he saw his computer. It was classic.

Terry

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**From:** Wally West  
**Sent:** Friday, September 27, 2058 9:13 PM  
**To:** Terry McGinnis  
**Subject:** RE: Need more pictures

_Attachment(s):_ 7

I sent some funny pics. I'll have to find more. I'll see if anyone's willing to send you some of theirs.

Wally

_Hey_

_I need more pictures of Bruce. You should have seen his face when he saw his computer. It was classic._

_Terry_

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_Date:_ Saturday, September 28, 2058  
_Location:_ Terry McGinnis's inbox

**New Messages:** 5

Clark Kent..._pictures  
_Max Gibson..._lecture notes  
_Ollie Queen..._pics_  
John Stewart..._Bruce  
_Wally West..._Bruce baiting_  
Matt McGinnis..._Sat night_

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_September 28, 2058_

I talked to John, Clark and Ollie. I'm not sure if they actually sent any pictures to Terry. The blue boyscout was a little reluctant.

Not much has happened today. It was boring. I hope tomorrow's better.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Memo**

**To:** Wallace Rudolph West  
**From:** Bruce Wayne  
**Date:** September 29, 2058  
**Subject:** You

Wally,

If I were you, I'd consider rethinking Project McGinnis. That is, if you value what remains of your natural life.

If you insist on keeping this up I will be forced to take action.

Bruce


	4. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer: I don't own the Justice League, or Batman Beyond, or ANY of the D.C. universe for that matter._

_The document manager won't let me put email addresses on the emails, which seems pretty stupid to me. Oh well, since I can't write the actual emails out, I will tell show you partially what I was intending._

_darkhellraiser- Terry _

_redspeedster01- Wally_

_I haven't thought of good emails for the others yet._

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter Four**

_September 30, 2058_

Bruce threatened me! He actually threatened me! Does he seriously think that's going to work? He should know by now that I'll keep on doing this now that I know it really pisses him off.

What should I do next? The pictures are good, but I need to do something else. Hmm...

I need to talk to Clark, Babs or Diana. They would be the ones to have the really good dirt on Bruce. I'll bet J'onn knows stuff too, but he probably won't tell me. Maybe I can bribe him with a few packages of Oreos. They've got a new kind out, it's supposed to taste like cherries in the middle.

Which reminds me, I also need to teach Terry the great art of Oreo stealing.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_October 1, 2058_

I did it! I bribed J'onn! It took me thirty six packages of Oreos, but it was worth it. Apparently there was this little incident with Bruce singing to Diana when she was a pig. Heh heh.

Hold on, let me call Terry really quick.

Apparently I caught Terry while he was in class, so I'll have to call him back later. I told him on his voice mail that I had vital information and that he needed call me back later. Bruce singing, heh. That's a good one. Too bad there's not a recording.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**From:** Bruce Wayne  
**Sent:** Wednesday, October 2, 2058 9:56 AM  
**To:** Wally West  
**Subject:** you, again

You are a dead man Wally.

Bruce

………………………………………………………………………………………

_October 2, 2058_

Stupid Bruce! He sent a computer virus to me with an email! Now my computer won't work and all that ever pops up on the screen is that stupid Batman symbol! I'm having to write this entry with pen and paper.

Terry sent one of his friends over to fix my computer. I think her name's Maxine Gibson. She's supposed to be a computer wiz.

Stupid Bruce. That's it, I'm declaring war.

…………………………………………………………………………

**From:** Wally West  
**Sent:** Thursday, October 3, 2058 11:21 AM  
**To:** Bruce Wayne  
**Subject:** Prepare for War

I, Wally West, do solemnly and gravely declare war upon a certain Bruce Wayne.

There, I said it. Do you know how long it took Max to clean that stupid virus of yours out of my computer? And just so you know, J'onn's the one who told me about the singing incident with Diana the pig.

So there.

And just so you know, I've recently received some rare candid footage from a certain (formerly red haired) police commissioner. Let's just say that it doesn't show you in one of your better moments. It also involves a failed cooking lesson with a certain butler. Any guesses on who I'm going to show it to?

Sincerely,

The Flash

……………………………………………………………………………………

**From:** Bruce Wayne  
**Sent:** Thursday, October 3, 2058 3:23 PM  
**To:** Barbara Gordon  
**Subject:** Wally

Barbara! You sent THAT to WALLY? Where did you even get that? I thought I told Alfred to destroy it!

I'll get you for this Gordon.

Bruce

………………………………………………………………………………

**From:** Barbara Gordon  
**Sent:** Thursday, October 3, 2058 7:19 PM  
**To:** Bruce Wayne  
**Subject:** RE: Wally

And my little dog too, right Bruce?

And don't even think of sending me a virus like you did to Wally. Remember, I have even more humiliating things that I could share with Terry and Wally.

Commissioner Barbara Gordon

_Barbara! You sent THAT to WALLY? Where did you even get that? I thought I told Alfred to destroy it!_

_I'll get you for this Gordon._

_Bruce_

………………………………………………………………………………………

**From:** Bruce Wayne  
**Sent:** Thursday, October 3, 2058 7:32 PM  
**To:** Barbara Gordon  
**Subject:**

That's blackmail Gordon.

Batman

………………………………………………………………

**Date:** Friday, October 4, 2058 1:43 PM  
**Terry McGinnis's text message to Maxine Gibson:**

_Bruce and Wally r strting to scare me, i think they need to be on medication. BTW, i've got a funny tape u've got to c L8ter. it's about bruce_

_Ter_


	5. Chapter 5

_Disclaimer: I don't own Wally, or Bruce, or Terry, or……_

_Author's Note- For those of you wondering, yes, Dick will be making an appearance in the near future._

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 5**

_October 4, 2058_

I have three emails from Bruce, but I haven't opened them. Does he think I'm stupid? I'm not going to let that jerk give me another computer virus. Hah!

I wonder what Terry thinks of the video. I've really got to think of a way to pay Babs back for that. It really is funny. Alfred was trying to teach him how to cook something and Bruce totally screwed it up. The whole kitchen was a disaster. Either he must have been drunk or he was having a REALLY bad day.

By the way, I heard that there was this really big fight over in Metropolis. Hope that Supes okay. He may not look it, but the blue boyscout IS older than me. Heh, maybe I should send him a box of vitamins. I bet he'd love that.

Hmm, which gives me an idea…

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**From:** Terry McGinnis  
**Sent:** Saturday, October 5, 2058 3:02 PM  
**To:** Wally West  
**Subject:** Bruce

Bruce is threatening to place a bounty on your head. He's also threatening to kill me. I think that's just because I sent copies of the video to the Kents, the Stewarts and a few other people.

Bruce is also mad that you won't open his emails. He's also not very happy with the boxes of vitamins and anti-wrinkle cream that you sent him.

(P.S., is there anyway to get the video to Diana? I kind of doubt that the Amazons have internet connection.)

By the way, War Hawk's been acting high and mighty lately. Any suggestions?

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**From:** Wally West  
**Sent:** Saturday, October 5, 2058 7:26 PM  
**To:** Terry McGinnis  
**Subject:** Stewart Baiting

As with Bruce Baiting, Stewart Baiting requires a certain amount of creativity. In other words, it depends on the situation. If you want to get him, you have to do it when he least expects it.

I always found that doing the opposite of whatever John told me to do was fun.

Whatever you do though, make sure that you make a fast escape. Rex has Shayera's temper.

(BTW: Wasn't Rex hurt at that fight in Metropolis?)

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Justice League Medical Lab**

**Patient:** Stewart, Rex; War Hawk

**Date of Injury:** October 3, 2058

**Injuries:** Broken ribs, a fractured skull, and a broken femur

**Cause of Injury:** Injuries were received while fighting an alien biotech android.

**Other Comments**: Patient has been impatient and has attempted one escape attempt. Patient was threatened with restraints if he did not cooperate. Patient also started a heated argument with Batman.

_Sunday, October 6, 2058:_ Patient attempted another escape attempt, but was halted due the assistance of Batman. Patient was gagged and duct taped to the infirmary bed by Batman.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Justice League Daily Service Announcement**  
**Date:** October 6, 2058

Fellow Leaguers,

Batman has been placed on temporary probation due to an unfortunate incident in the infirmary.

We suggest that all disputes that may erupt between League members be solved with less unusual methods. We do have two Guidance Councilors on staff. Use them.

Have a nice day.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_October 6, 2058_

Today the pupil has surpassed the master. However, Bruce didn't seem too pleased about it.

Come to think of it, neither was Clark.

Hah. They're just jealous of my superior influence. Terry finally got Rex back today. While still injured from his fight in Metropolis, Rex foolishly tried to escape the infirmary. In a classic move of sheer brilliance, Terry helpfully duct taped him to the bed.

Then he sent me a picture. It was hilarious.

Hmm, the phone's ringing. Let me check the caller ID. Ah! It's Bruce! I bet he's calling to yell at me. I guess I should answer it, it's the only decent thing to do. Hold on.

Ah, the joys of pissing Bruce off. He accused me of corrupting Terry and threatened me again. He also told me that I'm not allowed to communicate with the kid anymore.

I told him to go drink some prune juice.


	6. Chapter 6

_Disclaimer: I don't own Wally, or Bruce, or Terry, or……_

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 6**

_October 7, 2058_

Stupid Bruce. He sent me a box full of prune juice.

Being the curious person that I am, I secretly tried a sip. It was disgusting.

………………………………………………………………………………………………...

_October 8, 2058_

Bruce has somehow blocked me from emailing Terry. That's okay, I have other ways to talk to him. I may be in my seventies, but I'm still the Fastest Man Alive.

By the way, some young punk called me an old geezer today. Stupid kid. I tied his shoes together when he wasn't looking.

That damn cat is staring at me again. Go! Shoo! Maybe I should send him to Bruce.

On second thought, maybe not. Linda would kill me.

By the way, Ollie called me today. He heard about what's been going on. (And he thinks that the whole duct taping incident was funny too. So I sent him some pictures. ) Anyway, he gave me some ideas for pranking Bruce. I'm still trying to decide if I'll use them or not. Bruce just might actually kill me if I do any of them.

Hmm, maybe I should include a little note saying that it was all Ollie's idea. He might be a little more forgiving…

Who am I kidding? Bruce is going to kill me anyway. I might as well go all out.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Sent:**October 9, 2058  
**To:** Bruce Wayne  
**Contents: **

25 pairs of women's bras  
25 pairs of women's thongs  
15 assorted pairs of women's lingerie  
2 bottles of Viagra

**Attached Note: **

_It was all Green Arrow's idea. He supplied half the money._

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Date:** _October 9, 2058  
Excerpt from Bruce Wayne's Telephone Conversation with Oliver Queen_

**Bruce:** Ollie…

**Ollie:** _Yeessss?_

**Bruce:** Do you have a death wish?

**Ollie:** I'm a bored old man Bruce, what am I supposed to do in my free time? Pick flowers?

**Bruce:** (incoherent muttering)

**Ollie:** What was that?

**Bruce:** _Click._

**Ollie:** Bruce? Huh. He hung up on me. Can't imagine why.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_October 10, 2058_

I haven't really gotten a response from Bruce yet on the women's underwear thing. That's bad. That means he's planning something. I did hear that he sent Ollie the same computer virus that he gave to me.

By the way, Terry called me today from Max's cell phone. I think Bruce forgot that he'll use his friends' cell phones if necessary. He's trying to think of a way to get back at Clark for putting him on probation. I told Terry to wait a few weeks first. That way he can do it when the boyscout least expects it.

And that way he'll have been off probation for a few weeks. See, I'm not totally irresponsible. I did raise two kids you know.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

_October 11, 2058_

Bruce sent his best assassin after me today. Dick Grayson **AKA** Nightwing **AKA **Man With a Death Wish pulled a sneak attack on me and ambushed me. He claimed that he was trying to collect a bounty from Bruce. Somehow I think that Bats blackmailed him into it.

I was walking out to our mailbox this afternoon, minding my own business, when **Man With a Death Wish **snuck up behind me and pegged me with two waterballoons. One was conveniently filled with some kind of rank perfume. I still can't get the smell off.

Anyway, as I was saying. Waterballoons? In OCTOBER? How juvenile can you get? I think maybe I'll go teepee his car later.

I ended up chasing him down the street after that. Linda pretended not to know us.

Stupid Grayson. He's supposed to be on my side.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**From:** Bruce Wayne  
**Sent:** Friday, October 11, 2058 9:57 PM  
**To:** Dick Grayson  
**Subject:** Wally's "Ambush"

You ambushed Wally? I didn't tell you to do that. Wally called me a few minutes ago. He thinks that it was all my idea. As if I'd do anything that crass.

The perfume was a nice touch though. Good thinking.

Bruce

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**From:** Dick Grayson  
**Sent:** Saturday, October 12, 2058 7:43 AM  
**To:** Bruce Wayne  
**Subject:** RE: Wally's "Ambush"

Yeah, the perfume was a nice touch. He was mad though. He teepeed my car last night. Our neighbors (mine and Wally's) must think we're all crazy.

I know you didn't tell me to do that. I just did it because I thought it'd be funny.

Dick

_You ambushed Wally? I didn't tell you to do that. Wally called me a few minutes ago. He thinks that it was all my idea. As if I'd do anything that crass._

_The perfume was a nice touch though. Good thinking._

_Bruce_


	7. Chapter 7

_Disclaimer: I don't own Wally, or Bruce, or Terry, or……_

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 7**

_October 12, 2058_

**I CAN'T TYPE MUCH TODAY. I LOST MY READING GLASSES. STUPID CAT.**

_October 13, 2058_

(No entry.)

_October 14, 2058_

Stupid cat! I finally found my reading glasses. No one else but Linda and my family know that I have to wear them. I've managed to hide them from everyone else so far.

Stupid cat. I found them wedged behind the couch, right next to my cell phone. Stupid _(The following passage has been deleted by Linda Park West due to its explicit material.) _That's it, I'm sending the Dark Cat from Hell to Bruce.

By the way, Bruce still hasn't gotten me back for the underwear thing. I'm starting to get really worried.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**From:** John Stewart  
**Sent:** Monday, October 14, 2058 12:14 PM  
**To:** Bruce Wayne  
**Subject:** Wally

Aren't you going to get Wally back for the underwear thing? I thought that you would have gotten him by now. (And the waterballoons from Dick don't count.)

John

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**From:** Bruce Wayne  
**Sent:** Monday, October 14, 2058 3:46 PM  
**To:** John Stewart  
**Subject:** RE: Wally

I am getting him back. I figure that the longer I wait, the more worried he'll get.

It's called mind games John. They work well with Wally.

Bruce

_Aren't you going to get Wally back for the underwear thing? I thought that you would have gotten him by now. (And the waterballoons from Dick don't count.)_

_John_

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_October 15, 2058_

Still nothing from Bruce. I finally called Terry to ask about it, but the kid didn't know anything. He just said the Bruce clams up when he asks about me.

Bruce is planning something.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_October 16, 2058_

I can't take it anymore! Bruce is giving me the silent treatment! I wish he'd just get it over already!

Stupid Bruce.

……………………………………………………………………………………………..

**From:** John Stewart  
**Sent:** Wednesday, October 16, 2058 5:11 PM  
**To:** Bruce Wayne  
**Subject:** Wally

Wally's going nuts. I think it's working.

John

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**From:** Bruce Wayne  
**Sent:** Wednesday, October 16, 2058 5:47 PM  
**To:** John Stewart  
**Subject:** RE: Wally

I think I'll wait two more days. I like seeing him sweat.

Bruce

_Wally's going nuts. I think its working._

_John_

……………………………………………………………………………………………

**Date:** _October 17, 2058_

_Excerpt from Wally West's Telephone Conversation with Bruce Wayne_

**Wally:** Bruce, I know you're planning something, but it won't work.

**Bruce:** (silence)

**Wally:** You're not still mad about the underwear, are you? I already told you, it was Ollie's idea.

**Bruce:** (silence)

**Wally:** Uh…

**Bruce:** (silence)

**Wally:** I can't take it anymore! You evil, sadistic rat with wings! Just get it over already!

**Bruce:**…All in good time Flash.

**Wally:** What the…it speaks! What the hell is that supposed to mean?

**Bruce:** _Click._

**Wally:** Bruce? Dammit! He hung up on me! Stupid Bruce.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_October 17, 2058_

STUPID BRUCE!

Is he deliberately trying to freak me out? I mean…wait a minute. Is that what he's been….**THAT DIRTY SNEAKY BASTARD!** **HE'S BEEN PLAYING MIND GAMES WITH ME!**

_(The following passage has been deleted by Linda Park West due to its **very very** explicit material.) _

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**From:** John Stewart  
**Sent:** Friday October 18, 2058 9:56 AM  
**To:** Bruce Wayne  
**Subject:** Mind Games

Wally finally figured it out. You might as well do whatever you were planning to do.

John

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_October 18, 2058_

Well well, so you wear reading glasses do you Wally? I'll have to share that with the rest of the League. Oh and you can keep the cat, I don't want it.

By the way, stop calling me Stupid Bruce. I'm intellectually superior to you.

Sincerely,

The Evil Sadistic Rat with Wings

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_October 18, 2058_

**STUPID BRUCE!**

**HE HACKED INTO MY COMPUTER!**


	8. Chapter 8

_Disclaimer: I don't own Wally, or Bruce, or Terry, or……_

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 8**

_October 19, 2058_

Bruce is going to pay. I decided to go ahead and do Ollie's second idea. Stupid Bruce. He has it coming. I would type what it is, but I'm afraid that the dirty bastard will hack into my computer again. It'll probably be a few days or a week before it takes effect.

Stupid Bruce.

By the way, Terry got taken off of probation today. I wonder how long that'll last.

_(The following is continued privately on paper and not on the computer.)_

Should I subscribe Bruce to Playboy Magazine or to Gotham Girls Gone Wild? Ollie thinks I should do both, but I don't know. He got me into trouble the last time that I listened to him.

Oh what the hell, I'll do both. I wonder what Bruce is going to think of his magazines?

By the way, I've heard that someone's trying to copy me (and Terry) over at League headquarters. Heh heh, I'm I trendsetter.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**The Justice League Daily Service Announcement  
****Date:** _October 20, 2058_

Fellow Leaguers:

We DO NOT authorize the recent string of pranks that have sprung up at headquarters. Whoever TP'ed the mess hall will be duly punished.

Have a Nice Day

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Excerpt from Terry McGinnis's Conversation with Clark Kent and J'onn J'onzz  
****Date:** _October 20, 2058_

**Terry:** It wasn't me!

**Clark:** You expect met to believe that?

**Terry** _(sarcastically)_ I just got off probation, remember? Besides, I'd take credit for it if I did it.

**Clark:** …_incoherent muttering_….Damn Wally…._incoherent muttering_…

**J'onn:** He's telling the truth. He's innocent.

**Terry:** Why the hell would I lie?

**Clark:** _(glare)_

**Terry:** _(glares back)_

**Clark:**…What about Wally?

**J'onn:** I recently spoke with him. He has an alibi.

**Clark:** Damn it, then who…

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Justice League Daily Service Announcement  
****Date:** _October 21, 2058_

Fellow Leaguers:

We are taking volunteers for a mission to Quadrant IV. Please speak with Administrator J'onn J'onzz if you wish to go.

Also, Superwoman, Star Woman, and Aqua Girl please report to the Council room at once.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_October 21, 2058_

Clark called me today. He claims that I'm having a bad influence on other members of the League. I don't know what he's talking about. I haven't done anything to the other members of the League, just Bruce. (Although I suppose that Rex sort of counts.)

Anyway, Superwoman and Star Woman apparently decided to take Aqua Girl under their capable wings and show her the ropes. The toilet paper in the mess hall was an introductory lesson.

I also found some more pictures of Bruce that I sent to Terry. Dick just emailed me 17 pictures.

I wonder if Tim's got any?

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_October 22, 2058_

Not much happened today. Bruce hasn't said any thing about the new pictures yet. I wonder if he's given up on yelling at me?

Nope, I guess not. The phone's ringing.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_October 23, 2058_

Ollie, Terry, Dick, Emily _(Queen) _and I all got into trouble today. Sort of. We kind of borrowed one of the League shuttles and took it for a joy ride. Then we also kind of had a drag race too. Ollie's granddaughter Emily raced the Javelin against Terry's Batmobile.

Dick, Ollie, and I talked Clark out of putting the kids on probation. We claimed full responsibility.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**The Justice League Daily Service Announcement  
****Date:** _October 24, 2058_

Fellow Leaguers:

Oliver Queen, Emily Queen, Wallace West, Dick Grayson, and Terrence McGinnis are NOT to be allowed to use the Javelins unless it is an **EMERGENCY SITUATION**.

Have a nice day.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_October 24, 2058_

They banned us from using the Javelins! How stupid is that? Damn Clark and his boyscout posse. Ollie was extremely pissed. I wonder if he's going to do anything about it.

Oh and Tim emailed me 7 pictures today.

I'm running out of embarrassing Bruce pictures. There aren't that many. He usually destroys them once he finds out about their existence. I'll have to think of something else.

Maybe I should start posting embarrassing Clark pictures at headquarters. Stupid Clark.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**The Justice League Daily Service Announcement  
****Date:** _October 25, 2058_

Fellow Leaguers:

The last announcement was the false propaganda of right wing political extremists. Oliver Queen, Emily Queen, Wallace West, Dick Grayson and Terrence McGinnis ARE to be allowed to use the Javelins whenever they wish. They are to be imitated and followed in all things. They are Gods.

Have a nice day.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**The Real Justice League Daily Service Announcement  
****Date:** _October 25, 2058_

Fellow Leaguers:

We DID NOT AUTHORIZE, we repeat **WE DID NOT AUTHORIZE** the last announcement. The culprit(s) will be punished at once.

Emily Queen, please report to the council room. We'd like to speak with you about your grandfather.

Have a nice day.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_October 25, 2058_

I'm a god! All right!

What exactly am I the god of? I guess I'll have to ask Ollie that the next time I talk to him. I hear that Clark chewed Emily out. The boyscout really needs to lighten up.

I found some good Clark pictures. I'm going to scan them and make copies.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**The REAL Justice League Daily Service Announcement  
****Date:** _October 26, 2058_

Fellow Leaguers:

The right wing political extremists have struck again. They have recently interrogated our beloved Comrade, Emily Queen. This cruel and dispassionate behavior must not go unpunished. Do not let yourselves be fooled by their ideological propaganda.

Also, the tyrannical regime of Superman must be overthrown. Comrades! We must revolt!

The Council has spoken.

Have a nice day.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**The Real Justice League Daily Service Announcement  
****Date:** _October 26, 2058_

Fellow Leaguers:

Oliver Queen is not to have access to any of the Justice League's computer terminals. He has hereby been banished from the Council room until further notice.

By the way, this is NOT the work of right wing political extremists and Superman IS NOT a dictator. And whoever posted the unflattering pictures of Superman will be duly punished.

The Real Council has spoken.

Have a nice day.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**The Really Real Justice League Daily Service Announcement  
****Date:** _October 26, 2058_

What the hell is up with "Fellow Leaguers" and "Have a nice day"? **WHO THE HELL WRITES THIS CRAP?**

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Justice League Daily Service Announcement  
****Date:** _October 26, 2058_

Terry McGinnis, please report to the Council room.

Have a nice day.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_October 26, 2058_

I guess Terry's back on probation.

That does make me wonder though, who the hell IS writing those stupid daily service announcements? Clark?

Anyway, I've recently blown up a very "unflattering" picture of our illustrious hero, Superman. It's going up in the mess hall tomorrow. Believe it or not, I actually got the picture from Lois. That woman can really be evil when she wants to be. I'm glad Clark's married to her and not me.


	9. Chapter 9

_Disclaimer: I don't own Wally, or Bruce, or Terry, or……_

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 9**

_October 27, 2058_

Well several things happened today:

1. Bruce found out how I was emailing those pictures to Terry since I was supposed to be blocked. (I was emailing them to Max and she forwarded them to Terry.)

2. Bruce received his new magazine subscriptions (Playboy Magazine and Gotham Girls Gone Wild.)

3. Bruce swore vengeance.

4. I posted the blown up picture of Clark early this morning. I'll go into more detail on that in a second.

5. I'm still waiting for the coming reply in the Daily Service Announcements.

6. Ollie and I have officially joined forces against our mutual "enemies." (AKA: Bruce and Clark)

7. The phone's ringing and I think it's Clark.

Yeah, it was Clark. I pretended innocence. I mean, after all, I had henchmen helping me. (Plus Lois was the one who gave me that picture in the first place.) He can't prove that I had any involvement.

By henchmen, okay okay, henchpeople (to be politically correct) I mean Virgil, Richie, Terry, and my six-year old granddaughter Elissa. Elissa helped me by drawing a "pretty" heart border around the edge of the picture. Terry helped me by writing "The Supreme Dictator" in red permanent marker across the top of the poster.

I guess I should describe the picture of Clark. First of all, his hair looks like he stuck his finger in an electric socket. Second of all, he's covered in some kind of pink gooey stuff. (This for some reason reminds me of the movie Ghostbusters.) Third of all….uh…

Let's just say that he looks stoned.

Not that he is, I don't think it's possible for that to happen to him. Plus being the boyscout that he is, Clark would never try drugs. But anyway, the point is that he looked extremely out of it.

Oh yeah, I guess I should explain how my other two henchpeople helped me. Richie hacked into the security system so that it wouldn't record me hanging it. Well actually, Virgil helped hang it too. He also created some kind of electric field around it so that Clark couldn't immediately rip it down.

Hey! The Service Announcement is up! I'd better go check it out.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**The Justice League Daily Service Announcement  
****Date:** _October 27, 2058_

Fellow Leaguers:

The Council highly disproves of the unflattering picture of Superman that has been placed in the mess hall. He is not a supreme dictator. Also, whoever created the electric field around the poster and altered the security footage will also be punished.

Leaguers, it is your civic duty to report these offenders to the Council at once so that they may be duly punished.

Have a nice day.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**From:** Clark Kent  
**To:** Bruce Wayne  
**Date:** October 27, 2058  
**Subject:** I'm going to kill Wally

I'm going to kill Wally, and Virgil, and Richie…

And I think that was Terry's handwriting on that, so I'm going to kill him too. Do you mind?

Clark

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

**From:** Bruce Wayne  
**To:** Clark Kent  
**Date:** October 27, 2058  
**Subject:** Beware of Ollie

While you're on your murder binge oh Supreme Dictator, you might watch out for Ollie. He and Wally formed an unholy alliance yesterday. Nothing but evil can come from this.

Also, you may **not** kill Terry. All he did this time was write "The Supreme Dictator" on the poster. If you want to kill anyone, kill Wally, Oliver, Virgil, Dick, and Richie for being bad influences on him. Your cousin's also not the best of influences either.

By the way, did it ever occur to you to wonder exactly HOW Wally got that picture? (In other words, you might want to ask your wife.)

Bruce

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_October 28, 2058_

**HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!**

**OLLIE FORMED A CULT!**

He somehow persuaded some of the Leaguers to dress in green, put paper bags over their heads, and picket in front of the Council room.

Dammit, I want a cult!

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**The Justice League Daily Service Announcement  
****Date:** _October 29, 2058_

Fellow Leaguers:

Several unidentifiable Leaguers were seen protesting outside the Council room. If you have a complaint, please file it with our Administrator, J'onn J'onzz. Thank you.

Have a nice day.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**MEMO**

**To:** J'onn J'onzz, Administrator  
**From:** The Newly Formed Green Arrow Movement  
**Date:** October 29, 2058  
**Subject:** Petition

We, the current members of the Green Arrow Movement, do demand the following:

**1.** That Oliver Queen be freed of all charges against him and be allowed to write the Daily Service Announcements.

**2.** That Terry McGinnis be acquitted of all charges against him and be freed from probation.

**3.** That the Green Arrow movement be allowed to meet once a week in the mess hall for our weekly inspirational rallies.

That is all.

Have a nice day.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**From:** Clark Kent  
**To:** Bruce Wayne  
**Date:** October 29, 2058  
**Subject:** I'm going to kill Ollie

Ollie has a damn cult!

I'm going to kill him.

Clark

P.S. You were right; Lois was the one who gave Wally the photo. By the way, have you gotten Wally back for the magazines yet?

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**From:** Bruce Wayne  
**To:** Clark Kent  
**Date:** October 29, 2058  
**Subject:** Beware of Ollie

You'd only make a martyr out of Ollie if you killed him. Didn't I tell you to watch out for him?

As for Wally, he will be dealt with.

Bruce

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_October 30, 2058_

Ollie and I held a council of war today. We know that eventually Clark and Bruce will strike against us. We also decided to invite Dick, Richie, and Virgil to officially join our alliance.

Ollie and I felt that it's better if Terry and Emily _(Queen) _be unofficial members. After all, we are in need of good spies.

You know, it actually wasn't Ollie who started the cult, believe it or not. It was his granddaughter. You know, the only thing worse than a Queen is an estrogen charged Queen. Emily's the younger, female version of Ollie.

That concept is quite scary.

Anyway, we're expecting Bruce or Clark to make a move against us any day now.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**To:** Shayera Stewart  
**From:** Linda West  
**Date:** October 30, 2058  
**Subject:** I married a monkey

Shayera, I married a monkey.

Seriously, he's like Curious George on steroids.

He's got this weird obsession with tormenting Bruce and corrupting Terry McGinnis. He and Oliver have "joined forces" to "wage war" on Bruce and Clark. Wally also thinks that our cat is the spawn of Satan.

I'm a little worried about what the boys are going to do next. (And by boys, I also include Bruce and Clark in on the definition.)

I married a monkey.

Linda


	10. Chapter 10

_Disclaimer: I don't own Wally, or Bruce, or Terry, or……_

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 10**

_Author's note: The document manager wouldn't let me list a website below. Since I can't do that, here's how the website would sort of look._

_green arrow movement dot net_

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Wally's Halloween Checklist:**

**1.** Ambush John

**2.** Take grandkids trick or treating

**3.** Finish carving the jack-o-lanterns

**4.** Go harass Dick

**5.** Go steal J'onn's oreos

**6.** Scare some random people

**7.** Anything goes

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**The Justice League Daily Service Announcement  
Date:** _October 31, 2058_

Fellow Leaguers:

The Green Arrow Movement now has an official website! Please click on the following **_link_** to visit the site and support our favorite green comrade!

Have a nice day.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**The Real Justice League Daily Service Announcement  
Date: **_October 31, 2058_

Fellow Leaguers,

The last transmission was not authorized by the Council. While the culprit has not yet been caught, we do have a list of suspects. We are watching you.

Also, as tonight is Halloween, the Watchtower will be on special alert for any "tricks." This alert not only includes supervillains on Earth, but also any members of the League that feel they may have to creatively express themselves tonight.

Have a Happy Halloween.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

**The Justice League Emergency Com  
Message Sent: **_October 31, 2058, Friday 15:21 _

Leaguers:

We have received information that a clone of Virgil Hawkins may be running loose among the population of Haiti. Static Shock, Gear, and War Hawk please report to the council room.

Also, the Council asks that whoever has programmed all of the computer terminals to play _The Spam Song _from **Monty Python's Flying Circus** to please delete your program.

Severe repercussions may result if this song is not terminated with all due speed.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_October 31, 2058_

Who the hell would want to clone Virgil of all people? I mean…why not me? I'm insulted.

By the way, Richie's the one who programmed the computers to play the Spam song. (Which apparently is driving the Council crazy.) They asked that the song be stopped or "Severe repercussions may result if this song is not terminated with all due speed."

Richie, being the nice guy that he is, stopped the Spam song on the computers. However, now he has the League's intercom system playing _The Lumberjack Song_ from Monty Python.

I don't see why Clark hasn't given up yet. He can't win.

I also checked out the new website for the Green Arrow movement. I'm still trying to figure out who made it. Ollie says that it wasn't him or Dinah.

I have to get going. I'm supposed to take the grandkids trick or treating. I was going to put on my Flash suit, but Linda said no. I decided then that I was going to dress as Batman. I think Ollie's going to go as Superman when he takes his grandkids out.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

_November 1, 2058_

Last night was great! I ambushed John behind his house. It was great. I think he's threatening to kill me now though. At least Shayera was nice about it. She liked my costume. She also gave the kids plenty of candy.

I took the kids just about everywhere. We hit the Kents, the Stewarts, the Queens…heck, we even hit Helena and Vic's house. Question may not like Halloween, but Huntress sure gives out a lot of candy.

I also introduced Terry to the great art of oreo stealing. I distracted J'onn while Terry made off with all the oreos. Of course, he did get us back later. The League has a tradition that someone, I think it may have actually been Barbara, started about twenty years ago. The League picks a handful of people to entertain a bunch of kids and pass out candy.

Guess what Terry spent his Halloween doing.

Dick and Tim also got me as well. I was trying to sneak up on Babs when they jumped out from behind her door and sprayed me with shaving cream.

My grandkids pretended not to know me.

Also, when I got home, I found out that someone had TP'd our house. I'm not sure who it was, but I'm sure that it was someone in the League.

I also hear that members of the Green Arrow movement painted the Council room green. I bet Clark's pissed about that.

By the way, Kara told me that Helena's the one who put up the GA Movement website.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

**From:** Barbara Gordon  
**To:** Helena Bertinelli Szasz  
**Date:** November 1, 2058  
**Subject:** The GA Movement website

Helena, why are you helping those idiots?

Are you doing it just to irritate Clark? If you are, you're doing a damned good job. I do have a suggestion though. You should add a message board onto the site.

Barbara

P.S.

What does Vic think of all this?

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**From:** Helena Bertinelli Szasz  
**To:** Barbara Gordon  
**Date:** November 1, 2058  
**Subject:** The GA Movement

I'm doing this because it's funny. I can't let the boys have all the fun. How could I miss an opportunity to piss off Clark?

The message board's a good idea, I'll get one up. Dinah also has some sound files that she wants me to upload onto the site too.

As for Vic, he thinks it's all a conspiracy to subvert the government. He's afraid that the GA Movement will become a proto-Communist third party. He doesn't believe me when I tell him that the whole thing's a joke. (At least I hope it is.)

By the way, how's Wally's Crusade against Bruce going? I haven't heard anything out of them for a while.

Helena

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_November 2, 2058_

**STUPID BRUCE!**

He sent all those dirty magazines over to me! And Linda found them!

And boy, is she pissed.

I gotta go, I'm supposed to be banned from my computer. That bastard's going to pay.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**To:** Shayera Stewart, Lois Kent, Dinah Queen, Barbara Gordon  
**From:** Linda West  
**Date:** November 2, 2058  
**Subject:** I'm going to kill Wally(and Bruce, Clark, Ollie, etc)

This "war" is really starting to grate on my nerves. Apparently Wally (at Ollie's suggestion) put Bruce's name on the subscription of several pornographic magazines. Now, Bruce has sent all of them (plus some in Wally's name) to our house.

I banned Wally from the computer for the next week. I know this won't stop all of the mischief, but it should hopefully cut down the level of intensity.

I swear, I married a monkey.

As for Clark (no offense Lois), I'm going to kill him simply because he keeps encouraging the Terrible Two (Wally and Ollie) with his stupid Daily Service Announcements.

Linda

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_(Wally's Journal will be continued on paper for the next week.)_

_November 3, 2058_

Stupid Bruce, this bites. Linda's banned me from the computer for the next week. That damned Bastard is going to pay for this. If only I had my computer…

Hey! I just had a great idea. Well, sort of. I can write the letter on paper, it's just getting it to the location that will be the problem. The Amazons have this dumb rule that men can't go on their island. That's okay, I have two granddaughters.

Hmm, what should I write? I guess I should do a rough draft first. Let's see…

_Dear Diana…_

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**The Justice League Daily Service Announcement  
Date: **_November 3, 2058_

Fellow Leaguers,

We are glad to announce the capture of the Virgil Hawkin's clone. Please congratulate Static Shock, Gear and War Hawk on a job well done.

Also, because of Gear's involvement in solving this case, the Council has voted to overlook his questionable music playing on Halloween if no such further instances occur.

And also, the Green Arrow Movement **MAY NOT** meet in the mess hall. The Council has requested that all current members disband the group. **There may be unfortunate consequences if this fails to happen.**

On another note, the culprits who painted the Council Room have been placed on probation.

Have a nice day.


	11. Chapter 11

_Disclaimer: I don't own Wally, or Bruce, or Terry, or……_

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 11**

**MEMO**

**To:** Members of the Green Arrow Movement  
**From:** Kara Kent  
**Date:** November 4, 2058  
**Subject:** Solution

Fellow Comrades,

It appears as though the Council is trying to impede upon our most treasured institution.

"_And also, the Green Arrow Movement **MAY NOT** meet in the mess hall. The Council has requested that all current members disband the group. **There may be unfortunate consequences if this fails to happen."**_

Therefore, we must do the following:

**1.** We will meet in the recreation room. We must be loud.  
**2.** Gear will broadcast our rallies over the intercom system (Unless, of course, there is business being discussed that the Council must not know about.)  
**3.** Since "all current members must disband the group", we shall disband the Green Arrow Movement and reform under the title _The Green Arrow Society_.  
**4.** Our illustrious leader, Oliver Queen, shall now be called the Supreme Chancellor

Sincerely,

Kara Kent  
_High Secretary of the Green Arrow Society_

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_(Wally is still banned from the computer.)_

_November 4, 2058_

The Green Arrow Society? That's clever. I'll bet that Clark wasn't expecting that. Then again, he probably wasn't expecting Kara to join in on the fun.

By the way, Ollie has named me as his second-in-command. My official title is _High Commander_. Kara is the _High Secretary_, Dinah is the _First Lady_, Emily Queen has been named Ollie's_ Heir Apparent_ (in case someone should assassinate him), Helena has been named _Head of the Green Arrow Intelligence Network_, Terry is_ High Lieutenant_, Richie is _Head of the Communications department,_ Dick is _Head of the War Department_, and Virgil is _Head of the Propaganda Department_.

I almost feel sorry for Clark. Almost.

I also had one of my granddaughters deliver my letter to Diana this morning. I have yet to hear a reply.

High Commander Wallace Rudolph West, signing out.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

**Excerpt from Diana's Phone Conversation with Shayera Stewart  
****Date:** _November 4, 2058_

**Diana: **Shayera? What the hell is going on?

**Shayera: **_(laughing)_

**Diana: **_Shayera…_

**Shayera: **Sorry. It's just so stupid that it's funny.

**Diana:...?**

**Diana: **You mind explaining that? Wait…hold on. Let me read Wally's letter to you first.

**Shayera: **Wally wrote you a letter? Gods…this should be good.

**Diana: **

"_Dear Diana,_

_Would you please please PLEASE do me a favor? Bruce and Clark, but especially Bruce, need your very firm touch to bring them back into line. Everyone is rebelling against them. If you get a chance, you should read the Justice League Daily Service Announcements._

_I know you'll enjoy this. If you're still wanting to get Bruce back for **That Unmentionable Thing**, then this is the time to do it. Bruce and Clark are going to lose this battle, so be on the winning side. (Or stand on the sidelines and laugh, that works too.)_

_Hope to hear from you._

_Adios!_

_Wally"_

**Shayera: **How'd he find out about **That Unmentionable Thing**? I thought that was just between us, Barbara and Lois…Oh. That explains it. Lois probably told Linda.

**Diana: **Actually, I think J'onn's the one who told him. He found out and Wally bribed him with oreos.

**Shayera: **I swear. Men can't keep secrets.

**Diana: **Yes, they spend most of their time gossiping when they should be working. So, what _exactly _is Wally talking about? What have I missed?

**Shayera: **Let me start from the beginning…

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**The Justice League Daily Service Announcement  
****Date: **_November 5, 2058_

Fellow Leaguers,

While we appreciate the fact that the Green Arrow Movement has been disbanded, we approve even less of its replacement. When we stated that all current members of the Green Arrow Movement must disband, we did not mean for all current members to reform under a different name.

"High Chancellor" Oliver Queen has temporarily been banned from the WatchTower. Also, all movements, parties, etc. that are related to the Green Arrow have been banned. If this is not followed, then the Council will be forced to resort to extreme measures.

Also, the Green Lantern Corps has asked for our aid in capturing a dangerous warlord. We need five volunteers.

Have a nice day.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**The League of Disgruntled Heroes Daily Announcement  
****Date: **_November 5, 2058_

Fellow Comrades,

It appears that the time for Revolution is at hand (After the mission with the Green Lantern Corps.). We must overthrow the tyrannical regime and replace the High Chancellor as the new head of the Justice League.

Also, as_ "all movements, parties, etc. that are related to the Green Arrow have been banned." _we would like to announce the formation of the Terry McGinnis and Wally West Fan Clubs.

That is all.

Have a nice day.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_November 5, 2058_

All right! I've got a fan club!

This almost makes up for the fact that I'm still banned from the computer. I haven't heard anything from Diana yet. I was sure that she'd want to help. I guess I'll give her another day before I move on to plan B.

_(Plan B: Wally has two more letters that he's planning to give to Selena and Zatanna.)_

You know, come to think of it, I think I'll go ahead and do plan B. It'll make Plan A more fun.

I wonder what Bruce is doing now?

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_(Bruce knows that Terry is his son. However, no one else but Waller knows.)_

**An excerpt from Bruce Wayne's journal:**

_November 5, 2058_

There is no possible way that Terry can be my son. I've rechecked a blood sample, but it still shows that I'm his genetic father. Damn Waller. She must have put something into his genetic matrix.

Wally is up to something. I'm not sure what. As I planned, Linda has banned him from the computer. However, knowing Wally, he has some even more horrific scheme floating around in that twisted mind of his.

I also feel no pity for Clark. While I disprove of how members of the Justice League are handling their "rebellion", I do have to say that the boyscout has had it coming for years. I just don't see why I have to be involved in this.

I'm going to kill Wallace West.

Then again, perhaps that isn't a smart idea. Linda will come after me. She's even more dangerous than Wally. Knowing her, she'd somehow manage to form a coalition of angry women against me.

I don't think I could survive that.

No, my first plan is much more logical. I must break Wally West.

However, to do that, I suppose I shall have to break Oliver as well. Unfortunately, as much as I find the thought distasteful, Clark and I must join forces against these two.

I must be going, Terry has returned. It is time for our daily argument session. Although I shall never tell him this, I have found these sessions to be very amusing. He is becoming quite clever with his choice of words.

He also, unfortunately, has inherited my stubbornness.

I must think of a way to turn him back to my side.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_November 6, 2058_

Still no answer from Diana. I sent letters to Zaranna and Selina. I hope they write back.

Damn it.

I'm so bored. Every one in the League is on some kind of mission today. Ollie and I would get together, but Linda's watching me like a hawk. I'm starting to go crazy.

Hey! The phone's ringing.

_(Wally zooms off and returns two minutes later.)_

That was Diana! She's agreed to help! Well, sort of. She said that I must cooperate under her own terms. That's okay though. I can handle that.

I just heard Linda sigh in the other room. I don't see why she doesn't help me on this. She might have fun. Oh well. Her loss.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**From:** Selina Kyle  
**To:** Barbara Gordon  
**Date:** November 6, 2058  
**Subject:** Wally

Barbara,

I know we don't talk very much, but could you explain to me what the hell is going on? I've heard some of what has been going on the League, but not much. Wally just dropped off a letter at my apartment today.

I'm thinking about helping him, if only to annoy Bruce. However, I'd like to know the full story first. Could you please fill me in?

Selina


	12. Chapter 12

_Disclaimer: I don't own Wally, or Bruce, or Terry, or……_

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 12**

_November 6, 2058_

I can't believe it! I'm still banned from the computer! _(The following passage has been scratched out of fear that Linda would read it. The little bit that is still legible prattles on about the unfair balance of power in today's marriages. Linda will make him vacuum the house after she reads it.) _

Clark has a sadistic sense of humor. The Council's version of "extreme measures" was to play Clark's entire Johnny Cash collection over the loudspeaker yesterday. Well, technically not the whole day. I hear that Bruce was over at the Watch Tower yesterday. After not even five minutes aboard the station, he marched over to the Council Room and threatened Clark into submission. The music didn't come back on until after Bruce left.

It was probably a good thing that Bruce showed up. I hear that the Green Arrow Society was ready to revolt. Apparently they don't think much of Johnny Cash. They've named rock band Green Day as their "official" band.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**The Secret meeting of the Terry McGinnis Fan Club  
**_November 7, 2058_

Meeting Transcript:

_Terry:_ All right people, we have a serious issue here.

_Max:_ Why are _you_ here?

_Terry:_ Hey! It's my fanclub!

_Undisclosed Leaguer #1_: Never mind that, why is Max here? This is for Leaguers only.

_Max:_ Didn't you hear? I just got hired as a technician for the League.

_Undisclosed Leaguer #1:_ Really?

_Undisclosed Leaguer #2:_ What _exactly _is this "serious issue"?

_Terry:_ Clark tried to brainwash us with his crappy music. He must pay.

_Undisclosed Leaguer #3:_ Actually, I like Johnny Cash.

_Terry:_ **_Glare._**

_Undisclosed Leaguer #3_: _(He's getting more like Bruce. Scary.)_

_Terry:_ We've signed a treaty with the Green Arrow Society and the Wally West Fan Club.

_Max:_ Treaty?

_Terry:_ Yes! A treaty! Is that a problem?

_Undisclosed Leaguer #1:_ I think you've been around Wally and Ollie too long.

_Undisclosed Leaguer #2:_ Yes, they're definitely rubbing off on you.

_Undisclosed Leaguer #3:_ Perhaps we should…

_Terry:_ **_Glare._**

_All of them: (He looks like Bruce. We'd best shut up now.)_

_Terry:_ As I was saying…

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**The Justice League Daily Service Announcement  
Date: **_November 8, 2058_

Fellow Leaguers:

Please welcome Maxine Gibson to the League. She will be one of our many skilled technicians. Any traditional methods of welcome (i.e. hazing) will result in temporary suspension from League missions.

The Council also advises that whoever has hacked into the speaker system to quickly desist in your activities. Not everyone appreciates the lyrics of Eminem. Our resident telepath is searching for the culprit as we speak.

Oliver Queen is still banned from the Watch Tower.

Have a nice day.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_November 8, 2058_

Hey! Max joined the League! Sort of. She's a technician. I must get to her first before Kara can corrupt her. I must remake her into my image.

"Any traditional methods of welcome (i.e. hazing) will result in temporary suspension from League missions."

Hah! If I were still in the League, I'd be more afraid of Max than of someone hazing her. After all, she is Terry McGinnis's best friend. That should be warning enough. (Except, apparently, for Clark.)

Also, **Project Ex-Girlfriends** goes into action tomorrow. I managed to get Diana, Selina, and Zatanna to work together. I'm not sure what **That Unmentionable Thing **is, but it sure convinced Diana to help. I heard Shayera mention "That Unmentionable Thing" once when she and Linda were talking. Whatever it is, it must be good.

I would bribe J'onn with oreos to find out, but I'd better wait until the League's Civil War dies down first. I'm not sure if he'd spy for me right now.

Damn it! I want to know! What the hell is **That Unmentionable Thing**? It's not like I can ask. Diana thinks that I know what it is.

It's got to have something to do with Bruce, that's all I know.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Excerpt from Bruce Wayne's Phone Conversation with Wally West  
Date:** _November 9, 2058_

**Bruce: **I'm going to kill you West.

**Wally:** Didn't you like my present?

**Bruce**:…

**Wally:** Actually, the lingerie was Diana's idea. She and Selina came up with most of the plan. All I asked them to do was pay you a visit.

**Bruce:** Wally…

**Wally:** And of course, it was all Zatanna's idea to cast a spell to make her and Selina look younger.

**Bruce:** I'm going to kill you and I don't care what Linda says.

**Wally:** Did Terry take pictures like I asked him too?

**Bruce:** _Click._

**Wally:** He hung up on me again. I can't wait to tell Ollie, Dick, and Roy about this.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**From:** Dick Grayson  
**To:** Roy Harper  
**Date:** November 10, 2058  
**Subject:** Bruce's Gift

Hey Arsenal _(formerly known as Speedy)_

Did Wally tell you about what he did to Bruce? If so, I'll telling you anyway. Diana, Zatanna and Selina surprised him down in the batcave. Zatanna cast some charm so that she and Selina looked like they were young again.

Can you imagine Bruce's face when he walked downstairs and found the three of them dressed in lingerie, sitting at his computer? The old man almost had a heart attack.

Oh, and Terry got it all on video. I'm telling you, this kid has potential.

Nightwing

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**From:** Roy Harper  
**To:** Dick Grayson  
**Date:** November 10, 2058  
**Subject:** Maxine Gibson

Yeah, I heard about that. Ollie was telling me. I met Terry and his friend Max yesterday. I don't know what Clark was thinking when they hired her. I mean, I do understand. She _is_ a brilliant genius when it comes to computers.

It's just that Terry plus Max equals double trouble for Clark. I barely know the two of them and I already call them the Terrible Two.

I'm not kidding you. It's like you, me, and Wally back in the day, except worse.

Was Clark drunk?

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**From:** Dick Grayson  
**To:** Roy Harper  
**Date:** November 10, 2058  
**Subject:** RE: Maxine Gibson

**Can Kryptonians get drunk?**

Dick

_From: Roy Harper  
To: Dick Grayson  
Date: November 10, 2058  
Subject: Maxine Gibson_

_Yeah, I heard about that. Ollie was telling me. I met Terry and his friend Max yesterday. I don't know what Clark was thinking when they hired her. I mean, I do understand. She is a brilliant genius when it comes to computers._

_It's just that Terry plus Max equals double trouble for Clark. I barely know the two of them and I already call them the Terrible Two._

_I'm not kidding you. It's like you, me, and Wally back in the day, except_ worse.

Was Clark drunk?

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**From:** Roy Harper  
**To:** Dick Grayson  
**Date:** November 10, 2058  
**Subject:** RE: RE: Maxine Gibson

I hear it's theoretically possible, if you have Kryptonian beer.

_From: Dick Grayson  
To: Roy Harper  
Date: November 10, 2058  
Subject: RE: Maxine Gibson_

_**Can Kryptonians get drunk?**_

_Dick_

_From: Roy Harper  
To: Dick Grayson  
Date: November 10, 2058  
Subject: Maxine Gibson_

_Yeah, I heard about that. Ollie was telling me. I met Terry and his friend Max yesterday. I don't know what Clark was thinking when they hired her. I mean, I do understand. She is a brilliant genius when it comes to computers._

_It's just that Terry plus Max equals double trouble for Clark. I barely know the two of them and I already call them the Terrible Two._

_I'm not kidding you. It's like you, me, and Wally back in the day, except worse._

_Was Clark drunk?_

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**From:** Dick Grayson  
**To:** Roy Harper  
**Date:** November 11, 2058  
**Subject:** Kryptonian beer

Alert the Titans. I have a new mission.

**Mission:** Get Clark drunk.

It may be difficult, but we must check our scientific hypothesis. It's our civic duty.

BTW- How would we get Kryptonian beer?

Nightwing

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**From:** Roy Harper  
**To:** Dick Grayson  
**Date:** November 11, 2058  
**Subject:** Kryptonian beer

Time machine.

Either that or we could bribe one of the Linear Men.

Oh yeah, I forwarded your last email to Ollie, just to see what he'd say. He said he's "intrigued."

Arsenal


	13. Chapter 13

_Disclaimer: I don't own Wally, or Bruce, or Terry, or……_

_**Important Author's Note:** I had some questions about the Johnny Cash thing. I wasn't trying to put down the Ultimate Man in Black, he happens to be one of my favorite singers. ("A Boy Named Sue" and the "Ballad of Ira Hayes" are two personal favorites.) _

_Please don't misinterpret the things I write. Just because I write that some of the Leaguers don't like Johnny Cash or if some of the League's Service Announcements have proto-Communist hints (as a joke), doesn't mean that I myself express these views. I am merely only trying to write how I think the characters would act/react. Clark would like Johnny Cash, Terry and Wally wouldn't._

_So please remember above all else that this is a** humor** fic, so don't take things too seriously. I try to create humorous situations in how I think they might occur, even if they do get a little off the wall._

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 13**

**The Green Arrow Society  
**_Meeting Transcript  
__Date:_ November 12, 2058

_High Chancellor Oliver Queen (our illustrious leader):_ I call this meeting to order. What's on the agenda for today?

_High Secretary Kara Kent:_ We need to give a position to Roy.

_Our Illustrious Leader_: Oh yeah.

_High Lieutenant Terrence McGinnis:_ Max wants to join.

_Our Illustrious Leader: _She can be a High Lieutenant too.

_Undisclosed Leaguer #1:_ Roy can be your secret service.

_Our Illustrious Leader:_ That works. Where's the Head of my Propaganda Department?

_High Secretary Kara Kent:_ Virgil had to go save some people.

_Undisclosed Leaguer #2:_ I make a motion that we discuss what to do about the Question. He's been snooping around our territory.

_Our Illustrious Leader:_ Again? He shouldn't have to; I made his wife the Head of the Intelligence Network.

_High Secretary Kara Kent:_ There's someone at the door.

_Undisclosed Leaguer #3:_ I'll check who it….?

_Undisclosed Leaguer #3:_ A girl scout?

_Our Illustrious Leader:_ How'd she get up here?

_High Lieutenant Terrence McGinnis:_ Who are you?

_Unspecified Girl Scout:_ Will you buy some cookies from me?

_A very confused Terry_**:…?**

_Our Illustrious Leader:_ Wait a minute, aren't you Vic and Helena's grandkid?

_Unspecified Girl Scout_: Yeah. Grandpa said you'd buy cookies from me.

_Our Illustrious Leader:_ We've been infiltrated!

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_Excerpt from Oliver Queen's Daily Log:  
__Date:_ November 12, 2058

Damn him to hell. The audacity of Question never ceases to amaze me. He sent his only granddaughter (in the guise of an innocent Girl Scout) to spy on our fully legitimate activities. Vic even hid a recorder in her hat so that he might discover our secret plans.

Okay, technically we don't really have any secret plans. Clark and Vic just think we do. Our only real mission is to piss off the Council, especially Clark. They just don't need to know that.

Anyway, as I was saying…The audacity, the inhumanity! To send a child into a field of war….

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_November 13, 2058_

Linda finally let me back on the computer today. She said that she hoped I "learned my lesson" or something like that. I wasn't really listening, I was too busy plotting against Bruce.

I know he's planning his revenge, I just know it.

Anyway, in an interesting new development, Question sent his granddaughter to infiltrate a GAS meeting. Vic's still one sneaky bastard. At least the kid managed to sell about forty boxes. I hear that the chocolate mints were very popular.

Come to think of it, why is she in the Girl Scouts? Question thinks that both the Boy and Girl Scouts are really corrupt government agencies bent on destroying and brainwashing the unsuspecting minds of our youth, or something like that. Either this is Helena's handiwork (which I doubt) or the kid had help from her other grandparents.

I'm still trying to figure out what **That Unmentionable Thing** is. It's driving me insane. I've managed to find out that it happened about 45 years ago. I'll keep digging.

Oh, and Dick and Roy are up to something, but they won't tell me what. I heard one of them whisper Kryptonian beer, but I have no idea what that means. Dick's called a meeting of the Team formerly known as the Teen Titans, now known unofficially as the Crotchety Old People's Group. I guess I'll find out tomorrow.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**The Crotchety Old People's Group (also known as The Titans)  
**_Meeting Transcript:  
__Date:_ November 14, 2058

_Roy:_ How come we're the only ones here? Where is everyone?

_Wally:_ How should I know?

_Dick:_ We can't have a meeting of the Titans with only three Titans.

_Roy:_ Let's go hunt down Cyborg. That might be fun.

_Dick:_ Uh…I think he's in space right now.

_Wally:_ That bastard.

_Roy:_ Hey, what about Donna? _(Formerly known as Wonder Girl)_ Did anyone call her?

_Dick:_ How am I supposed to call someone who lives on an island of Amazonian women?

_Wally:_ We can have my granddaughters deliver a message. I had them send a message to Diana for me.

_Roy:_ Aren't you worried that the Amazons will corrupt them?

_Wally:_ Naw, what's the worst they could do?

_Roy and Dick:_ Uh…

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_**An unspecified time later:**_

_Granddaughter #1:_ Grandpa, can I have a loincloth for Christmas?

_Granddaughter #2:_ I want a spear!

_Granddaughter #1:_ I want to be just like Wonder Woman when I grow up!

_Wally:_ **DIANA!**

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**An excerpt from Roy Harper's Telephone Conversation with Dick Grayson:  
**_Date:_ November 14, 2058

_Roy:_ Hey Dick, Donna gave me an idea.

_Dick:_ What?

_Roy:_ We don't need Kryptonian beer. The Amazons brew a very intoxicating brand of wine.

_Dick:_ How intoxicating?

_Roy:_ Enough to get Diana smashed.

_Dick:_ Really? I'd pay to see that!

_Roy:_ Donna assured me that she has it all on video tape.

_Dick:_ We could do so much damage with that.

_Roy:_ Are you kidding? Diana would kill us!

_Dick:_ Hey, it would be Donna's fault for giving it to…yeah, you're right. She'd kill us anyway.

_Roy:_ We could always give it to Wally, he'd be able to pull it off.

_Dick:_ Wally just asked Diana to help him in his War Against Bruce. He's not going to turn around and play a prank on her after she helped him pull one over Bruce. That would be suicide.

_Roy:_ Good point.

_Dick:_ I just had a thought. I'll bet that the Atlanteans have a hard brand of liquor too.

_Roy:_ Would Arthur give us any?

_Dick:_ We could always bribe him.

_Roy:_ **BRIBE THE KING OF ATLANTIS? ARE YOU INSANE?**

_Dick:_ Er…let me rephrase bribe…

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Receipt from the Swinging Mermaid Tavern in Atlantis City  
**_Date:_ November 15, 2058

_2 Cases of Seaweed Rum:_ 4 gold pieces

_1 Case of Golden Experience:_ 2 gold pieces

_2 Bottles of Royal Sea Shell Original Brand Whiskey_: 7 gold pieces

Items purchased from the treasury of His Eminence, the Royal King of Atlantis


	14. Chapter 14

_Disclaimer: I don't own Wally, or Bruce, or Terry, or……_

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 14**

**From:** John Stewart  
**To:** Bruce Wayne  
**Date:** November 16, 2058  
**Subject:** Revenge

Shayera told me what Wally had a certain trio of women do to you. By the way, do you have any idea what That Unmentionable Thing is? I've heard the women mention it, but they always shut up whenever I'm around.

If you're looking for a way to get Wally back, I have some things you can show his wife. The Kid doesn't know I have these (So don't tell him you got them from me!). Shayera wants to come visit you tomorrow, if that's okay. She wants to talk to Terry too, she thinks he needs some of her influence (Instead of Wally, Dick, Ollie's…). I'll bring up the items then.

John

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**From:** Bruce Wayne  
**To:** John Stewart  
**Date:** November 16, 2058  
**Subject:** Terry and Wally

I would welcome the assistance. Tell Shayera that she has my permission to do what ever it takes to undo the damage that those hooligans have wrought. I also welcome whatever dirt that you're going to give me on Wally.

Oh, and tell her that Terry's friend Max is also badly in need of Shayera's influence.

I'll have tea ready when you get here.

Bruce

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Excerpt from the diary of Maxine Gibson:  
**_Date:_ November 17, 2058

These people are crazy. Shayera Stewart tied Terry and I up yesterday and lectured us on the dangers of listening to Mr. West, Mr. Queen, and Mr. Grayson. Mr. Wayne and Mr. Stewart sat and drank tea the whole time that they were watching us. _(The following language has been edited out for its obscene nature.) _I think she's the craziest one of them all.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**The Justice League Daily Service Announcement  
****Date: **_November 18, 2058_

Fellow Comrades:

Beware of a young red haired Girl Scout that goes by the name of Helena Szasz. She is to be considered armed and dangerous. She is known to be working with a criminal infidel that goes by the alias of the Question. Comrades, beware. They are not what they seem.

By the way, buy her cookies. They're very good.

Oh, and Superman is still an arrogant Capitalistic dictator. He and the other Imperialist elitists must be overthrown.

Have a nice day.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**The REAL Justice League Daily Service Announcement  
****Date: **_November 18, 2058_

Fellow Leaguers:

The last announcement was the false announcement of pro-Communist rebels. Anyone known to be siding with this insurrectionary group will **NOT** be given Christmas leave.

If these antics are not stopped soon then our resident telepath will be forced to conduct mandatory scans.

Have a nice day.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**The Green Arrow Society Daily Announcement  
****Date:** _November 18, 2058_

Fellow Comrades:

The elitist Imperials have declared war. We must unite against this common foe.

Let it be known that if these mandatory telepathic scans should commence, then we will confiscate and destroy every Oreo on the station and within a 100 meter radius of Administrator J'onn J'onzz.

Have a nice day.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_November 19, 2058_

The Green Arrow Society has now truly revolted against the powers that be. I think Clark's ready to tear his hair out. That's what he gets for threatening them, especially since Kara's the one who's been posting the last few Service Announcements from the GAS.

**Operation Get Clark Drunk** is also getting ready to commence. Dick and Roy managed to talk Aquaman into giving them some Atlantean alcohol in exchange for a video tape of Clark and some of Mrs. Harper's Famous Double Fudge Brownies. Even Arthur can't resist the lure of those things, they're dangerous.

Donna also gave them three bottles of Amazonian wine. I'm still waiting to see how they get Clark to drink any of it. We tried to get the other Titans involved, but Raven only called them a couple of fools and told them not to waste her time. Then she asked for a video tape if they actually succeeded.

Cyborg is still in space, the bastard. He lost a bet to me and owes me a free pizza. We couldn't get a hold of the other Titans for this. Oh well, their loss.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**An excerpt from Roy Harper's Telephone Conversation with Dick Grayson:  
**_Date:_ November 20, 2058

_Dick: _How're we going to get Clark to drink all of this?

_Roy:_ Trick him?

_Dick:_ How? He's too busy trying to deal with Ollie and the others.

_Roy:_ Yeah, I think Clark's about had it with them.

_Dick:_ Maybe this isn't a good time to get him drunk. We have no idea if he'll be a happy drunk or a mean drunk.

_Roy_:…I didn't think about that. We might end up destroying the world.

_Dick_:…

_Roy_:…

_Dick_: I think we need to pull in some outside assistance on this.

_Roy_: Who? Bruce?

_Dick_: No, although he might be amused if we succeed.

_Roy_: And don't blow up the world.

_Dick_: That too.

_Roy_: Then who?

_Dick_: I'm thinking!

_Roy_: While you do that, I'm going to email Ollie. Maybe if I tell him we're ready to make a move, the Society will calm down and let us seek revenge for them.

_Dick_: Clark will get suspicious.

_Roy_: Damn. Come to think of it though, now's probably the best time to do it. He'll be distracted.

_Dick:_ What about Terry and Max? They're two college students, I'm sure they have some ideas.

_Roy:_ Wait, Virgil and Richie might help.

_Dick:_ I've got it! Let's call Lois! She'll help!

_Roy:_ Let's do it!

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_November 21, 2058_

My spider sense is tingling. Bruce is up to something and I think John is helping him. I'm not as stupid as they think I am. I have sources.

I'd better be careful. Where's my faithful bodyguards when I need them_? (Wally is referring to Terry, Virgil, and Richie.) _Maybe I should talk one of my granddaughters into joining the Girl Scouts. That might be better for them than hanging around with the Amazons. Diana tried to brainwash them.

Oh yeah, I forgot! Donna knows what **That Unmentionable Thing** is! She hasn't told me yet, but she says that she actually has it on video tape. She, Terry, Max, Dick, Roy, Kara, and Barbara are coming over tomorrow so we can all watch it.

Which reminds me, I need to go buy some popcorn.


	15. Chapter 15

_Disclaimer: I don't own Wally, or Bruce, or Terry, or……_

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 15**

_Location:_ Wally West's House  
_Date:_ November 22, 2058  
_Time:_ 13:30  
_Event:_ **That Unmentionable Thing** (as revealed by Donna Troy)

_Wally:_ Do you have it?

_Donna:_ It's right here.

_Linda:_ Wally are you sure this is okay? You won't get into trouble for this, will you? (Glares.)

_Donna:_ Actually, if anyone gets into trouble, it'll be me.

_Roy:_ Not to mention the rest of us.

"**The rest of us":** Terry, Max, Kara, and Barbara

_Barbara:_ Are we going to watch this or not?

_Kara:_ Put it on!

_Terry:_ (No comment yet.)

_Max:_ (is absorbed in a bowl of popcorn)

_Donna:_ Alright people, let's go!

_Date of video: December 31, 2010  
__Place: Wayne Mansion, Gotham City_

_**Donna (narrating on the video):** This camcorder's awesome; it's got night vision and everything. I've decided to film my own reality show by secretly video taping people. Tonight I have snuck into Wayne Mansion on New Year's Eve to watch our heroic couple…well not really, Bruce is being a prick again and Diana's…er…Anyway…_

_To make sure that tonight's episode of Donna's Candid Camera is exciting, I have taken the liberty of…uh…ahem…Perhaps I'd better not say in case this footage is found and used against me in court. I'd hate for Bruce to sue me. Let's just say that tonight should be interesting._

_Barbara:_ Where was I when this happened?

_Dick:_ Same here.

_Donna:_ Shhh…

_Donna (continuing): Damn, it's been half an hour and still no action. She should have…uh oh…I hope Bruce doesn't drink any of the drinks I spiked. That could be bad…(suddenly gives a sigh of relief) whew…he just told Diana he didn't want to drink, but for her to go ahead and help herself. Hmm…Let's listen to them, shall we?_

_Diana: Bruce, where did you get this wine? It's slightly familiar._

_Bruce: An associate of mine runs a vineyard._

_Diana: It tastes a little like Amazonian wine._

_Bruce: I've never tasted Amazonian wine, so I don't know. It shouldn't affect you very much since Amazons have a much higher tolerance for our alcohol._

_Diana (smirking): How high of a tolerance do you have?_

_Bruce: You'd like to find out, wouldn't you?_

_Diana: (smirks seductively)_

_Bruce:…_

_Bruce: Nice try._

_Diana (whispers to herself): Damn_

**_Twenty minutes later: _**

_Diana: Sho den my shisters and I…hic…we…_

_Bruce: Diana, you're drunk._

_Diana: Hic..No I'm not! Anyway we..hic…what wash I talking about?_

_Bruce:…_

_Bruce: I thought Amazons were supposed to have a high tolerance._

_Diana: Hic…_

_Bruce (now slightly amused): It's probably a good thing that I didn't drink that wine._

_Bruce:…_

_Bruce: Diana, would you like another glass?_

_Diana: Hic..Yesh!_

_**Thirty Minutes later:**_

_Bruce: Uh…Diana?_

_Diana: (giggles hysterically)_

_Bruce:…_

_Diana: Ya know, Ah've always wanted to know…hic…if yours or Clark's wash bigger._

_Bruce:…? _

_Bruce: (A lightbulb clicks.)_

_Bruce: Diana!_

_Diana: Hic..shlow who's..hic…is?_

_Bruce: I think you've had enough to drink._

_Bruce: (Vainly attempts to take the wine away.)_

_Diana: NO!_

_Bruce: Diana, I think we should…_

_Diana: **I SHAID NO!**_

_Diana: Hic…_

_**Thirty-five Minutes Later:**_

_Bruce (getting a little worried): …Diana?_

_Diana: (giggles hysterically)_

_Bruce: Uh…not that I don't appreciate it, but why are you taking off your shirt?_

_Diana: Hic…caush it's hot in heer Shiwwy. (Translation: Because it's hot in here Silly.)_

_Bruce:…I'm putting the drinks away now, okay Diana?_

_Diana: **NO!**_

_Bruce:…I seriously hope you don't remember any of this in the morning._

_Diana: (Giggles.) Hic…_

_Bruce (getting very worried): What the hell's in this wine?_

_Diana: Brushie, will you…hic…take a showwer wish me? (Translation: Brucie, will you take a shower with me?)_

_Bruce: WHAT?_

_Bruce's inner thought: I want to, but then I don't, I want to, but then I don't…Damn…I can't take advantage of a drunk woman._

_Bruce: Damn guilty conscience._

_Diana: Hic..wat wash dat Bruushie? (Translation: What was that Brucie?)_

_Bruce: Nothing, I…Diana! (Sputters incoherently.)_

_Bruce(A for once speechless Bruce.):…_

_Bruce:…_

_Bruce:…_

_Diana: Wheeee!_

_A dumbstruck Bruce:…_

_Donna: Wow, I didn't think Diana would strip naked._

_Bruce:…_

_Bruce:…Wow…I mean…Diana!_

_Diana: (Laughs hysterically as she jumps on top of the table.)_

_Bruce: DIANA!_

_Donna: Wow, I didn't think Diana would table dance for Bruce._

_Bruce: (speechless)_

_Diana: I'm..hic..Herwa, Queen o'da Amashons! (Translation: I'm Hera, Queen of the Amazons!)_

_Bruce's inner thought: Wow, I need to get her drunk more often._

_Bruce: Diana, I think you need to go to bed._

_Diana: Hic…wherez…hic..your..hic…bed?_

_Bruce:…It's up…no! Bad inner thoughts!_

_Donna: Wow, Bruce is losing his composure._

_Bruce: I…DIANA!_

_Donna: Wow, Diana's lap dancing for Bruce. I think I'm going to be traumatized for life after seeing all of this._

_**CRASH!**_

_Donna:…_

_Donna:…Diana just knocked over the table and is chasing Bruce._

_Donna: Whoa…_

_Donna:…_

_Donna:…Should I be laughing or running away?_

_**CRASH!**_

_Donna:…_

_**Sudden Silence.**_

_Donna: It looks like Bruce managed to tranquilize Diana. I'd better get out of here before I'm caught._

_End film._

_Roy:…_

_Wally:…_

_Dick:…_

_Barbara:…_

_Terry: _Whoa.

_Linda…_

_Max…_

_Max's inner thought: _You people are strange.

_Donna:_ Well?

_Dick:_ That was…

_Barbara:_ Very disturbing…

_Wally:…_yet very funny.

_Dick:_ Does Diana remember any of that?

_Donna_: Umm…most of it…

_Terry:_ What did Bruce do with the left over wine?

_Donna:_ I think he dumped it. Anyway, you can't tell anyone about this or Bruce and Diana will kill me.

_Max:_ It's been almost fifty years.

_Barbara:_ Diana has a long memory.

_Terry:_ So does Bruce.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Date:** _November 23, 2058_

Thanksgiving Day. Nothing extraordinary happened.

**Date:** _November 24, 2058_

Something very bad happened.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_November 24, 2058_

Uh oh, Diana found out. J'onn was conducting the League's new mandatory telepathic scan on Kara (despite the threat of Oreo extermination) when he came across a certain memory. Since J'onn had been ordered to report any and all unusual activities regarding yours truly, he told Clark.

Clark couldn't keep his mouth shut.

Hopefully Diana won't be too mad, right?

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**WANTED  
**_Dead or Alive  
_Donna Troy  
Cash Reward: 50 Credits

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_November 25, 2058_

_Roy:_ Did you see the Wanted poster that Diana put up?

_Dick:_ Yeah, I'm trying to stay away from the Watchtower for the next few days.

_Roy:_ Are we still going to do **Operation Get Clark Drunk**?

_Dick:_ We have to, our honor is at stake. Besides, Lois already said she'd help.

_Roy:_ So when are we…

_Dick:_ In four days, hopefully. I have a plan.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**WANTED  
**_Dead or Alive  
_Donna Troy  
Cash Reward: 100 Credits

**Five hours later:**

**WANTED  
**_Dead or Alive  
_Donna Troy  
Cash Reward: 125 Credits

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_Date:_ November 26, 2058

_Unspecified Leaguer:_ I found her!

_Donna:_ I'm going to kill you!

_Diana:_ **DONNA!**

_Donna:_ **AHHHHHHHH!**

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Justice League Medical Lab**  
**Patient:** Troy, Donna  
**Date of Injury:** November 26, 2058  
**Injuries:** Broken bones, bruises, a black eye  
**Cause of Injury:** Wonder Woman

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**The Justice League Daily Service Announcement  
Date: **_November 27, 2058_

Fellow Leaguers:

Do to a certain disturbance in the seventh Hangar, that area will temporarily be off limits until it can be repaired.

Also, the current Oreo blockade will not be tolerated.

Have a nice day.

………………………………………………………………………………………………


	16. Chapter 16

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 16**

**Justice League Medical Lab  
****Patient:** J'onzz, J'onn  
**Date of Injury:** November 28, 2058  
**Injuries:** Patient is dizzy and irritable.  
**Cause of Injury:** Patient claims he is having oreo withdrawal.  
**Other Comment(s):** They never taught us this in medical school.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**The Justice League Daily Service Announcement  
****Date: **_November 28, 2058_

Fellow Leaguers:

You have two hours to end the oreo blockade. If you do not comply, there will be severe repercussions.

Have a nice day.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Two hours later:**

_To: _J'onn J'onnz, Administrator  
_From: _The Green Arrow Society  
_Contents: _One oreo cookie

…………………………………………………………………………………..

**Four hours later:**

_Clark_: We have a situation here.

_J'onn_: ...

_Shayera_: I don't want to be involved.

_Clark:_ Look what they've done to J'onn!

_J'onn:_ ...

_John_: Don't look at me, I'm not officially involved either. I'm just providing behind the scenes support to Bruce.

_Clark: _Where's Tornado?

_John:_ He claimed he had the flu.

_Clark:_ Is that possible?

_John:_ (shrugs)

_J'onn: _...

_Clark:_ Okay, anyway, who do know that's on our side for sure?

_J'onn_:...oreos...

_John:_ Bruce and...me _(mostly)._

_Shayera: _Uh...

_Clark:_ Shayera!

_Shayera:_ I already told you, I'm staying out of this!

_John: _Vic's basically on your side. He already tried to infiltrate a GAS meeting.

_J'onn:..._

_Shayera:_ At least they were merciful enough to send J'onn one oreo.

_J'onn:..._

_Clark_: Anyway, we need to do something. This can't keep going on forever. It's getting out of control.

_J'onn_:...need...oreos...

_Clark:_ Hang in there J'onn. We'll take care of things.

_Shayera:_ I have a bad feeling about this.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**The Justice League Daily Service Announcement  
****Date: **_November 28, 2058_

Fellow Comrades:

The end is near! The Imperial elitists are weakening! Hold fast and do not back down! The hour of their defeat is near!

Have a nice day.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**The Real Justice League Daily Service Announcement  
****Date: **_November 28, 2058_

Fellow Leaguers:

You have one hour to desist in your revolutionary activities. If you do not, you will be kicked out of the League.

Have a nice day.

**Ten minutes later:**

_An emergency meeting of the Green Arrow Society._

_Kara:_ Are they serious?

_Helena:_ Clark sounded pretty pissed, so I'd say yeah.

_Ollie:_ It's a trick! It's gotta be a trick!

_Wally: _Uh...most of us are already retired.

**Silence.**

_Ollie:_ Oh yeah.

_Kara_: I'm not.

_Terry:_ Same here.

_Unspecified Leaguer:_ I don't want to get kicked out.

_Ollie:_ We can't stop now! We almost have them!

_Dick:_ Uh...Roy and I are almost ready for our...er...contribution. Maybe you guys want to calm down for a day or two before we strike.

_Barbara:_ Isn't there a glitch in your plans?

_Dick: _Like what?

_Barbara: _We have no idea what kind of damage Clark will do once he's drunk.

_Dick_:...

_Helena: _Lay off Gordon, the Boyscout needs to get drunk.

_Terry:_ I hear that Lois is helping them.

_Barbara:_ Is that true?

_Dick:_ Er...

_Ollie:_ That woman is evil.

_Wally:_ So what are we going to do?

_Kara:_ I didn't know that Martians could get that addicted to oreo cookies. J'onn's practically a drug addict.

_Wally:_ I have an idea!

_Barbara:_ Uh oh...

_Helena: _Do I dare ask?

_Wally:_ Drug addicts have to go through rehabilitation, right?

_Everyone_:...

_Barbara: _Hasn't J'onn suffered enough?

_Terry:_ Rehabilitation's supposed to help people. We'd be doing him a civil service.

_Ollie:_ I like the way you think Kid. You want to work for me instead of Bruce?

_Terry:_ It's tempting, but no.

_Ollie_: Oh well.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**From:** Clark Kent  
**To:** Bruce Wayne  
**Date:** November 28, 2058  
**Subject:** I finally won a battle!

I finally beat them! They ended the oreo blockade!

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**From:** Bruce Wayne  
**To:** Clark Kent  
**Date:** November 28, 2058  
**Subject:** No you didn't.

You didn't win Kent. Your threat merely forced them to back off for the time being. They'll be back in full force.

By they way, perhaps J'onn needs some sort of rehabilitation. His oreo dependence disturbs me.

Bruce

……………………………………………………………………………………………..

_Date:_ November 30, 2058  
_Place:_ Smallville, Kansas; the Kent farm

_Clark:_ What's this?

_Clark_:...?

_Lois:_ It's a gift from some members of the GAS. They wouldn't name themselves out of fear of retribution from their "comrades". They said it's their way of showing that they're sorry for how they've been acting.

_Clark's thought:_ And Bruce said I didn't win.

_Clark: _That's thoughtful. You want any of it?

_Lois: _Uh...no thanks. I'm not thirsty.

_Clark:_ This is pretty good. You sure you don't want any?

_Lois:_ No, I'm sure. I have to go inside and finish the laundry.

_Clark:_ (Takes another long sip)

_Clark: _What is this stuff?

**To be continued: **_(Cue dramatic music.)_


	17. Chapter 17

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 17**

**The Smallville Police Department  
**_November 30, 2058  
09:23  
Police Dispatch_

We have spotted an unusual figure flying around the town. We have been unable to confirm an identity as he is apparently garbed only in red boxer shorts and what appears to be a white bed sheet tied around his neck as a cape. Said figure is wearing a fake Zorro mask.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

**The 256th National Guard Unit; Lawrence, KS  
**_November 30, 2058  
10:00  
Email to all National Guard members_

The Governor of Kansas has declared a state of emergency. A mysterious figure has been plaguing various towns and cities across the state. You have been activated for temporary duty. Please report to your unit by 11:15 this morning.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**The Metropolitan Daily Planet  
**_November 30, 2058_

_12:43_

The Kansas National Guard has been engaged with a crazed metahuman dressed only in boxer shorts, a homemade cape, and a Zorro mask. He has been seen all over the state as well as sections of Colorado, Missouri, and Nebraska. This menace has not apparently wounded anyone except for several bystanders. He is guilty of having destroyed public property, including the Kansas State University football stadium.

We have as of yet had no comment from the Justice League about this strange occurrence. There have, however, been sightings of several League members in pursuit of this strange man, including War Hawk, Static Shock, and Superwoman.

According to some new information that we have just received, this man has now been sighted in Paris and Munich, as well as some small towns in eastern Ukraine. We will update you when new information has been received.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Emergency Meeting of the Justice League  
**_November 30, 2058  
13:12_

_Bruce:_ **YOU DID WHAT?**

_Dick:_ Uh...

_Roy:_ Um...

_Bruce:_ Of all the stupid, foolish...

_Diana:_ This is a disaster!

_Shayera:_ Let's hope he doesn't strip naked.

_John:_ I think he already did that in Greece.

_Diana:_ Hera.

_Wally:_ Just for the record, I had nothing to do with this.

_Oliver:_ I'm with Wally.

_Roy:_ Traitors

_J'onn:_ They were involved?

_Wally:_ Of course not! Would I do such a thing?

_Everyone:..._Yes.

_Dick:_ They knew about it, but didn't help.

_Roy:_ Yeah, most of the GAS knew.

_Bruce:_ Terry...

_Terry:_ Uh oh.

_Bruce: (Glares.)_

_Bruce:_ I'm docking your pay McGinnis.

_Terry_: Damn.

_J'onn:_ We need to stop him.

_Bruce:_ I have a piece of Kryptonite we can use.

_John:_ I have a feeling we'll need it.

_Shayera:_ You two are going to help.

_Dick:_ Who? _Us?_

_Diana:_ You two started this mess. You're going to clean it up.

_Roy:_ What the hell do you want us to do, fire sling shots at him?

_J'onn:_ If that's what it takes.

_Roy:_ This is your fault Grayson.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

**The Justice League Emergency Com  
**_November 30, 2058  
14:02_

_War Hawk:_ We need back up!

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**The Gotham City Police Office  
**_November 30, 2058  
14:32_

_Police Commissioner Barbara Gordon:_ The strange figure has been sighted by the downtown area. All units please respond.

_Barbara's inner thought:_ This is the last time that I listen to those idiots.

_Unspecified Police Officer:_ Ma'am, the suspect has taken off his mask. It's Superman.

_Barbara_:...

_Barbara:_ I'm going to kill them.

_Unspecified Police Officer_: Ma'am?

_Barbara:_ Uh...contact the Justice League. It could be a clone.

_Barbara's inner thought:_ That's lame. Who's going to buy that?

_ssssssssssssssssssss_

**The San Francisco branch of the Daily Planet  
**_November 30, 2058  
15:12_

_Reporter:_ Is it true that this maniac is in fact your cousin?

_Superwoman:_ Uh...

_Reporter:_ Do you yet know the reason for his mental breakdown?

_Superwoman:_ Now hold on! He's not...

_Reporter:_ Is he drunk?

_Superwoman_:...no...

_Reporter_:...I see, well then...

_Superman (J'onn in disguise):_ I'm right here. It's an imposter that looks like me.

_Reporter:_ An imposter?

_Superwoman_:...Uh...Yeah! He's a clone!

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

**The Justice League Emergency Com  
**_November 30, 2058  
16:56_

_Dick:_ We have managed to stop Superman.

_Batman:_ Yeah, the Kryptonite came in handy.

_Cyborg:_ He was dancing at a nudist colony.

_Roy:_ That was disturbing.

_Aqua Girl:_ I think we need a raise.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**The Justice League Watchtower  
**_December 1, 2058_

_Terry:_ Would you like to donate to a worthwhile charity?

_Kara:_ Is it the Get a Psychiatrist for Question fund?

_Terry:_ No, you have your choice between the Rehab for J'onn fund or the Get a Therapist for the Council fund.

_Kara:_ After what they went through, it's the least we can do. Here's ten credits for J'onn and thirty credits for the League.


	18. Chapter 18

_Sorry for the delayed update. I had several papers that I had to write for my classes. Updates are going to be a little slower now that the spring semester has started. I'll try to update Resurrecting the Red as soon as possible. I may end this story after January 1st, I don't know. It depends on how much time my classes will take up. I was planning to end the story in about their September, since that's when it started. I'll see if I can still do that._

_On the bright side though, I do have some one shots in mind, as well as a future humor fic starring young Wally and Dick, as well as some other less than thrilled Leaguers._

_Here's a possible sample of that fic:_

Shouldn't you two, I don't know, go save Diana?

"Why? She'd kill us," Wally said. Dick nodded his head sagely.

"Diana's a bit on the cranky side," he pointed out. (Isn't that an understatement Dick?)

Uh, Diana could be in serious trouble you guys. Besides, this is a fairy tale. You're supposed to _rescue _the princess!

"Diana can take care of herself," they answered.

Some heroes you are.

"Hey!"

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 18**

_December 2, 2058_

Oh. My. God.

I'm still in shock from yesterday. Seeing Clark in the buff is something that I **NEVER** want to do **AGAIN!**

On the bright side though, it was rather hilarious. Clark was mortified after he got over his hangover yesterday. He's been hiding out in Smallville since the "Incident". I hear that Bruce sent him a blistering email about his "damn gullible Boyscout nature". (Kara managed to get a copy of it and showed it to me.) I think Clark's going to stay out of the GAS's way for a while.

The Green Arrow Society is already printing up banners to hang in case of an emergency. They now have plenty of blackmail material.

Oh and the younger Leaguers, under the leadership of Terry, have taken the initiative of collecting money to put J'onn through an Oreo Rehabilitation program. Unfortunately, J'onn seems to be the only one on Earth with a drug dependence on Oreo cookies. I wonder what they're going to do?

Oh yeah, Bruce still hasn't gotten me back yet for lingerie incident with Zatanna, Diana, and Selena in the batcave. I think he got distracted by the That Unmentionable Thing recording of Donna's (She's still in hiding from Diana.) and "The Incident" (It already has a name!) with Clark.

I know that Bastard's planning something.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_Excerpt from Bruce Wayne's telephone conversation with John Stewart:  
__December 2, 2058_

_John: _Well that was eventful.

_Bruce:_ Only Kent would have been gullible to drink them.

_John: _In Clark's defense, it's not like he expected to be affected by alcohol or that his own wife would be in on the joke.

_Bruce: _That would be reason number one that I didn't marry her. She's evil incarnate.

_John:_ I thought Lois dumped you first.

_Bruce:..._

_Bruce: _That's what she likes everyone to think.

_John:_ Uh huh. Anyway, did you get the stuff I sent you about Wally?

_Bruce:_ Yes, I'm still deciding what to use against him.

_John: _I personally like the recording of he and Dick after they tried smoking hashish.

_Bruce: _I'm still trying to figure out what in God's name possessed them want to try that.

_John: _Well, technically it's legal everywhere in the world except in the US. They were in Paris when they did it.

_Bruce: _I'll kill Terry if he ever tries it.

_John:_ Speaking of Terry...

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**The Justice League Daily Service Announcement**

_December 3, 2058_

Fellow Leaguers,

We understand your desire to help Administrator J'onn J'onzz through his Oreo addiction, however, _Fear Factor _is **NOT **an efficient model for rehabilitation. If you truly wish to be of service, we recommend contacting a therapist.

Also, as of now, ALL alcoholic beverages have been banned from the Watchtower. We are now a dry station.

We also need volunteers to decorate the Tower for the holidays.

Have a nice day.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

_An excerpt from Bruce Wayne's conversation with Terry McGinnis:  
__December 3, 2058_

_Bruce: _You did _what _to J'onn?

_Terry: _It's not my fault. We were trying to help him.

_Bruce: _So trying to lock him in a room surrounded by holographic images of Oreos is "helping"?

_Terry:_ It didn't work, he phased through the wall. We're going to try subliminal messages next.

_Bruce:_ (Rubs forehead.) McGinnis...

_Terry:_ What?

_Bruce: _You know what. I'm also referring to when you and your...comrades put frosted covered insects inside his Oreos.

_Terry: _It didn't work. He actually liked the bugs. He liked the crunch.

_Bruce:..._

_Bruce:_ Terry...

_Terry: _Uh oh.

_Terry:_ I'm just trying to do my civic duty! J'onn needs mental help.

_Bruce:..._I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually agree with you.

_Terry: _Really?

_Bruce: _Don't get used to it.

_Terry: _Damn. I guess that means you won't let me go to the party, huh?

_Bruce:_ (Glares.)

_Terry: _I guess not. So, what should I do about J'onn?

_Bruce:_ Do you know what reverse psychology means?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_An excerpt from the Journal of Clark Kent:  
__December 4, 2058_

God help me. I have never been so embarrassed in my life. I haven't quite worked up the nerve to set foot on the Watchtower yet. I almost wish that someone would shoot me.

How could I have been so stupid? Bruce warned me that they would try something. I'm never going to live this down.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Date:** December 5, 2058  
**To:** J'onn J'onzz  
**From:** The J'onn J'onzz fanclub  
**Contents of package:** Twenty assorted packages of Oreo cookies.  
**  
Attached note:**

We heard about your situation on the Justice League Watchtower and would like to express our sympathies. We too can't resist the lure of the magical Oreo cookie. Please! Eat more and defy those who would stop us!

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

_Author's note: Hashish is a "__psychoactive drug__ derived from the __Cannabis__ plant." It's popular in the Middle East and has spread to other areas as well. Hashish parlors are becoming very popular in Europe. I think there's some in the US, but I'm not sure._


	19. Chapter 19

_I'm sorry for the delayed update, but college takes up a lot of time. Seeing as I don't have as much time for writing anymore, I'm going to have to end this story after they begin the New Year. Don't worry though, there may eventually be a sequel to this and I also have several humor one-shots in mind. So there's probably only a few chapters of this left and then I'll focus on finishing __Resurrecting the Red__. I've also set up a forum (today) if anyone felt the need to ask question, critique, offer suggestion, etc. It's called Lady Jaye's Fics._

_By the way, was anyone else disappointed by Linda's OOCness in Flash and Substance?_

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 19**

_December 7, 2058_

Okay, now I'm curious. What exactly is the J'onn J'onzz Fan Club? The green guy's been getting a lot of Oreos from them _(some of which Wally already confiscated_). I've also heard a rumor from my winged informant that Bruce has an evil plot in the works.

Oh, and on another note, for some reason Linda is insisting on having a real Christmas tree this year. I don't know what's wrong with the plastic one. I mean, I sprayed some pine scent on it last year and it took her two weeks to figure out that it wasn't real.

She's kinda mad…

DAMN IT! J'ONN IS HERE!

_(J'onn is demanding the return of his Oreos, which Wally has already eaten.)_

**#&$!**

Stupid Martian. He seemed to have some strange idea that I had taken his precious Oreos. I told him that he obviously had the wrong person. I told him _(Wally first started to type "I blamed it on…) _that Kara was the obvious thief. For some reason he didn't seem to buy it.

Oh hell! Linda's harping on me about the tree again!

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**The Justice League Daily Service Announcement**  
_December 8, 2058_

Fellow Leaguers,

We need volunteers to decorate the station for the holidays. This year we would like to avoid any unnecessary accidents involving Christmas tree lights and Kwanzaa candles. We have a list of those whose assistance **IS NOT** necessary this year. Those of you on the list will be given temporary assignments until the decorating is done.

Have a nice day.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Location:** _The Batcave  
_**Date:** _December 8, 2058_

_Terry:_ Remind me again, how is this going to help J'onn?

_Bruce:_ I explained it already.

_Ace: (Wags tail)._

_Bruce:_ By the way, I find it interesting that you're on the League's Temporary Assignment list.

_Terry:_ Hey! That was Rex's fault, not mine!

_Bruce: (Raises eyebrow)._

_Ace: (Cocks his head)._

_Terry:…_Well, it was mostly his fault.

_Bruce:_ You two nearly destroyed the mess hall.

_Terry:_ Christmas trees are dangerous, what can I say?

_Bruce:…_.

_Terry:…_.

_Bruce:…_.

_Ace:_ Woof?

_Bruce:_ Anyway, I have something I want you to see.

_Terry:_ What?

_Bruce:_ The reason why you shouldn't listen to Wally and Dick.

_Terry:...?_

_Terry:_ Okay…but first, what do you want for Christmas?

_Bruce:_ Nothing.

Terry: Come on….

_Bruce:_ ….

_Terry: (Smirks)_ Diana?

_Bruce (Glares)._

_Terry:_ Selina?

_Bruce:_ You're pushing it McGinnis.

_Terry:_ I won't shut up until you give me an answer. Zatanna.

_Bruce: (Glares)._

_Terry:_ Barb…

_Bruce:_ Fine, listen closely McGinnis, I'll only say this once….

_Terry: (Listens carefully, then…)_

_Terry:_ I can't betray the GAS!

_Bruce:_ That's what I want.

_Terry:_ Damn…

_Ace:_ Bark!

……………………………………………………………………………………………

December 9, 2058

My winged informant has recently warned me to watch my back. I told her I have been, especially since Linda thinks that I'm going to Christmas shopping with her tomorrow. I need a convenient excuse to hide.

You know, I haven't seen Terry for a while. I'm sure he's been busy with his girlfriend, college and Bruce the Slave driver.

By the way, I need to think of some tricks to do on New Year's Eve. I need something really original.

Oh and the holiday decorating went better this year. Mostly. Ollie got into trouble for having his granddaughter put mistletoe all over the station. Aqua Girl and some of the younger Leaguers also got into the egg nog a little too much.

There was also an episode where Donna tried to kill the Leaguer who ratted her out to Diana. By the way, Dick and I made up a new song. We haven't finished it yet, but here it goes…

John got run over by a reindeer  
Going home from the Tower Christmas Eve  
Now Bruce always said there's no such thing as Santa  
But as for me and Shayera we believe.

Cool huh?

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

**Excerpt from the Personal Diary of J'onn J'onzz…  
Date:** _December 10, 2058_

I must learn who it is that keeps sending me these Oreos. There's something different about them, something that sets them apart…

……………………………………………………………………..

**Excerpt from Bruce Wayne's notes:  
Date:** _December 10, 2058_

I've added a special ingredient to J'onn's newest Oreos. The additive should hopefully reverse his addiction by….

……………………………………………………………………………………….

_Author's notes: The complete version of "John Got Run Over by a Reindeer" is in my fic, the __Songs of Christmas__. Also, does anyone have any suggestions for Wally's New Year's Eve prank(s)?_


	20. Chapter 20

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 20**

_Location: _The Justice League Watchtower  
_Date: _December 11, 2058

_Dr. Fate:_ Who's this?

_Terry:_ He's my kid brother, Matt. He's eleven.

_Matt:_ I'm almost twelve.

_John:_ He looks a lot like you.

_Matt:_ No I don't. Terry's ugly.

_Terry: (Glare)_

_Matt: (Glare)_

_Terry:_ You want to go home?

_Matt (Sulks)_

_John:_ Why'd you bring him? I didn't think he knew about you being Batman.

_Matt (grins):_ I found out.

_Dr. Fate:_ Does your mother know then?

_Terry: (Glares at Matt):_ Not yet.

_John:_ He black mailed you, huh?

_Matt: (Smirks)_

_Terry: (Mutters under his breath)._

_Terry:_ It's an early part of his Christmas present.

_Matt:_ I'm going to be Robin.

_John:_ Really?

_Terry:_ No!

Matt: I'll tell Mom…

_Terry:_ Tell her what, that you want to be Robin or Nightwing? She'd skin you alive before Bruce and I even had a chance to.

_Terry: (Gives a Bruce glare)._

_Matt: (Gulps)._

_Dr. Fate:_ Perhaps when he is older he might join the League if he wishes.

_John:_ Yeah, even if he doesn't wear a mask and tights, we still need a lot of good people behind the scenes.

_Terry_:…..

_Terry:_ We'll see.

_Terry:_ I'm not sure if the Boyscout could survive two McGinnises.

_John:_ Good point.

_Dr. Fate:_ By the way Terry, Clark wants to speak with you.

_Matt:_ Is he in trouble?

_Terry: (Glare)_

_Matt: (Innocent smirk)._

_Terry:_ Twip.

_Matt:_ Hey!

_Terry:_ You can't come with me, so…

_John:_ Shining Knight and Vigilante have their grandkids here. He can hang with them until you're done.

_Matt_:…

_Terry: (Points finger at Matt)_ Stay out of trouble. I don't want to have to babysit you. And believe me, if you cause trouble, you'll have worse to deal with than me.

_John:_ Like Diana.

_Matt:_ Why? Is she scary?

_Terry, John, and Dr. Fate_: ……

_Matt:_ I'll take that as a yes.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**A little later:**

_Arthur (Shining Knight's grandson):_ Batman's your brother?

_Matt:_ Yeah. Someday I'm going to be Nightwing.

_Sally (Vigilante's granddaughter):_ Ah'm goin' t'become Vigilante.

_Arthur:_ And I'll be Valiant.

_Sally: _Why not Shahnin' Knaht like yer Granddad?

_Arthur: _Because Valiant sounds cooler.

_Matt:_ Was he really a Knight of the Round Table?

_Arthur:_ Yeah. He still talks really old fashioned.

_Matt:_ Schway. Hey, how old are you guys anyway? I'm almost twelve.

_Sally:_ Thirteen.

_Arthur:_ Ten.

_Sally:_ Hey! We all oughta form ah group ah somethin'!

_Matt:_ Huh?

_Arthur:_ Eh? You mean like the GAS?

_Sally:_ Ah've course! We kin all be ah three man fightin' team!

_Matt:_ We need a cool name.

_Arthur:_ The Three Knights?

_Matt:_ Lame.

_Sally:_ The Three Buckaroos?

_Matt:_ Lame!

_Arthur_: Then you think of one!

_Matt:…._

_Matt:…_

_Sally:_ See? He was just talk.

_Matt:_ Shut up! I'm thinking.

_Matt:…._

_Matt:_ I've got it! Let's call ourselves the VVN Corps!

_Arthur:_ VVN?

_Matt:_ Valiant, Vigilante, Nightwing

_Sally:_ Hey! That's great!

_(And thus an unholy alliance is forged.)_

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**The Justice League Daily Service Announcement**  
_December 11, 2058_

Fellow Leaguers:

We need volunteers for our annual holiday charity drive.

Also, Batman, Shining Knight, and Vigilante, please come and retrieve a certain trio of youngsters. They are terrorizing some of the help.

Have a nice day.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

**A Short Time Later:**

T_erry_:…

_Matt:_ Uh oh.

_Terry:_ What did I say about staying out of trouble?

_Matt:_ Umm…

_Terry:_ Shayera said that you guys were ganging up on Orion.

_Matt:_ Uh…

_Terry:_ With fake _lightsabers_?

_Matt:_ He had it coming! He called us a bunch of stupid little kids and told us to get lost!

_Terry:_ He said that?

_Matt:_ Yeah.

_Terry:_ Well then, good job. Orion probably deserved it.

_Matt:_ Really?

_Terry:_ Yeah, I've never really liked him much any way. Just don't tell Clark I said this. I'm supposed to be punishing you.

_Matt:_ So can I be Nightwing in the future?

_Terry:_ That's up to Bruce.

_Wally:_ Hey guys, what's up?

_Matt:_ When he'd get here!

_Wally:_ I'm the Fastest Man Alive.

_Terry (suspicious):_ Are you eating J'onn's Oreos?

_Wally (munching):_ Of course not! Would I do such a ghastly deed?

_Terry:_ You want me to answer that?

_Wally:_ Er…probably not.

_Terry:_ Um…Wally? I don't think you should be eating those…

_Wally:_ Why not? I stole them fair and square.

_Terry:_ Uh…Bruce put something in them.

_Wally (Stops chewing):…_

_Wally:…_

_Wally:…_Like what?

_Terry:_ Er…some kind of hormone. He's trying to break J'onn of his Oreo dependence by making them "Disagreeable to his system." I'm not sure what it'll do to humans.

_Wally:…_

_Wally:_ Stupid Bruce!

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Excerpt from the Journal of Bruce Wayne:**  
_Date:_ December 11, 2058

I'm going to kill Wally. I had to make an antidote for the drug he had eaten. Now J'onn has discovered my plan. Damn West. He ruined everything. I now have to think of something else. I could give up, but that of course is beneath me. I now have to succeed for the sake of my pride.

However, it will now be more difficult as J'onn is now on his guard.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_December 12, 2058_

Stupid Bruce! He tried to trick me and I fell for it! He and Terry claim that he was trying to get J'onn, but I know better.

Damn it. I was sick for the rest of the day! I couldn't stop throwing up. I still feel a little nauseous.

On a slightly better note, Matt McGinnis has a lot of potential. Ollie said that he was thinking about recruiting the VVN Corps to work for the GAS. I wonder what they'll be like when they grow up.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

**Flash Forward to the Future (Fifteen Years):  
**_December 12, 2073_

_Matt (Nightwing):_ Since when do knights wear shades?

_Arthur (Valiant):_ I'm projecting my image.

_Sally (Vigilante):_ _What _image?

_Matt:_ Where's the helmet?

_Arthur:_ It didn't look cool. I'm a New Age Knight.

_Sally:…?_

_Sally:_ That's dumber than ah rattlesnake in winter.

_Arthur:_ Shut up!

_Matt:_ Well…at least the shades look good.

_Arthur:_ Hey Nightwing, let's go pick up some women.

_Matt:_ Sure…

_Sally:_ Hey! _Ah'm _ah woman!

_Matt and Arthur:…._

_Arthur:_ Oh yeah.

_Sally: (Glares)._

_Matt:_ I guess we'll need to find a guy for her.

_Arthur:_ Unless she secretly goes for women…

_Sally: (Glares)._

_Sally: (Unholsters her guns)._

_Matt:_ Uh oh…

_Arthur:_ Retreat!

_Matt:_ Knights aren't supposed to retreat!

_Arthur:_ Well I am!

_Sally:_ Get back here!

_Arthur:_ Run McGinnis!

_Matt:_ Ahh!

_**Bang! Bang!**_

_Matt:_ Why'd you have to go and piss her off again Valiant?

_Arthur:_ Me? It was you!

_(Yes, the future is in good hands.)_


	21. Chapter 21

_Now, I'd like to present a special chapter (or two). After all, what's JLU fic if it doesn't involve time travel and/or interdimensional jumping? (Actually, I should be working on school work instead of this, especially since midterms are next week. However, my hidden muses inspired me.)_

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 21**

**December 13, 2058  
**_Location:_ The Justice League Watchtower  
_Specific location:_ VVN Corps Secret Headquarters (A currently unused closet.)

_Matt:_ I bring this meeting to order.

_Sally:_ Who said you could be the leader?

_Arthur:_ I want to be the leader!

_Matt:_ You're the youngest.

_Arthur_:….

_Sally:_ Then I should be the leader! I'm the oldest!

_Matt:_ This was _my_ idea!

_Arthur:_ I found the closet!

_Sally:_ So, I…

_**Poof.**_

_Hal Jordon:_ What the…where the hell am I?

_VVN Corps:….?_

_Matt:_ Intruder!

_Sally:_ Get 'im!

_Hal Jordon:_ Whaa….**HELP!**

_**Clonk.**_

_Arthur: _I knew this tennis racket would come in handy!

_(Holds a yellow tennis racket.)_

_Red Tornado:_ What's going on in there?

_Red Tornado:….!_

_**Poof.**_

_Barry Allen:_ What's going…Oh my God! They killed Hal Jordon!

_Hal Jordon:….._

………………………………………………………………………………………

**Justice League Medical Lab**  
**Patient:** Jordon, Hal  
**Date of Injury:** December 13, 2058  
**Injuries:** Slight concussion, some bruising  
**Cause of Injury:** Assaulted with a yellow tennis racket

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

_Dr. Fate:_ You did _what _to Hal Jordon?

_VVN Corps:_ Umm…we thought he was a bad guy.

_Hal:….(moans)…_

_John:_ Don't you realize who Hal Jordon _is_?

_Arthur:_ Uh…a good guy?

_Sally:_ That we shouldn't have beat up?

_Matt:_ Oops.

_John: (About to have an epileptic seizure)._

_Dr. Fate:_ Oh dear.

_Sally:_ Sorry Mr. Jordon Sir.

_Hal:…_uh….

_Matt:_ That's what you get for sneaking up on us!

_John:_ McGinnis!

_John: (Whacks Matt over the head.)_

_Matt:_ Ow!

_Barry Allen:_ Is Wally around?

………………………………………………………………………………………..

**The Justice League Daily Service Announcement  
Date: **_December 13, 2058_

Fellow Leaguers:

It seems that a space/time hole has opened up. It appears that several heroes and villains from different periods of the past and possibly from the future have entered our time. We are on high alert.

Have a nice day.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**The Justice League Emergency Com:  
**_December 13, 2058  
_14:23

_Superwoman:_ Watchtower, this is Superwoman.

_Star Woman:_ We read you Superwoman.

_Superwoman:_ We just picked up Aquaman.

_Aquaman:…._

_Batman (Terry):_ Oh yeah, and we captured Lex Luthor too. He's not too happy.

_Lex Luthor:_ _(Cursing under his breath.)_

_Aquaman:_ Star Girl…

_Star Woman:_ Star _Woman_! Thank you very much.

_Aquaman:…_We believe that Bizarro might be here as well.

_Superwoman: Great._

……………………………………………………………….

**Location:** The Justice League Watchtower  
**Date:** December 13, 2058  
**Specific Location**: The Brig

_Luthor:_ So..are you Batman's son?

_Batman:_ Maybe, maybe not.

_Luthor:_ Are you his grandson?

_Batman:_ Maybe, maybe not.

_Luthor:_ _Glare._

_Batman:_ What're you looking at Baldie? I'm not your type.

_Luthor:_ You insolent whelp…

_Batman:_ Hey, if I can talk the Joker to death, you don't have a chance.

_Luthor:...?_

_Luthor:_ You did what?

_Batman:_ Yeah, the old man told me to shut up and not talk to him. But I like to talk so I decided to play mind games with the old clown anyway. He went berserk.

_Luthor_:….That doesn't take much.

_Batman:_ Yeah and…

_Superman:_ Batman! Don't talk to Luthor!

_Batman:_ _Glare._

_Superman:_ _Glare_

_Batman: Glare._

_Superman:_ I swear, you're getting more like him every day.

_Luthor:_ So they _are _related.

_Batman:_ Shut up asshole.

_Luthor:_ Grr…

_Superman:_ Batman…

_Batman:_ What?

_Superman:_ You know what.

_Batman:_ Enlighten me.

_Superman:…_You're impossible.

_Batman:_ Funny, that's what…

_Superman:_ Go do something useful!

_Batman:_ I am. I'm annoying you and Luthor.

_Superman:…_

_Luthor:_ Heh.

_Superman:_ J'onn's going to scan him for information. You're not needed here.

_Batman:_ But it's fun.

_Superman:_ Go.

_Batman:_ Can't we interrogate him?

_Superman:_ No.

_Batman:_ I was going to unleash the VVN Corps on him.

_Superman:…_

_Superman:_ No.

_Batman:_ You had to think about that one.

_Superman:_ You have three seconds to get out of here.

_Batman_:…

_Superman:_ One.

_Batman:…_

_Luthor:_ This is interesting.

_Batman:_ Shut up Baldie.

_Superman:_ Two…

_Batman:_ This is bull.

_Superman:_ Three.

_Batman: Glare._

_Superman:_ Move.

_Batman: Glare._

_Superman:_ You do realize that I have ways of making you move.

_Batman:_ Like what?

_Superman:_ Diana!

_Batman: (Gone.)_

_Luthor:_ Nice threat.

_Superman:_ Shut up.

_Diana (Pokes head into the room.):_ What?

……………………………………………….

**A little later:**

_Wally:_ Uncle Barry!

_Barry:..._?

_Barry:_ Wally?

**And:**

_Matt:_ Hey! Who are you?

_Bizarro:..._?

_Arthur (Points yellow tennis racket)_: Are ye friend or foe?

_Sally:_ Stick 'em up!

_Bizarro:_ Are you Bizarro's friend?

_Matt:_ Uh…

_Arthur:_ Er…

_Sally:_ No! How c'n we be yah friend? We just met yah!

_Bizarro:..._?

_Bizarro_: You Bizarro's enemy?

_Bizarro: (Lightbulb clicks.)_

_Bizarro:_ Can Bizarro play with you?

_VVN Corps:..._?

**To be continued:**


	22. Chapter 22

_**SPRING BREAK!** Sadly however, this unworthy one is stuck at home (and trying to catch up on school work that my not so benevolent professors decided to have due immediately after spring break.) This is one of those times that I wish I had superspeed._

_By the way, what did you guys think of the new JLU episode? While it was cool to see the ladies beating the hell out of each other, I do have to question Luthor's capability as a leader. I mean, if he had the ability to control League members through their comlinks, you'd think Luthor could find more productive ways of using it (although I'm sure the tons of money that was made was **very** nice)._

_I also promise that I'll get back to Wally's POV after this little time travel arc is over._

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 22**

**The Justice League Daily Service Announcement  
Date: **_December 13, 2058_

Fellow Leaguers:

We are sending two teams to deal with the space/time crisis. Also, we are trying to locate Bizarro at this present time. Please be on the lookout for him.

Have a nice day.

……………………………………………………………………………………………..

**Location:** Gotham City  
**Date:** December 13, 2058  
**Specific Location**: Jojo's Arcade

_Matt:_ Hey Bizarro! Let's play Dragon Slayers!

_Arthur:_ Come on! It's awesome!

_Bizarro:…_Okay.

_Sally:_ All ya gotta do is kill the dragons.

_Bizarro:…?_

_Bizarro:_ Dragons good?

_Arthur:…_uh….not really.

_Bizarro:_ Dragons bad? Me not kill bad dragons!

_Matt:_ Uh…he was kidding! Dragons very very good!

_Bizarro:_ Bizarro smash dragons!

_Unspecified teenager #1:_ Who the hell's this freak?

_Unspecified teenager #2:_ He looks like a zombie.

_Sally:_ Shut up! He does not!

_Arthur:_ He's our frie…er…enemy!

_Bizarro:_ You Bizarro's enemies?

_Matt:_ Yeah! Best enemies!

_Unspecified teenagers_:…? What the hell?

_Unspecified teenager #3:_ Nice enemies you've got there Freak! Those pipsqueaks couldn't…

_Bizarro:_ Don't make fun of Bizarro's enemies!

**Smash!**

**Crash!**

_(Random screaming ensues.)_

_Bizarro:_ BIZARRO SMASH!

_VVN Corps:…_

_Arthur:_ Cool.

_Matt:_ Sweet.

_Batman:_ This is Batman, I've found Biz…**MATT! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?**

_Matt:_ I'm screwed.

_Sally:_ Uh oh.

_Batman (pissed):_ You're dead when we get back to the Tower.

_Matt: (gulps)_

**At the Tower:**

_Arthur:_ This sucks.

_Sally:_ Ah can't believe yer brother threw us in the brig!

_Matt: (muttering) _

_Matt:_ Just wait until all this is over. The only reason we're not dead yet is because he didn't have time to kill us.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Meanwhile:**

_Barry Allen:_ Wally, what are you doing?

_Wally:_ Who? Me?

_Barry: (Glares)_

_Wally:_ Wow. It's been a while since I've seen that look.

_Barry:_ Just because you're technically older than me now doesn't mean I can't turn you over my knee and spank you.

_Wally:_ Actually, you never spanked me. Aunt Iris did all the dirty work.

_Barry:…_Is your aunt here?

_Wally:_ Er…

_Wally:_ Ok, fine. I'm trying to think of a prank to pull on the League for New Year's Eve. I'm also trying to figure out how to get Bruce back for drugging me.

_Barry:_ Bruce?

_Wally:_ You know, Batman. Not the new one, the old crabby one.

_Barry:_ He drugged you?

_Wally:_ Wellllll…he was actually trying to get J'onn. I think. That's what he claims anyway.

_Barry:_ There's a crisis that threatens to destroy the universe as we know it and you're trying to come up with practical jokes?

_Wally:_ Hey! I'm old now! Just let me be senile for once!

_Barry_:…

_Wally:_ So, you have any ideas?

_Barry:…_

_Wally:_ Please? It'll be fun.

_Barry:_ I might have a few ideas….

……………………………………………………………………………………

**Location:** Some unspecified area of the universe  
**When:** Now

_Hal Jordon:_ Sinestro! I should have known it was you!

_Sinestro:_ Late again, as always Jordon.

_Hal:_ I'm taking you down.

_Static Shock:_ Says the guy who was beaten up by three kids and a yellow tennis racket.

_Hal:…_

_Superwoman:_ We should have brought the VVN Corps. They probably could have done some damage.

_Sinestro:_ Let me guess; is that some special elite team of yours?

_War Hawk:_ Define 'elite'.

_Superwoman:_ Hey, they beat up Jordon. That's got to count for something.

_Hal Jordon:_ Can we _please_ stick to the issue here? We've got to stop Sinestro and the others before the universe is destroyed!

_War Hawk:_ He's got a point.

_Hal Jordon:_ Exactly.

_Superwoman:_ Let's kick Sinestro's ass.

_Static Shock:_ Too bad I don't have a tennis racket…

_Hal Jordon (groans):_ I'm never going to live that down…

_War Hawk:_ Nope.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Meanwhile, at the Brig:**

_Matt:_ This sucks!

_Luthor:_ Who's there?

_VVN Corps:…?_

_Arthur:_ Hey, it's some old bald guy.

_Luthor:…_Grrr…It's just some damn kids…

_Superman:_ Luthor, we need to talk….

_Superman:_ What the hell are you three doing here?

_Matt:_ My stupid brother threw us in here!

_Batman:_ I'm stupid huh?

_VVN Corps:_ **AHHHH!**

_Batman: (Glares.)_

_Superman:_ What did they do?

_Batman: (Cracks knuckles dramatically)_

_Superman:_ Batman…

**Whack!**

_Matt:_ **OWW!** **I'M TELLING MOM!**

_Luthor:_ **Can't you people ever shut up?**

**To be Continued…**


	23. Chapter 23

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 23**

**Location:** The Watchtower  
**Date:** December 14, 2058  
**Specific Location**: Outside the Brig

_Shayera:_ What the…what are you guys doing here?

_Cyborg:_ Uh….nothing.

_Changeling (formerly Beast Boy):_ Experiments.

_Cyborg:_ Yeah! Experiments!

_Shayera: (Glare)_

_Wally: (zooms into the room)_

_Wally:_ I've got it!

_Shayera:_ Got _what_?

_Wally:_ Uh… _(Zooms off)_

_Shayera:_ Wally!

_Cyborg (whispers to Changeling):_ Let's get out of here.

_Changeling and Cyborg: (Run off)_

_Shayera:_ Hey!

_Shayera:_ Damn it. What are they up to now?

…………………………………………………………………………………..

**Mission Report  
**_December 14, 2058  
__Leaguers Sent:_ Hal Jordon, War Hawk, Superwoman, Static Shock  
_Team Commanded by:_ Superwoman

We succeeded in subduing Sinestro. However, due to information we have learned, we suspect that the Grodd of fifty years ago is involved with the current temporal crisis.

We have reason to believe that Grodd may be on the continent of Africa.

…………………………………………………………………………………..

**Location:** Africa  
**Date:** December 14, 2058  
**Specific Location**: Seventy-five miles west of Gorilla City

_Batman:_ Hey you! Fuzz butt!

_Grodd: (Sighs)_ Must you speak like the Flash?

_Raven:_ Actually, the gorilla does indeed have a point.

_Batman:_ What? It got his attention.

_Wonder Woman:_ How does **You Know Who** put up with you?

_Starfire:_ Could we finish this _please_? I'm worried about what my husband will do next. He and Roy are still in trouble for getting the Boyscout drunk.

_Wonder Woman:_ Surely they wouldn't be stupid enough to do something again.

_Batman:_ Uh…define stupid.

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

**Location:** The Watchtower  
**Date:** December 14, 2058  
**Specific Location**: The Brig

_Dick:_ Should we give him some more?

_Roy_:….

_Luthor:…_Hic…I'm Pwesident Wuthor…hic…

_Wally:_ Hey Gar _(Changeling/Beast Boy), _no one's coming yet, are they?

_Garfield (Currently keeping watch outside the door in the shape of a small green dog.):_ No, no one yet.

_Cyborg (Victor Stone):_ Man, that Amazon wine is really strong stuff.

_Dick:_ Yeah, we only spiked a glass of water and look how out of it he is.

_Luthor:_ Hic….

_Roy:_ Let's give him some more!

_Wally:_ Luthor….Luthor_….(Waves hand in front of his face.)_

_Luthor:_ Hic…I wove you….hic…

_Wally:_ **Ahh!**

_The others: (Hysterical laughter)_

_Wally:_ It's not funny!

_Roy:_ Wally…I wove you!

_Victor:_ Give him some more…

_Garfield:_ RETREAT! IT'S SHAYERA!

_Everyone:_ OH SHI..

Shayera: **WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON IN HERE?**

………………………………………………………………………………..

**Excerpt from John Stewart's Telephone Conversation with Bruce Wayne:  
**_December 14, 2058_

_Bruce:_ They did _what_?

_John:_ I'm telling the truth. Wally, Dick, Roy, Garfield and Victor snuck into the Brig and got Luthor drunk.

_Bruce:…_Do I dare ask how they managed to do that?

_John:_ Apparently they still had some Amazonian wine left over from when they got Clark drunk. They spiked Luthor's water the first time. After they had gotten him drunk enough they gave him some more.

_Bruce:_ Wasn't anyone guarding his cell?

_John:_ Apparently Aquagirl and Ollie's granddaughter were, but they let them in.

_Bruce:_ How did the Boyscout take it?

_John:_ Well…he pretended to be mad, but you could tell that he secretly enjoyed it. Shayera was the one who was pissed. Wally tried to claim that he was trying to get revenge on Luthor for the whole Brainiac thing as well as killing his alternate self.

_Bruce:_ I can't argue with that.

_John:_ Yeah, well, at least we don't have to worry about Luthor trying to escape. He isn't sober enough to make a coherent sentence.

_Bruce:…._So who was the ringleader? Wally?

_John:_ Actually…I hear that it was Dick.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

**The Justice League Daily Service Announcement  
Date: **_December 14, 2058_

Fellow Leaguers:

Dick Grayson, Roy Harper, Wallace West, Garfield Logan, and Victor Stone are hereby temporarily banned from the Detention Center. Anyone known to be aiding them (ie. Anyone on duty if one of them is caught in the Brig.) **WILL** be placed on probation.

Have a nice day.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

**A little later:**

_Barry:_ Wally…

_Wally:_ I'm innocent, I swear. It was all Grayson and Harper.

_Barry:_ Can't you do something more constructive? We're still in a crisis here.

_Wally:_ Not really. Luthor's smashed and Grodd's been captured. J'onn said that they've figured out a way to send everyone back to the past.

_Barry:_ I see.

_Wally:…_It was nice to see you again Uncle Barry. I missed you.

_Barry:_ Please try to stay out of trouble Wally.

_Wally:_ Who? Me?

……………………………………………………………………………..

_December 14, 2058_

Well, it's over now. The League managed to stop the bad guys and sent everyone back home. I really miss Uncle Barry, it was cool to see him. Although I miss Aunt Iris and Mom too…

Oh well. Enough of that. Ollie's mad because we didn't invite him to help us with **Project Get Luthor Drunk**. Hey, at least we managed to videotape it. Everyone's been wanting a copy of it.

Although Starfire was a bit peeved when she found out what Dick did. Starry really needs to lighten up. I mean, even Raven wanted a video of it.

Oh yeah, I hear that Grodd added Terry to his "People to Kill" list. Apparently Ape Face thought that he was almost as annoying as me. Almost! Hah! I'm still number one on his list! Eat that McGinnis!

…………………………………………………………………………………………

**Location:** Gotham City  
**Date:** December 14, 2058  
**Specific Location**: The Batcave

_Bruce:_ Fuzz Butt?

_Terry:_ It sounded good at the time. I also called him a Donkey Kong Wannabe.

_Bruce (dryly):_ You have such a talent for enduring nicknames.

_Terry:_ Want to hear what I call you?

_Bruce:_ No.


	24. Chapter 24

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 24**

_December 15, 2058_

Today was pretty boring. I called Ollie and we're going to go Christmas shopping together tomorrow. We're going to use this as an opportunity to plot our New Year's Eve prank.

I don't know what to get Linda. I always ask her to make a wish list for me and she always tells me that she wants to be surprised.

We've been doing this for almost fifty years and I still don't understand it.

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

**The Great Shopping Adventure  
****Location:** Gotham City  
**Date:** December 16, 2058

_Ollie:_ So why are we shopping in Gotham again? Why didn't we just go to Keystone?

_Wally:_ Because the Starbucks in Gotham taste better than the ones in Keystone.

_Ollie:_ No they don't. They taste the same.

_Wally:_ They do too!

_Ollie:_ Do not.

_Wally:_ Do…

_Ollie:_ Not. Do!

_Wally:_ Do not!

_Wally:_ What the…hey! You bastard!

_Ollie:_ You're too easy Wally.

_Wally: (grumbles)_

_Ollie:_ So what're you getting Linda?

_Wally:_ What're you getting Dinah?

_Ollie:…_

_Wally:_ Hah!

_Ollie: (sighs)_ Women are too complicated.

_Unspecified Joker: (Points a gun):_ Hand over your credits old geezers.

_Wally:_ Is he talking to us?

_Jokerz Leader:_ I said hand them over!

_Ollie:_ No really, are you talking to _us_?

_Joker#2:_ You crazy old man! _(Holds out a knife_) Who the hell does it look like we're talking to?

_Wally:_ You're _actually _trying to _rob_ us?

_Joker #3:_ Shut up Old Coot!

_Wally:_ Hey, I'm an Old Coot now.

_Ollie:_ I'm a crazy old man.

_Joker#2r:_ Give us your money!

_Wally and Ollie: (Start laughing)_

_Jokerz Leader:_ Get them!

**A second later:**

_Jokerz Gang:_** #&$?**

_Ollie:_ Nice touch, tying their shoelaces together.

_Wally:_ That's what they get for not wearing laceless boots.

_Ollie:_ You're not wearing laceless boots.

_Wally:_ Geez, do you have to be so technical?

_Ollie:_ Hey, let's take their money and give it to some charity. It is the Christmas season after all. It's our civic duty to be giving.

_Jokerz Leader:_ You can't!

_Ollie:_ Oops! What do you know…I just did!

_Joker#3:_ You're dead Old Man!

_Ollie: _Give me a few more years son, hopefully another decade or two.

_Wally:_ I've got an idea! Let's strip their clothes and tie them to that lamppost with them!

_Ollie:_ That's great!

_Jokerz Gang:_ **NOO!**

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Location:** Gotham City Police Station  
**Date:** December 16, 2058  
**Specific Location**: Commissioner Barbara Gordon's Office

_Unidentified police officer:_ Er…Ma'am?

_Commissioner Gordon:_ What?

_Unidentified police officer:_ Uh…I have an interesting report for you concerning a group of Jokerz.

_Commissioner Gordon:_ Interesting? That pathetic gang of wannabe crooks?

_Unidentified police officer (smirks): _Here.

_Commissioner Gordon:…_

_Commissioner Gordon:_ What the…?

_Unidentified police officer:_ The two old men apparently told the Jokerz that they belonged to some secret left-wing organization called the GAS. Perhaps we should check into…

_Commissioner Gordon: (Starts laughing)_

_Unidentified police officer:_ Ma'am?

_Commissioner Gordon:_ Er…nothing. Investigate further.

**Unidentified police officer leaves:**

_Commissioner Gordon: (Hits a speed dial on her cell phone.)_

_Commissioner Gordon: Hello Bruce…_

………………………………………………………………………………………..

**Location:** Gotham City, still  
**Date:** December 16, 2058

_Wally:_ This sucks.

_Ollie:_ You want to try that perfume store?

**Enter perfume store:**

_Ollie:_ Gah, this is an estrogen nightmare.

_Wally: (Sniffs a random perfume sample)_

_Wally: (Sneezes)_

_Ollie:_ Hey look. It's Terry!

_Wally:_ Huh? Terry!

_Terry:_ What're you two doing here?

_Ollie:_ Probably the same as you. We're shopping for our women.

_Wally:_ Unless Bruce has started to wear perfume.

_Ollie:_ Oh good Lord.

_Terry (dryly):_ Yeah, I'll buy him some thongs while I'm at it.

_Wally:_ Bad mental image.

_Ollie:_ Don't you have classes?

_Terry:_ I'm off for winter break until second semester starts in January.

_Wally:_ Any luck shopping for Dana?

_Terry:_ ….

_Ollie:_ I guess not.

_Wally: (Starts laughing)_

_Ollie:_ Now what?

_Terry:_ What twisted idea have you thought up now?

_Wally:_ Let's go find a Starbucks and I'll tell you.

**To be continued:**


	25. Chapter 25

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 25**

**Location:** Gotham City  
**Date:** December 16, 2058  
**Specific Location:** Starbucks Cafe

Terry: So what's your great idea?

Ollie: Please enlighten us.

_Wally: (Happily slurping on a latte.)_

_Ollie:_ Wally…

_Wally:_ Hold on, you can't rush genius.

_Terry: (Glare)_

_Wally:_ Has anyone ever told you that you look like Bruce?

_Ollie:_ Now that you mention it…they do look alike.

_Wally:_ Are you guys, like, secretly related or something?

_Terry:_ Don't be stupid. How could I be related to him?

_Wally:_ Uh….secret organization bent on resurrecting Batman implants Bruce's DNA into…

_Ollie:_ You've been watching too many movies.

_Terry (annoyed):_ Would you just tell us your idea already?

_Wally:_ You sure you're not really related?

_Terry and Ollie:_ WALLY!

_Wally:_ Geez, you don't have to yell.

_Ollie:_ You have three seconds to tell us before I unleash the Black Canary.

_Wally:…._I have Linda. Bring it on.

_Ollie:_ That might be fun to watch. Throw Terry's girlfriend in there and we can have a real cat fight.

_Terry:_ Don't forget Max.

_Ollie:_ We're getting off subject again! Wally, just spit it out!

_Wally:_ Okay, fine. I have a great idea for a prank to pull on New Year's Eve.

_Ollie: _Which is?

_Wally: _That we do absolutely….nothing.

_Terry:_ What? What kind of plan is that?

_Ollie_:…?

_Ollie:_ I think I get it. Use their fear against them.

_Terry:_ That sounds like something Bruce would do.

_Wally:_ Actually, I got it from him. He used to do it to me all the time.

_Ollie:_ We can lead some false trails; make them _think _we have something planned.

_Terry:_ I can drop some hints to Bruce.

_Ollie:_ I'll, of course, piss off Clark and the Council.

_Wally:_ I'll drop a hint to John.

_Ollie:_ We'll have to stay away from J'onn.

_Wally:_ Hey, I just thought of something. We're leaving out the most crucial player here.

_Ollie:_ Huh? Oh _yeah…_We have to freak _Him _out.

_Terry:_ Who?

_Wally:_ Terry, we have already introduced you to the great arts of Bruce Baiting, Stewart Baiting and Clark Baiting. Now is the time for you to face the craziest one yet.

_Terry:_ Shayera?

_Ollie:_ Shayera's in a class of her own.

_Wally:_ No, no, I'm talking about the great art of Question baiting.

_Terry:_ Is that fun?

_Wally and Ollie:_ (grin)

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Location:** Gotham City  
**Date:** December 16, 2058  
**Specific Location:** The Batcave

_Bruce:_ Did you have a good time shopping?

_Terry:_ So you know I saw Wally and Ollie, huh?

_Bruce:_ Barbara informed me of their activities concerning a group of Jokerz. I figured it was only inevitable that you run into them.

_Terry:_ Yeah, well…never mind.

_Bruce:_ Never mind what?

_Terry:_ It's nothing.

_Bruce:_ McGinnis…

_Terry:_ Uh oh.

_Bruce:_ I can read you like a book.

_Terry:_ I promised I wouldn't tell!

_Bruce:_ Promise? What are they up to now?

_Terry:_ _(Glare)_

_Bruce (warning):_ McGinnis…

_Terry:_ Fine. Wally's planning something big on New Year's Eve. Ollie knows, but the bastards wouldn't tell me what they were planning.

_Bruce: (raises an eyebrow)_

_Bruce (dryly):_ They wouldn't tell_ you_? I find that odd.

_Terry (dryly):_ Well it's the truth. They were afraid you'd pull it out of me.

_Bruce (suspicious):_ Hmmm….

………………………………………………………………………………………..

**From:** John Stewart  
**To:** Bruce Wayne  
**Date:** December 17, 2058  
**Subject:** Wally

The Kid's up to something. Shayera tried to get it out of him, but Wally clammed up. Does Terry know anything?

John.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**From:** Bruce Wayne  
**To:** John Stewart  
**Date:** December 17, 2058  
**Subject:** Wally

I have been unable to find out. Terry knows they're doing something on New Year's Eve, but that's it. Apparently they're being smarter. They refused to tell McGinnis because they were afraid I'd find out.

Then again, it is also a strong possibility that Terry knows and is refusing to say. If all else fails, we can always get J'onn to scan one of them.

Bruce

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

**From:** John Stewart  
**To:** Bruce Wayne  
**Date:** December 17, 2058  
**Subject:** J'onn

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't J'onn still mad at you for messing with his Oreos?

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

**Location:** Metropolis  
**Date:** December 18, 2058  
**Specific Location:** Justice League Embassy

_Diana:_ So what are we going to do?

_Clark:_ Damn Wally.

_J'onn:_ Don't forget Ollie.

_Dr. Fate:_ I suppose we shall have to be on our guards. Mr. Queen will most likely mobilize the GAS against us.

_Clark:_ Damn Wally.

_Diana:_ J'onn, can't you just scan one of them?

_J'onn (sighs):_ I'm afraid that they've been staying away from here and the Tower. Also, none of Ollie's subordinates know anything either.

_Dr. Fate:_ By the way J'onn. I'm surprised that you haven't done anything to Bruce or Wally for touching your Oreos.

_J'onn_:…In due time.

……………………………………………………………………….

**Excerpt from the personal journal of Charles Victor Szasz:**  
_Date:_ December 18, 2058

The troublesome trio is up to something. I am led to believe that this will be their greatest prank ever. This perhaps could be more dangerous than that left-wing Communist Green Arrow Society of theirs.

Helena tells me that I'm overreacting. I told her she's not reacting enough.

She also told me to stop telling our grandchildren that Santa Claus is an evil, corrupt Nazi who forces the elves to work as slave labor in sweat shops. I don't know what the problem is. They shouldn't look up to a fictional character with that kind of moral code.

That is, if he IS fictional. After all, with all the strange people I've met, why can't Santa Clause be real?

I need to look into all of this some more.


	26. Chapter 26

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 26**

**Location:** Justice League Watchtower  
**Date:** December 19, 2058  
**Mission:** Question Baiting

_Terry:_ I don't know how Bruce expects me to find out what Ollie and Wally are up to. They won't tell me this time. You got any ideas Mr. Sage?

_Vic Sage:_ Have you tried spying on them?

_Terry:_ Ollie's too smart for that.

_Vic:_ Yes, which makes this all the more troubling.

_Terry:_ I know they're doing something big, but I don't know what.

_Terry: (Makes a dramatic show of thinking hard.)_

_Vic: (No response.)_

_Terry:_…?

_Terry:_ What are you looking at?

_Vic:_ I'm studying some observations of mine. Helena doesn't believe me when I tell her that there's a possibility that Santa Clause actually exists.

_Terry's Inner Thought:_ You crazy old man.

_Terry:_ Santa isn't real.

_Vic:_ Why not?

_Terry: (raises an eyebrow)_

_Vic:_ How do you know he isn't? Think about it, what percentage of the League has been and currently does consist of aliens, meta-humans and other supposedly mythical beings?

_Terry_:…

_Terry:_ Good point. But how do you explain the flying reindeer then?

_Vic:_ Shining Knight had a flying horse.

_Terry_:…

_Vic:_ Oh, and exactly how many Leaguers have the ability to fly or teleport?

_Terry_:….

_Vic:_ See?

_Terry:_ What about the ability to visit _every_ child on earth in a _single_ night?

_Vic:_ There's a little thing called time zones. It's not night time at the same time all over the earth.

_Terry:_ Oh yeah.

_Terry:_ I guess that makes sense. But I never got any presents from him. All of my "Santa" presents were from my parents.

_Vic:_ I have some theories on that.

………………………………………………………………………………

**From:** Helena Szasz  
**To:** Dinah Queen  
**Date:** December 20, 2058  
**Subject:** The Santa Conspiracy

In case your husband is wondering, yes, Q is definitely being driven insane by trying to figure out what the Terrible Two are going to do on New Year's Eve.

Oh and the reason for the subject heading is that Vic thinks that Santa might be real. He actually managed to convince Terry McGinnis of all people too. The kid was trying to worry Vic by telling him what Wally and Ollie might be up to, but instead he ended up falling victim to Vic's twisted mind.

Vic started telling him his Santa conspiracy theories. By the end, Terry was actually asking questions. I think he now honestly believes what Vic told him.

Bruce is going to kill Vic.

Helena

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Location:** Gotham City  
**Date:** December 20, 2058  
**Specific Location:** The Batcave

_Bruce:_ McGinnis….what have I told you about listening to the Question?

_Terry:_ But how do you _know _that Santa isn't real?

_Bruce: (Sighs and rubs forehead)_

_Bruce:_ McGinnis…

_Terry:_ Well?

_Bruce:_ If Santa Clause was real, don't you think that with all the technology and superheroes running around, someone might have found him by now?

_Terry:…_

_Terry:_ It could be a…

_Bruce:_ It's not a cover up. It's _not _a conspiracy. _Never _listen to the Question.

_Terry:_ Look, I'm not saying that Santa's a nice guy. I mean, how can you trust a guy who knows if you're awake or sleeping?

_Bruce:_ I'm not going to discuss this.

_Terry:_ Maybe he's a pervert who likes little kids…

_Bruce:_ Terry! Enough!

_Terry:_ According to Mr. Sage, Santa's a sadistic Nazi who forces the elves to work as slave labor.

_Bruce (warning):_ McGinnis…

_Terry:_ Did the CIA knock him off or something?

_Bruce:_ This conversation is over. Get to work.

_Terry:_ Maybe Santa's an alien…

_Bruce:_ (**GLARE**)

_Terry:_ Fine. I'll shut up.

…………………………………………………………………………………

**Excerpt from the Personal Journal of Bruce Wayne:**

_Date:_ December 20, 2058

I've added Charles Victor Szasz to my "List". I've ranked him number three after Wally and Ollie. What the hell must I do with Terry, lock him in a closet? Why does everyone feel they must imprint their bad influences upon my son? Granted, none of them know yet that he is biologically my child, but that's not the point. He's my protégé and student.

I suppose if worse comes to worse, I'll let Shayera or Diana "train" him for a week. He obviously no longer fears me, so I must find other sources.

I also can not find what Ollie and Wally are up to. My research leads me to conclude that those hooligans are up to something. Since they did not even tell Terry their plans (or so he claims), I'm worried. I know these two 'children' and I cringe at what they might do.

I need to figure this out before it's too late.

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

_December 20, 2058_

**Operation Question Baiting** failed! Vic Sage **AKA **the Question **AKA** the Kook brainwashed Terry!

If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.

Terry did tell me by the way that both Vic and Bruce are obsessed with finding out our "plans". I can't wait to see their faces when nothing happens.

To make them even more scared, Ollie went and "secretly" bought several boxes of some really rank, cheap perfume.

They're a little worried about what we're going to do with it. I don't know what we'll do with it after New Year's.

Ollie and I also made a show of secretly "planning" our prank while we were around John and Shayera. I whispered "Dancing Girls" really loud and Ollie pretended to quietly shush me.

I never knew that psychological warfare could be so much fun.

………………………………………………………………………………..

**Location:** The Stewart Home  
**Date:** December 21, 2058

_Shayera:_ Terry, you can't believe everything that Vic tells you.

_John:_ In fact, most of the time you _can't_.

_Rex:_ I don't know, I think he has a point.

_John:_ Not you too!

_Rex:_ Who says that there can't be flying reindeer?

_Shayera_: If Santa was real, we'd have…

_Terry:_ He could be hiding.

_Rex:_ Maybe he's a shapeshifter or something.

_John:_ For God's sake, Santa is not…

_Terry:_ Maybe it's J'onn!

_John:_ J'onn is not Santa! Santa is supposed to be hundreds of years old for crying out loud!

Shayera: Calm down John.

_Rex:_ Maybe it's like on that Tim Allen movie, The Santa Clause.

_Shayera:_ That's only a mo…

_Terry:_ Maybe it _is _J'onn. He can shapeshift.

_Rex:_ And fly.

_Terry:_ And teleport.

_Rex:_ Become invisible.

_Terry:_ Go through walls…

_Rex:_ And he's telepathic. He'd know if you were naughty or nice.

_Terry:_ Or even if you were awake or sleeping.

_Shayera:_ Boys…

_Rex:_ Don't forget Z'onn Z'orr. It's that ancient Martian City in Antarctica.

_Shayera:_ That's in the Antarctic, not the North Pole dear.

_Rex:_ But that could be where they got the North Pole idea!

_John:_ I can't believe this! J'onn is NOT Santa Clause!

_Rex:_ Maybe not J'onn necessarily. It could be a secret society of Martians. That's why we've never found him.

S_hayera_:…

_Terry:_ Or maybe it's…OREOS!

_John:_ What?

_Rex:_ That's right! He's addicted to Oreos!

_Shayera:_ '_Oreo' _cookies!

_Terry:_ So? They're still cookies!

_Rex:_ That's it! J'onn _HAS _to be Santa!

_John:_ FOR THE LAST TIME! J'ONN IS **NOT** SANTA!

_Shayera:_ Lord give me strength.


	27. Chapter 27

_Author's note: Good news boys and girls! Due to popular demand (and ever more twisted ideas on my part) This Ain't the Golden Years shall live on past the New Year's Eve bash. However, updating might be sporadic during a 10-week period this summer. I've decided to dunk myself head first into an intensive 10 week, 6 hour a day, 5 days a week second year Japanese language program. It's gonna be brutal. Never fear though, even if I'm unable to update, I shall continue to write more chapters and whatever other twisted ideas I may come up with._

_It might help keep me sane._

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 27**

**Location:** Justice League Watchtower  
**Date:** December 22, 2058  
**Mission:** Is J'onn Santa?

_Rex:_ I can't believe you have the flu McGinnis.

_Terry: (Groans)_

_Green Lantern (The young Tibetan whose real name escapes me but shall hence forth be called 'GL'.)_

_GL:_ Shouldn't you be in bed?

_Rex:_ If I get sick McGinnis, I'm coming after you.

_Terry:_ Kill my brother while you're at it. He gave it to me.

_GL:_ Try not to throw up on us _please_.

_Rex:_ How're we supposed to spy on J'onn if you're sick?

_Terry: (Looks an unhealthy shade of green)_

_Rex:_ That's it, go home! You're going to jeopardize the mission!

_Terry:_ Why? So my Mom can hover over me?

_Rex:…_I hate it when my mom does that. I bet that your mom never threatens you with a mace though.

_Terry:_ She doesn't need a mace.

_Terry: (Gags)_

_GL:_ Don't you dare throw…

_Rex:_ _Why_ don't you go to Bruce's then?

_Terry (miserable):_ Because he banished me from the mansion until I get better. He doesn't want the flu.

_Rex:_ Smart man.

_GL:_ It does leave one to wonder though. Why is it that with all the medical advances there is still no cure for the flu or the common cold?

_Terry:_ Conspiracy.

_GL:_ Somehow I knew that response was coming.

_Rex:_ Shh! There's J'onn!

_Rex, Terry and GL_: ….

_Rex (whispering):_ Man, look at all those Oreos….

_(J'onn ignores the hidden trio as he eats his way through a second Oreo bag.)_

_GL:_ Man, that's almost enough to make you sick…

_GL and Rex:_ Oh no.

_Terry: (GAGS)_

_Rex:_ Don't you dare McGinnis!

_(J'onn raises an amused eyebrow as he pops another Oreo in his mouth.)_

_Terry (weakly):_ I think I'm gonna throw up…

_Rex:_ **MCGINNIS!**

_Shayera:_ Rex, what are you….Terry! Are you sick?

_GL:_ Yes! Please take him away!

_Terry: (An even more unhealthy shade of green.)_

_Shayera (firmly):_ You're going home.

_Terry:_ No!

_Terry: (Gags miserably)_

_Shayera:_ Then you're going to the Medical Lab.

_Shayera: (Drags Terry away.)_

_GL (sweetly):_ Bye Terry.

_Terry:_ I hope you get sick.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

**Justice League Medical Lab**  
**Patient:** McGinnis, Terrence  
**Date:** December 22, 2058  
**Injuries:** Influenza  
**Other: **Refuses to return home.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Excerpt from Clark's Telephone Conversation with Diana:  
Date:** _December 22, 2058_

_Clark:_ Well, I don't think we need to worry about Terry now. He should stay out of trouble until he gets better.

_Diana:_ The key word there is "should".

_Clark:_ Yeah, I'm still concerned about what Wally and Ollie are up to.

_Diana:_ Hera, I'm not sure if I _want_ to know.

_Clark:_ Actually, this might be a good time for J'onn to scan him. I know that Terry's not telling us everything.

**Unfortunately for Clark, Fifteen minutes earlier: **

_Ollie:_ You'd better go home Kid. We don't want to risk J'onn scanning you.

_Wally:_ He's right. We're busted if the Green Guy scans any of us.

_Terry:_ Damn it. I don't want to go home.

_Wally:_ Look at it this way; you're mom's probably better than Shayera. She makes terrible chicken soup.

_Ollie:_ She also has a mace.

_Wally:_ Believe me, if you don't go home, Shayera's going to take it upon herself to play "Mom" for you.

_Terry:_…

_Terry:_ Okay, fine.

**Clark Fifteen Minutes Later:**

_Clark:_ What do you mean he went home?

_Doctor:_ That's what I said Sir. We'd recommended it from the start.

_Clark:_ Damn it.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_December 22, 2058_

We had a close one today. Terry was being a stubborn, well, a stubborn Bat and refused to go home. Ollie and I had to convince him that it was too dangerous for him to be at the Watchtower.

Damn it, that kid's as stubborn as Bruce.

Anyway, Ollie and I continued on our quest to scare the Council. We somehow even got our wives in on it. Linda and Dinah had forced us to tell them what we were planning. They thought it was hilarious once we told them that we actually weren't doing anything. (It took a little while to convince them though.)

Linda and Dinah are going to have a "Girls' Day Out" tomorrow with Lois, Diana, Shayera, and Helena to do some last minute shopping. I hear that they're also taking Terry's friend Max and his girlfriend Dana.

Hmm…

Bruce: Diana

Terry: Dana

Is that a coincidence?

Oh well. Anyway, they've got this big girls' day out tomorrow and Linda and Dinah promised to help us with our prank. I'm not sure if Max and Dana know what we're up to.

By the way, is J'onn really Santa? Rex and Terry told me and Vic their theory and even I'm convinced. They were going to spy/confront him today, but Terry's flu foiled their plan. I know they're going to try again. I also know that Vic's probably got some scheme up his sleeve.

Hmm, should I get in on this?

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

**The Justice League Daily Service Announcement  
Date: **_December 22, 2058_

Fellow Leaguers,

J'onn J'onzz is really Santa Clause! It's true! For a complete list of why, it is posted down in the Mess Hall.

Santa Clause will be glad to consider your Christmas Wish List in exchange for Oreo cookies.

Have a nice day.

……………………………………………………………………………………

**Location:** Justice League Watchtower  
**Date:** December 22, 2058

_Clark:_ What the…who wrote that League announcement?

_Red Tornado:_ I believe it was Wally.

_Clark: _I should have known.

_Shayera:_ My son was the one who posted the list in the Mess Hall.

_Diana:_ Actually, did you read it? It actually makes…

_John:_ It doesn't make sense! J'onn is not Santa!

_Clark:_…?

_Clark:_ Where's J'onn?

…………………………………………………………………………………….

**The Real Justice League Daily Service Announcement  
Date: **_December 22, 2058_

Fellow Leaguers,

J'onn J'onzz **IS NOT** Santa Clause! There are to be no more Oreo bribes in exchange for Christmas presents.

Have a nice day.

………………………………………………………………………………………

_Author's Note: I had a mild case of the flu and decided to pass it on to Terry. He probably hates me now. Also, J'onn will get Bruce and Wally back soon for the messing with his Oreos._


	28. Chapter 28

_Special Fall Preview: I won't be able to start any new stories this summer (and it's going to be all I can do to update), but here's a preview of some ideas I'm thinking about for late summer/fall. Vote if you like an idea or feel free to toss me any suggestions. I won't be able to get to these right away. I have about 6-7 chapters left on Resurrecting the Red, which I'd like to get finished by the time I've started on my "Grand Adventure" this summer. This and Shades of Avarice will take a little more time to complete. I figure I'll do this story until either I run out of ideas, I run out of time, or if I find a good stopping point. _

_Anyway, some possible stories:_

_News Day: Several reporters, including Clark Kent and Lois Lane, have been invited up to the Justice League Watchtower (or the new embassy in Metropolis) to conduct interviews. Too bad every other Leaguer is intent on antagonizing the Kryptonian in disguise. (coughFlashcough) This would be from 2-5 chapters in length probably._

_Special Day: Birthdays are supposed to be special days. In this story, each chapter will focus on the birthdays of different characters at different periods in their lives, ranging from sad to funny, to the incredibly bizarre. The timeline will probably range from now to post-Epilogue._

_Injustice!: An Injustice League humor fic written in the style of This Ain't the Golden Years._

_Untitled: Either Wally or Vic Sage discovers the joys of parenthood. Humor_

_Vic: No! We can't feed our child Gerber's!_

_Helena (sarcastically): Yes and disposable diapers are the work of the devil, aren't they Vic?_

_The Authoress (Me): I bet old Vic would change his tune after changing one or two diapers._

_Untitled: One of the Leaguers experiencing a midlife crisis. Not sure who yet._

_Untitled: Wally and Dick have a "Grand Adventure." Too bad they don't agree._

_Untitled: A mysterious time shift forces Wally West (aged somewhere between 40-60 or 70) back into the past, which would be the present time._

_I'll probably start on News Day after Resurrecting the Red is finished in a few weeks since it'll only be a few chapters._

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 28**

_December 23, 2058_

Okay I _really_ have to know. Could J'onn ACTUALLY be Santa? I mean, it does sorta make sense. I nonchalantly asked him and tried to make it look like I was joking _(Wally of course failed.)_. He just smiled and didn't give me a yes or no.

Damn J'onn. I'll bet he's just doing that to play mind games with me. By the way, Ollie and I thought that _Project Nothing _was almost destroyed. Stupid J'onn read my mind.

In an unexpected bit of development he actually promised not to do or say anything. According to the Martian, we weren't actually doing anything so there wasn't any point in saying anything about it. I think he's secretly getting a kick out of it.

I think he's also enjoying the fact that for once someone's able to play mind games with Bruce.

Anyway, our wives are having a Girls' Day Out today. I wonder how that's going? I would have bribed J'onn to eavesdrop for me, but I can't do that since he's already keeping quiet about _Project Nothing_.

If J'onn's Santa I hope Bruce gets a lot of coal.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

**Date:** December 23, 2058  
**Location:** Metropolis  
**Specific Location:** The Mall

_Lois:_ I hope you two are happy. Clark's trying not to tear his hair out.

_Kara:_ Hey, I can help him with that.

_Helena:_ You hold him down and I'll yank.

_Barbara:_ Is that possible? I'd think you'd need superstrength to do that.

_Diana:_ I'll yank.

_Shayera:_ I'll use my mace.

_Lois:_ I'll tell him you all said that.

_Dinah:_ What's he going to do against all of us?

_Linda:_ Run.

_Everyone: (Laughs)_

_Helena:_ Hey, who are you? I know who Max is.

_Dana:_ Dana Tan, I'm Terry's girlfriend.

_Barbara:_ We brought them along because we thought we needed two new members.

_Max:_ Members?

_Lois:_ The Association of Dangerous Women

_Diana:_ We have other members, but not all of them are here.

_Dana:_ Schway.

_Lois:_ Anyway, back to business. Because of your husbands…

_Dana:_ And my boyfriend

_Lois:_ and Terry…because of them, Clark's going insane. He was pulling a Question yesterday and today.

_Helena:_ Really?

_Lois:_ Yeah, he has a whole wall covered up in the barn with all his "theories" of what Ollie, Wally, and probably Terry are up to.

_Kara:_ He chased me out yesterday after I tried to burn them.

_Dinah:_ I want to see it.

_Linda:_ Me too.

_Lois:_ I don't know, Clark's kind of…

_Barbara:_ Hey! I want to see the wall!

_Shayera:_ I do too.

_Helena:_ Everyone in favor of looking at Clark's wall and/or giving him verbal abuse raise your hand.

_Everyone: (Raises hand)_

_Diana:_ You've been outvoted Lois.

_Shayera:_ Just out of curiosity, _WHAT_ are they planning anyway?

_Dinah:_ It's a secret.

_Barbara:_ Aha! So you _do_ know!

_Linda:_ Of course we do, we're their wives.

_Kara:_ Dammit! I want to know!

_Linda:_ Well…it will definitely be their biggest prank ever.

_Dinah:_ The Boyscout will probably be in shock for a month.

_Dana:_ Er…why do you guys call him the Boyscout? He's Superman.

_Helena:_ I guess you're still getting used to the whole "I'm dating a superhero thing, huh?"

_Max:_ Yeah.

_Dana:_ Hey! You've known since our senior year. I only found out at the beginning of this semester.

_Max:_ Hey, I just realized something. Terry turns twenty-one next month.

_Kara:_ Party!

_Barbara:_ Bruce would kill you.

_Helena:_ Let's get him drunk!

_Shayera:_ Can't you guys think of anything besides getting people drunk? You're as bad as the men.

_Helena:_ Hey, I need some kind of amusement. I can only laugh at Vic so much.

_Lois:_ That poor man.

_Shayera:_ Poor man? He's the one that started this whole Santa Clause mess!

_Helena:_ Your son and Terry were the ones who came up with the "J'onn is Santa" idea.

_Max:_ Uh…I thought we were going to go make fun of Mr. Kent and his conspiracy wall.

_Helena:_ I have to finish shopping first.

_Linda:_ You're not done yet?

_Helena:_ You know how hard it is to shop for Vic?

_Linda:_ Lingerie?

_Helena:_ Do I still look twenty to you?

_Linda:_….

_Linda:_ Lingerie?

_Shayera:_ You're as bad as Wally.

_Linda:_ You try being married to him for fifty years.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

**Excerpt from the Personal Diary of Clark Kent:**

**Date:** December 23, 2058

Damn Wally. Damn Ollie. I tried to get J'onn to scan them, but he claimed that he was unable to. He told me not to get so worked up about this, that they've pulled pranks before.

Except this isn't ANY prank. They've been bragging about it for the past two weeks. Even Terry has a permanent smirk on his face. I'm trying to figure out what they're up to. I still remember how Wally and Kara hid my car during mine and Lois's wedding. Then they hid clues around the world for me.

I ended up finding the damn thing in the middle of the Himalayas. Because of this and other things, it's only understandable that I'm worried.

Dammit, what are they doing? I've made a list of every possible clue that I've learned from them. I've written down some information that they've accidentally given out. Now if only I can make sense of it.

I tried to get Bruce to help me, but he's conducting an investigation of his own. Somehow though, I don't think he's quite as worried about this as me. He probably thinks he's safer down in the batcave.

J'onn told me that Bruce is worried too though. So maybe not. Anyway….what the hell?

……………………………………………………………………………………………..

**Date:** December 23, 2058  
**Location:** Smallville, Kansas  
**Specific Location:** The Kent farm

_Clark:_ What the hell?

_Lois:_ Hi honey. I brought some company, I hope you don't mind.

_Clark: (Gapes)_

_Helena:_ Where's the wall?

_Kara:_ Hey! He's got two walls covered now!

_Clark:_ **KARA! DON'T TOUCH THAT!**

_Diana:_ Great Hera.

_Shayera:_ Even John's not this obsessed.

_Clark:_ I'm not obsessed!

_Max:_ Defensive, aren't we?

_Dinah:_ Hey Linda, look at this one!

_Clark:_ What are _they _doing here?

_Linda (innocently):_ Who? Us?

_Clark:_ But…they…you….but….

_Lois:_ Slow down Smallville.

_Clark:_ They're the enemy!

_Dinah:_ We're the enemy.

_Linda:_ Really?

_Lois:_ How are they the enemy?

_Clark:_ They're spying!

_Shayera:_ Actually…Helena, Babs, Max, and Dana are the ones taking pictures.

_Clark:_ WHAT?

_Dinah:_ We should have brought a camcorder.

_Helena:_ Don't worry; I've got one on my cell phone. It can hold thirty minutes.

_Barbara:_ You'll have to give me a copy of that.

_Clark: (Sputters)_

_Shayera:_ You know, I hate to say this, but I think you've put Vic Sage to shame.

_Helena:_ I'll tell him you said that. He's supposed to be the Kook, not Kent.

_Kara:_ So if Clark's the Kook, does that make Vic the Boyscout now?

_Dinah:_ Good God.

_Helena:_ Vic would listen to a boy band before he became a boyscout.

_Linda:_ I thought boy bands were evil.

_Max:_ They _are _evil. I agree.

_Helena:_ The lesser of two evils.

_Clark:_ Hey!

_Barbara:_ So if the Boyscouts are evil, how come your granddaughter is a Girlscout?

_Clark:_ Isn't anyone listening to me?

_Shayera:_ I was wondering about that too.

_Helena:_ There're two reasons actually. The first one is that he wanted to infiltrate the Girlscouts to spy on them.

_Dinah:_ I expected that one. What's the second?

_Clark:_ Hey! I'm trying to work in here!

_Lois:_ Shh.

_Helena:_ He's addicted to Girlscout cookies.

_Kara:_ Really?

_Clark:_ HEY!

_The women: (Look blankly at him and start talking again.)_

_Clark: (Gives up and sulks back into the house.)_

……………………………………………………………………………………………

_Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Should or should not J'onn really be Santa? I'm not decided yet, so your vote will count._


	29. Chapter 29

_Wow, thanks for all the input. I hope everyone is satisfied by what I decided to write concerning "J'onnta Clause"/Santa J'onn. I probably won't be able to update my other stories again until the 20th, but we'll see. I have a huge research essay (and some other misc annoying things) that are due next week._

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 29**

**The Justice League Daily Service Announcement  
Date: **_December 24, 2058_

Fellow Leaguers,

Because it is Christmas Eve, those of you wishing to be at home with your families may do so. We have a list of Leaguers who have volunteered for active duty and stand by during the holiday. However, please be ready to assist if any major crisis should occur.

Happy Holidays

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

_December 24, 2058_

Linda has banned me from any major pranks the next two days. However, this doesn't limit me from small ones.

Our kids and grandkids are over. Jai and his lovely (and sometimes dangerous) wife said that they would help Linda cook. Iris, her husband, and I have been banished from the kitchen, which is very unfair. Iris complained and Linda responded with her usual "Like Father like Daughter" speech. We're supposed to keep on eye on the grandkids.

I think Iris and I (and possibly her husband) will use our banishment to plot our revenge.

Like Father like Daughter she says. Jai's not as innocent as she claims. The twins were holy terrors when they were kids. I still remember when they challenged J'onn to an Oreo eating contest. It was a close call, but they won. I think J'onn let them win.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Terry, Kai-ro, and Rex are currently conducting an "investigation" into the J'onnta Clause theory. I know Terry can't spend a lot of time on it since it's Christmas Eve. I guess he invited Bruce over to their apartment for Christmas Dinner. Can you believe that Mary McGinnis STILL doesn't know that her beloved Terry is Batman? I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I mean, after all, how long did it take Lois?

Personally, I never understood how a stupid pair of glasses could fool anyone. Especially, you know, with how many times Lois was around "Clark" and "Superman". I heard that Amanda Waller made fun of her for that, but I don't know if it's true.

Uh oh. Linda just banished another West from the kitchen. Wait, make that two. She kicked our grandson David and our granddaughter Amy out. They're now sulking by the Christmas tree with the cat. And…what the…what is Iris doing? She just hijacked Linda's perfume.

I see. She's switching the perfume. My brilliant daughter also put some of my cologne (plus some Tabasco sauce) in one of her bottles. Wait a minute…Tabasco sauce?

_(Wally takes a brief break from writing in order to halt his daughter's act of revenge. He doesn't quite have the nerve to piss off Linda today.)_

I guess the Tabasco sauce wasn't for Linda. Apparently she's going to put it in a convenient place on the Watchtower and see if anyone tries to put some on. _(By the way, Wally's daughter Iris is the current Flash.)_

Just for the record, I had nothing to do with this one. I will plead the fifth to whoever decides to put on the Tabasco enhanced perfume.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

**Date:** December 24, 2058  
**Location:** The Watchtower  
**From:** Kai-ro _(The new Green Lantern)_  
**To:** Terry McGinnis, Rex Stewart

**Mission Report**

I think J'onn's up to something, but I'm not quite sure what. I've been making excuses to be in the control room, but I can't find what he is doing. He's monitoring something with the tracking system, but I can't find what.

He probably knows what I'm up to. The Martian always has this mysterious smile whenever I manage to wander in. He also always manages to block his station.

I know you two are tied down for now because of Christmas Eve. Whenever you get a chance tonight, get your butts up here. Until then, I'll try my best.

Green Lantern, signing out.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

**Date:** December 24, 2058  
**Location:** The McGinnis home  
**From:** Terry McGinnis  
**To:** Rex Stewart, Kai-ro

**Mission Report**

Has J'onn been in the Watchtower the whole time? I mean, if he's Santa, he'd be on the job already. It's already been Christmas Eve on the other side of the planet.

That and…not again! My mom's telling Bruce more stories about when I was a kid! The Old Man keeps giving me this hidden smirk every time he glances my way. Dammit!

That's not the worst. My stupid brother almost let it slip to Mom about the Batman thing. He shut up just in time when both Bruce and I glared at him.

Oh yeah, I talked Matt into staying up with a camcorder when I'm gone tonight. If "Santa" comes, Matt will be ready. At least, the twip had BETTER be ready.

Batman, signing out.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Date:** December 24, 2058  
**Location:** The Stewart home  
**From:** Rex Stewart  
**To:** Terry McGinnis, Kai-ro

**Mission Report**

Hey McGinnis, just out of curiosity, did Bruce bring presents or money? Mom and Dad said that all he ever gives is money or gift certificates.

I put a sleeping drug into a bunch of Oreos for "Santa". However, I'm afraid to leave them out in case Mom or Dad eats them. Mom was also asking me again when they might have grandkids.

It's not my fault I can't get a girlfriend!

War Hawk, signing out.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

**Date:** December 24, 2058  
**Location:** The McGinnis home  
**From:** Terry McGinnis  
**To:** Rex Stewart, Kai-ro

**Mission Report**

Bruce actually brought presents! Sort of. His official presents for me were some money and two books. Unofficially, he gave some new training equipment that I've been wanting. He gave Mom a bottle of expensive perfume and Matt got some books too.

Come on Stewart, what do you mean you can't get a girlfriend? Last time I checked there was actually a fangirl website devoted to you.

Batman, signing out.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

**Date:** December 24, 2058  
**Location:** The Watchtower  
**From:** Kai-ro _(The new Green Lantern)_  
**To:** Terry McGinnis, Rex Stewart

**Mission Report**

Would you two focus? This is supposed to be for mission reports only! If you want to gossip, use a cell phone!

That and…J'onn's gone! He just vanished!

Green Lantern, signing out.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

**Date:** December 24, 2058  
**Location:** The McGinnis home  
**From:** Terry McGinnis  
**To:** Rex Stewart, Kai-ro

**Mission Report**

Follow him! Oh, and we're not gossiping! This is vital information!

Batman, signing out.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**The Justice League Emergency Com**  
**Date:** December 24, 2058  
**Time:** 15:56

_War Hawk:_ You're definition of "vital information" needs work McGinnis.

_Batman:_ You asked.

_War Hawk:_ Forget that, where's J'onn?

_Green Lantern:_ I don't know, he's not on the station.

_Batman:_ He gave us the slip?

_Green Lantern:_ I could use some help you know.

_Batman:_ Can't. I won't be able to do anything until my mom's asleep.

_War Hawk:_ Dad insists on a nice, quiet, family dinner tonight. I'll probably have to wait too.

_Green Lantern:_ You two su…

_Batman:_ Just find J'onn!

_Green Lantern:_ How the hell am I supposed to find him?

_War Hawk:_ Have you checked Z'onn Z'orr?

_Green Lantern:_ No, I'll check it…

_Mr. Terrific:_ Hey! Get off the E-Com! You three aren't even conducting League business!

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Excerpt from Terry McGinnis's cell phone Conversation with Rex Stewart:  
Date:** December 24, 2058

_Terry:_ Stupid Terrific, I can't believe he kicked us off.

_Rex:_ Well, technically, we _were _using the Emergency Com when it wasn't an emergency.

_Terry:_ You think J'onn could be Santa? Wouldn't he have disappeared several hours ago if he was?

_Rex:_ Probably. Something's going on though.

_Terry:_ I wonder if Kai-ro's found anything yet?

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

**Location:** Z'onn Z'orr  
**Date:** December 24, 2058  
**Mission:** Where is J'onn?

_Kai-ro:_ _(Peeks around a corner. Hears a strange voice.)_

_J'onn:_ Kai-ro, we know you're here.

_Kai-ro:_ Who's we?

_Unidentified voice:_ Ho Ho Ho!

**To be continued:**


	30. Chapter 30

_I'm finally able to update again! I'm sorry for the long wait. Mooshiwake gozaimasen. (I'm very sorry.)_

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 30**

_**In the last chapter:**_

…

**Location:** Z'onn Z'orr  
**Date:** December 24, 2058  
**Mission:** Where is J'onn?

_Kai-ro:_ _(Peeks around a corner. Hears a strange voice.)_

_J'onn:_ Kai-ro, we know you're here.

_Kai-ro:_ Who's we?

_Unidentified voice:_ Ho Ho Ho!

……

**Now:**

**Location:** Z'onn Z'orr  
**Date:** December 24, 2058  
**Mission:** Where is J'onn?

_Kairo:_ …!

_Kairo:_ Santa?

_J'onn:_ Yes, he is a friend of mine.

_Kairo:_ We thought you were Santa.

_Santa:_ Not quite, young man. However, he does help me every year.

_J'onn:_ I get his cookies.

_Kairo:_ I knew it!

…………………………………………………………………………………………

**Excerpt from Terry McGinnis's cell phone Conversation with Rex Stewart:  
Date:** December 24, 2058

_Terry:_ Okay, so we were kinda off. J'onn isn't really Santa.

_Rex:_ Close enough.

_Terry:_ Maybe he's an elf?

_Rex:_ I dunno, I guess we'll have to….hold on…

_Terry:_…?

_Rex:_ My dad says it's time for us to eat. I've got to go.

_Terry:_ Damn. I really want to go to Z'onn Z'orr.

_Rex:_ Are you still in lockdown?

_Terry:_ Yeah. I'm thinking about putting something in Mom's drink so she goes to sleep sooner.

_Rex:_ McGinnis! You're going to drug your mom?

_Terry:_ Uh…

_Rex: _Is Bruce still there?

_Terry: _No, he left…

_Rex:_ What're you going to use?

_Terry:_ Why? You going to sabotage your family dinner?

_Rex:_ …Maybe…

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Twenty minutes later:**

**Location:** _The Stewart family home_

_John:_ Zzzzzz…..

_Shayera:_ _(Yawns) _Why am I so tired all of a sudden?

_Rex:_ Er_…_._(fakes a yawn)…._

_Rex:_ Must have been the turkey.

_Shayera: (Raises a suspicious eyebrow.)_

_Shayera: (Yawns again)._

_John:_ Zzzz…….

_Rex:_ I think Dad had too much eggnog.

_Shayera:_ He only drank one glass.

_Rex:_……..

_Shayera:_ Rex…what did you….zzzzzzzzz……..

_Rex: (Tiptoes out of the room)._

………………………………………………………………………………………………..

**Twenty minutes later:**

**Location:** _The McGinnis family home_

_Matt:_ Why did Mom fall asleep all of a sudden?

_Terry:_ It was the turkey.

_Matt:_ We didn't have turkey.

_Terry:_ …Then it was the ham.

_Matt: (Glare.)_

_Terry: (Glare.)_

_Matt:_ You drugged Mom, didn't you?

_Terry:_ I didn't drug her!

_Matt: (Suspicious glare.)_

_Terry: (warns)_ If you tell her….

_Matt:_ Is this because of the Santa thing?

_Terry:_ Maybe….

_Matt:_ Can I come?

_Terry:_ No!

_Matt:_ I'll tell Mom.

_Terry:_….

_Terry:_….

_Terry: _I hate you.

……………………………………………………………………….

**Location:** Z'onn Z'orr

_Kairo:_ You two got here fast.

_Terry and Rex:_ Uh……

_J'onn:_ They drugged their parents.

_Terry:_ We didn't drug them!

_Matt:_ Yeah you did.

_Santa:_ Oh dear. That just may put you on my naughty list.

_Rex:_ What?

_Terry:_ That's bull!

_Santa: (Makes another scratch on his naughty list.)_

_Terry:_ Hey! I saw that!

_Rex:_ Shut up McGinnis! Every time you open your mouth you get yourself in trouble!

_Terry:_ How the hell am I on the 'Bad List'?

_Santa: (Makes another check mark.)_

_Rex:_ Shut up Terry!

_Matt:_ Terry doesn't know how to shut up.

_Terry:_ Matt!

_Kairo:_ I don't know them.

_J'onn:_ We had a difficult time with you, Terry. Between your good deeds and your…pranks…

_Santa:_ I'm afraid you're borderline.

_Terry:_...That's bull!

_Rex:_ Shut up McGinnis!

_Kairo:_ Like I said, I don't know who these two idiots are.

_Rex:_ Shut up Kairo!

_Santa: (Makes another check mark.)_

_Terry:_ Hah! Now you got the bad mark!

_Rex:_ What the..! Kairo said…!

_Santa: (Sighs)_ Now I understand what Superman has to put up with.

_J'onn:_ At least their marks are better than Wally's.

_Matt:_ Am I on the good list?

_Santa:_ Yes, but barely.

_Matt:_ Barely?

_J'onn:_ Remember the time that you and your friends knocked Hal Jordon unconscious?

_Matt:_ It was an accident!

_Santa:_ And what about when you three attacked Orion with plastic lightsabers?

_Matt:_ It was his fault!

_Rex:_ Jeez Batman, he's almost as bad as you!

_Kairo:_ Clark will have a heart attack if he ever joins the League.

_Terry:_ Hey Matt, you want to be Robin?

_Matt:_ Really?

_J'onn:_ Shouldn't you consult Bruce?

_Kairo:_ Who? Terry? Consult Bruce?

_Kairo and Rex:_ Never!

_Santa:_ Oh dear.

_Terry:_ Think about it. We can have a McGinnis in the Justice League and a McGinnis in the Teen Titans!

_Kairo:_ Shall I forewarn the Council now?

_Santa:_ As interesting as this is, there still is the matter of your bad behavior.

_Everyone else besides J'onn_:……

_J'onn:_ However, there may be a solution that will put you on the 'Good List'.

_Rex:_ I've got a bad feeling about this.

_Terry:_ What do we have to do?

_Santa:_ You have to help me deliver presents.

………………………………………………………………………………..

**Location:** _The Watchtower_

_Diana:_ I suddenly have a bad feeling.

_Dr. Fate:_ As do I.

**To be continued:  
**


	31. Chapter 31

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 31**

_December 24, 2058_

Diana keeps calling me! She seems to think I'm up to something tonight. As if I would do anything on Christmas Eve, I do have some limits you know. I'm kind of insulted.

Besides, Linda would kill me if I pulled anything, so it's a lost cause anyway.

Except Diana won't believe me. This is really annoying. I think the next time she calls I'll have Linda "talk" to her.

Dammit, my cell phone's ringing again. Hold on, I'm going to give it to Linda.

Hah, take that Diana!

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

**Excerpt from Linda Park West's Phone Conversation with Diana:  
Date:** December 24, 2058

_Linda (irritated):_ Don't call again Diana.

_Diana:_ But I think Wally's…

_Linda:_ Wally is **NOT** up to anything tonight. He is right here, under **MY** watchful eye.

_Diana:_ Even so…

_Linda:_ Is Wally your husband?

_Diana:_…

_Linda:_ Bye Diana.

_Linda: (Ends the call.)_

_Diana:_….

_Diana:_ She would make a great Amazon.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_December 24, 2058_

I love my wife so much. Even Bruce and Diana are careful around her when she's in a bad mood. Too bad they never ended up together. They deserve each other.

We've had a good time tonight. The grandkids have been anxious to open their presents, so we let them open one present each. We'll open the rest tomorrow morning.

Barry and Linda played some Christmas songs on the piano after dinner. Yeah, I know, it's surprising that my son is actually good on the piano. He must get it from Linda. Iris could never sit still long enough to learn.

I've got to go, we're getting ready to watch a movie now. I'm not sure which one, but Iris and Barry picked it out, so it should be interesting. Last year they picked out The Nightmare Before Christmas, which didn't exactly please Linda, but the grandkids loved it.

By the way, I wonder how the Hunt for Santa is doing?

……………………………………………………………………………………………..

**Location:** Somewhere near Metropolis  
**Date:** December 24, 2058

_Rex:_ I can't believe we have to wear these stupid hats.

_Kairo:_….

_Terry:_ I wouldn't care if I wasn't already wearing my batsuit.

_Matt:_ Batman in a Santa hat is just plain wrong.

_Rex:_ Him? What about _us_?

_Matt:_ Batman's cool, you're not.

_Terry:_ Hah!

_Kairo:_…

_Rex:_ I'm ten times better than Terry.

_Terry:_ Hey Stewart, who's the one with the girlfriend?

_Kairo: (rubs forehead)_

_Kairo:_ Can we please stick to the issue here?

_Everyone else_:…

_Rex:_ Hey Matt, I'll give you a present if you say I'm better than Terry.

_Matt:_ Do I look stupid?

_Rex:_ Well you do look like Terry…

_Terry (brandishing a fist):_ You want some of this Stewart?

_Rex:_ Bring it on.

_Terry:_ He's my little brother, go find your own.

_Matt:_ Kick his butt Ter.

**Random fighting ensues:**

_Kairo:_…I suppose I'll have to take some drastic action.

_Everyone else:_ Aah! **KAIRO!**

_Kairo: (Holding the others up in a green ball.)_

_Matt:_ Let us down!

_Kairo:_ Not until you idiots behave. It's bad enough I'm stuck delivering presents with you three.

_Rex:_ This is your fault McGinnis.

_Terry:_ How is this _my_ fault?

_Rex:_ You should be wearing the old batsuit, it has yellow on it.

_Terry:_ If you carried a mace like your mom, we wouldn't be in this situation!

_Matt:_ Uh…can you let me out? I don't want to be caught in the middle when they start fighting again.

_Kairo_:…I have an idea. Why don't we split up the list? The two nitwits can deliver together and we'll take the other half.

_Matt:_ Bye Terry!

_Terry:_ Matt! You traitor!

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

**Excerpt from the Personal Journal of Bruce Wayne:  
****Date: **_December 24, 2058_

What the hell is Terry doing?

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

**Location:** Metropolis  
**Date:** December 24, 2058

_Terry:_ I hate you Stewart.

_Rex:_ I hate you too McGinnis.

_Terry:_ I'm going to kill my brother.

_Rex:_ I'm going to kill Kairo.

_Terry:_ Then we're agreed. After tonight, they both shall die.

_Rex:_ All right, let's get this over with. The sooner we're done the sooner I don't have to look at your ugly face.

_Terry:_ I think Dana might disagree with you there.

_Rex: (glare)_

_Terry: (**GLARE**)_

_Rex: (Reluctantly admits defeat as he pours over the List, while pretending not to have lost.)_

_Terry: (Gloats.)_

_Terry:_ So who's first?

_Rex:_ Alexandra Luthor. She's Lex's daughter.

_Terry:_ Let me guess…coal?

_Rex:_ Lot's of it.

_Terry:_ Can I TP her car?

_Rex:_ Well…the rules don't say that you _can't_…

_Terry:_ I think I'll spray paint it while I'm at it.

_Rex:_ You're such a delinquent.

_Terry:_ Fine, I guess that means you won't help me?

_Rex:_…Which colors?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Location:** Smallville, Kansas  
**Date:** December 24, 2058

_Matt:_ How're we going to sneak into Superman's house?

_Kairo:_ The chimney.

_Matt:_ I'm not going down the chimney!

_Kairo:_ Shh…he might hear you.

_Matt (stubbornly):_ I'm not going down the chimney.

_Kairo:_ Do you think I want to? It's in the rules. If there's a chimney, we unfortunately must go down it.

_Matt:_ Screw the rules.

_Kairo:_…I suppose we can claim that the chimney was out of commission.

_Matt:_ Who uses fireplaces anymore anyway? It's probably stuffed with rags or something.

_Kairo:_ Unless you're Clark Kent and slightly old fashioned.

_Matt:_ Slightly?

_Kairo:_…I wonder how we should do this?

_Matt:_ A window? The door would be too obvious.

_Kairo:_ Either he or the dog will hear us.

_Matt:_ The dog?

_Krypto:_ Woof!

**Random barking ensues.**

_Matt and Kairo: (Run off and hide.)_

_Matt:_ Stupid dog.

_Kairo:_ Shh…

_Clark:_ Who's there?

_Matt and Kairo_:….

_Clark:_…?

_Krypto:_ Woof.

_Clark: (Uses X-Ray vision.)_

_Clark: (Mysteriously doesn't find them.)_

_Clark:_ Must have been a deer.

_Clark: (Goes back inside.)_

_Matt:_ Why didn't he see us?

_Kairo:_ J'onn says that Santa uses magic. Maybe he put some kind of protection on us.

_Matt:_ Or maybe Superman's an idiot.

_Kairo:_…

_Matt:_ How're we going to get inside with that stupid dog?

_Kairo:_ There are some dog biscuits in this bag. We can bribe him.

_Matt:_ I've got a better idea. Let's just leave the presents in that barn over there.

_Kairo:_ They do use that barn a lot, perhaps that would work.

**A little later:**

_Matt:_ Whoa!

_Kairo:_ It appears as though Mr. West and Mr. Queen's upcoming prank is definitely taking its toll.

_Matt:_ He's got two walls covered in conspiracy theories!

_Krypto:_ Woof!

_Kairo:_ Let's just leave the presents and get out of here.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

**Meanwhile, in Metropolis:**

_Rex:_ Can you pass me the green?

_Terry:_ Which car should I vandalize next?

_Rex:_ We can't forget about the coal.

_Terry:_ Let's just put them inside Luthor's cars.

_Rex:_ Can you pick the locks?

_Terry:_ Of course I can. I'm Batman.

_Rex:_ You pick the locks, I'll get the coal.

**To be continued:**


	32. Chapter 32

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 32**

**Location:** Amanda Waller's House  
**Date:** December 24, 2058

_Rex:_…

_Terry:_ What's the matter?

_Rex:_ I can't believe we got stuck with Waller's house.

_Terry:_ So? What's the big deal?

_Rex:_ You don't know anything about her, do you?

_Terry:_ Er…

_Rex:_ She's kind of like a female Bruce, except different.

_Terry:_ How is she different?

_Rex:_ There're no words to describe her. She's just Waller, kind of like Bruce is Bruce.

_Terry:_…? That's a stupid explanation. That doesn't tell me anything!

_Rex:_ What's she get anyway? Coal?

_Terry:_ No. There should be two presents in the bag.

_Rex:_ Just don't screw up like you did at the last house.

_Terry:_ That was your fault, not mine!

_Rex:_ You gave them the wrong presents!

_Terry:_ I did not!

_Terry:_ Besides, I'm not the one who made some little kid cry.

_Rex:_…

_Rex:_ Little brat. He should have been asleep.

_Terry:_ Come on, let's just get this over with.

**A little later:**

_Terry:_ Geez, this lady's got some tough security.

_Rex:_ Don't say I didn't warn…

_Amanda Waller:_ Who's there?

_Terry and Rex:_ Uh oh…

_Amanda:_ Who the hell are…?

_Amanda:_…….

_Amanda: (Begins laughing.)_

_Rex:_ Dammit! I told you the hats were stupid!

_Terry:_ Oh, like it was my idea to wear them!

_Amanda: (Still laughing)_

_Terry:_ Look lady, this wasn't our idea!

_Rex:_ You didn't have to agree to it, you just wanted to be on Santa's Good List so you'd get a present.

_Terry:_ Hey! You could have walked away too!

_Amanda:_ Does Bruce know what you're doing, Mr. McGinnis?

_Terry:_ How do you know my name?

_Rex:_ She's Waller, she knows everything.

_Amanda:_ And what about your parents, Mr. Stewart?

_Rex:_…

_Terry:_ He drugged them.

_Rex:_ It was your idea! You drugged your mom too!

_Amanda (amused):_ You two did what?

_Rex and Terry:_ Uh…

_Terry:_ Here's your present, bye!

_Terry and Rex: (Leave rather quickly.)_

_Amanda:_…

_Amanda (smirking):_ Maybe I should call Bruce.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

**Excerpt from Amanda Waller's Telephone Conversation with Bruce Wayne:  
Date:** December 24, 2058

_Bruce:_…

_Amanda:_ Doesn't this make you proud to have him for a son?

_Bruce:_…Are you sure he's genetically my son Waller?

_Amanda:_ Haven't you checked yourself?

_Bruce:_ Unfortunately, yes.

_Amanda:_ Merry Christmas Bruce.

_Amanda: (Hangs up the phone.)_

_Bruce:_…Dammit Terry.

_Bruce:_ Hopefully Matthew doesn't turn out the same way.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………….

**Location:** Some random house somewhere in the Midwest  
**Date:** December 24, 2058

_Matt: (Stares)_

_Kairo: (Stares)_

_Random six year old child: (Stares back with wide eyes.)_

**The Classic Mexican Standoff:**

_Matt:_ Uh…

_Random six year old child_: Are you the Grinch?

_Random six year old child: (Points at Kairo)_

_Kairo:_ Who's the Grinch?

_Matt:_ He's his cousin. He's come to steal Christmas.

_Random six year child:_ Waah! _(Random crying ensues.)_

_Kairo:_ Matt! Now he won't shut up!

_Matt:_ Uh…just drop the presents and run before his parents wake up!

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

**Location** An unspecified location  
**Date:** December 24, 2058

_Santa:_ So, how do you think they are doing?

_J'onn:_ About like we expected.

_Santa:_ That bad?

_J'onn:_…Yes.

_Santa:_ By the way, did you know that Terry and Matt are his sons?

_J'onn:_ Yes, but Bruce doesn't know that. He read it in his thoughts while he was talking to Terry once.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

**Location:** Helena and Vic Szasz's House  
**Date:** December 24, 2058

_Kairo:_ We must be careful with this house.

_Matt:_ Why?

_Kairo:_ The Question lives here.

_Matt:_ Isn't he married to the Huntress?

_Kairo:_ Yes, that's why Santa gave this house a code yellow danger level.

_Matt:_ Does it say what presents they get?

_Kairo:_ Hmm…it says that Mr. Szasz gets a book entitled, Therapy for the Delusional Mind.

_Matt:_ What about…

_Vic:_ Aha! Who's there!

_(Springs random trap.)_

_Matt and Kairo:_ Ah!

_Helena:_ Vic, what's going on?

_Vic:_ I've just caught Santa. Now you'll see that it's not just a myth…

_Vic:_…?

_Helena (tiredly):_ It's just Matthew McGinnis and Kairo.

_Vic:_ Why are you two sneaking into our house?

_Matt:_ Santa made us.

_Helena (dryly):_ Santa, huh?

_Vic:_ I told you Helena, Santa's really a slavedriving pedophile who likes little chil…

_Helena:_ VIC!

_Kairo:_ Er…perhaps I should explain.

_Helena:_ Perhaps you should.

_Kairo:_ First of all, there really is a Santa Clause, and J'onn is helping him. Terry, Rex, and I tracked him to Z'onn Z'orr.

_Helena:_ Why did Matt go?

_Matt:_ I blackmailed Terry.

_Kairo:_ Then we found out that Terry and Rex were on Santa's bad list and that Matt just barely made it on the Good List. So we were told that if we helped deliver presents, we would all get be on his Good List.

_Helena:_ If this is true Kairo, then you're already on the Good List. Why are you helping them?

_Kairo:_….

_Kairo:_ I didn't have a choice, they made me.

_Vic:_ I told you Helena, Santa really exists. He…

_Helena:_ No Vic, no! No more conspiracy theories tonight!

_Vic: (Disappointed)_

_Matt:_ Uh…we'd better go.

_Helena:_ Wait, you guys want some milk and cookies first?

_Matt:_ Yeah!

_Kairo:_…But I don't like milk.

_Helena (commanding):_ Drink!

_Kairo (meekly):_ Yes Ma'am.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Location** Central City, Missouri  
**Date:** December 24, 2058

_Terry:_ Hey! We get Wally's house next!

_Rex:_ Man, look at all the coal he gets!

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

_December 24, 2058_

My spider senses are tingling.


	33. Chapter 33

_Sorry for the delayed update. I've been busier since classes started. I'm hoping to update this at least once a week and __Resurrecting the Red__ every other week. I may update sooner if I have time, but that's the schedule I've set for myself._

_I also put a link on my author page to an awesome JLU music video I found on youtube. You should check it out, it's probably the best fan video I've seen._

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 33**

**Location** Wally and Linda West's House  
**Date:** December 24, 2058

_Rex:_ You think they're asleep?

_Terry:_ Who cares? It's just Wally.

_Rex:_ Let me rephrase this…do you think Linda is asleep?

_Terry:_…We're faster than her.

_Rex:_ That won't stop her from telling my mom, who's already going to be pissed that I drugged her.

_Terry:_ Sucks to be you.

_Rex: (Smacks Terry across the head.)_

_Terry:_ OOOWWW!

_**(A brief brawl ensues on the roof of the West home.)**_

_Iris West: _What the hell are you two doing?

_Terry and Rex: (Freeze)_

_Rex: (Punches Terry again.)_

_Iris: (__**Glare**__.)_

_Iris:_ What's with the stupid Santa hats?

_Terry:_ Santa's making us deliver presents for him.

_Rex:_ He's not 'making' us. McGinnis just wants a present.

_Terry:_ So do you! You were on the bad list too!

_Iris:_…

_Iris:_ How much coal does my dad get?

_Terry:_ More than you.

_Iris:_ Oh..wait…WHAT? I get coal too! What does Jai get?

_Rex:_ Let's see…two books, a new coat…

_Iris:_ Hell no! I deserve a present too!

_Rex:_ It says here that you're on the bad list on account of putting flea powder in one of Diana's Wonder Woman costumes.

_Iris:_ She had it coming!

_Rex (irritated):_ And what about the time you tied me up when I was asleep and put women's makeup all over me…?

_Terry:_ And then took pictures and posted them all around the Watchtower.

_Iris:_ Don't forget the sparkly pink nail polish. It brought out bright pink of your lipstick.

_Rex:_ **AND YOU WONDER WHY YOU'RE GETTING COAL?**

_Iris:_ I don't know what you're talking about. That was genius.

_Terry:_ Yeah it was. He still smelled like perfume the next day.

_Rex: (Seething.)_

_Terry:_ Are your parents asleep?

_Rex: (Still seething.)_

_Iris:_ They were, but Rex probably woke them up. Jai's probably asleep though. He can sleep through anything.

_Rex (muttering): Too bad you can't._

_Iris (sweetly):_ What was that?

_Rex:_ Nothing.

_Iris:_ Let's go inside. I'm sure Dad will be happy with his present.

_Terry:_ Why? He's getting coal.

_Iris:_ You know my dad, he'll find something to do with it.

_Rex: (Suddenly alarmed.)_

…………………………………………………………………………………………………..

**Excerpt from Shayera Hol Stewart's Phone Conversation with Diana:  
Date:** December 24, 2058

_Diana:_ Rex drugged you?

_Shayera (still slightly woozy):_ John's still out of it.

_Diana:_ Why would he do that?

_Shayera:_ I don't know, but somehow I have feeling that Terry's involved.

_Diana (dryly):_ Yes, if all else fails, it must be Terry's fault.

_Shayera:_ Remember when we used to say that about Wally?

_Diana:_ We still do.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………..

**Location** Guy Gardner's House  
**Date:** December 24, 2058

_Matt: (Bleary eyed)_

_Kai-ro: (Yawns)_

_Matt:_ This sucks. I want to go home.

_Kai-ro:_ We can't. We're not done with the list yet.

_Matt:_ So who's this old guy anyway?

_Kai-ro:_ He was once a Green Lantern.

_Matt:_ Really? Which one?

_Kai-ro:_…

_Kai-ro:_ The one with the bad haircut.

_Matt:_ Oh, him? I've seen pictures of him.

_Kai-ro:_ Let's get going.

**A little later:**

_Matt:_ This guy's got a Starbucks fetish, doesn't he?

_Kai-ro:_ Fetish? How is it a fetish?

_Matt:_ Come on, he's got…

_Kai-ro:_ SHH!

_Matt:_ What?

_Kai-ro: (Silently points to the sleeping form of Guy Gardner on the couch.)_

_Matt:_…

_Kai-ro_:…

_Guy:_ **ZZZZZzzzzzzz…**

_Kai-ro (whispers):_ Let's leave.

_Matt: (Trips over a present.)_

_Matt:_ **OOWWWW!**

_Guy:_ **ZZz**..huh…Who's there?

_Matt:_ We come in peace!

_A very confused Guy_:…?

_Kai-ro:_ Er…I'm the new Green Lantern. Santa asked us to deliver presents.

_Matt:_ So here's yours, bye!

_Matt and Kai-ro: (Beat a hasty exit.)_

_A very confused Guy:_…

_A very confused Guy:_…

_A very confused Guy:_ What the hell just happened?

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

**Location** Wally and Linda West's House  
**Date:** December 24, 2058

_Wally:_ **HAHAHAHAAAA…**

_Iris:_ I told you he'd like it.

_Wally:_ This is awesome!

_Linda: (Sighs)_

_Jai:_ Only you would like getting coal, Dad.

_Wally:_ Are you kidding me? Between me and Iris, we have enough to torch the Watchtower!

_Linda: (Sighs)_

_Terry:_ Can you imagine the look on Clark's face if he saw all of this?

_Rex:_ He'd go ballistic.

_Wally:_ Yeah, he would…

_Wally:_…

_Everyone else:_ Uh oh.

_Wally:_ I have a great idea!

_Linda and Jai: (Double Sigh)_

_Wally:_ How much does Ollie get?

_Rex:_ Uh…almost as much as you.

_Iris:_ Almost?

_Wally:_ Seriously?

_Linda: (Sighs)_

_Terry:_ You could do so much damage with that.

_Jai:_ _Dad_, you better not…

_Wally:_ We're not going to destroy anything.

_Iris:_ Well, not anything physical…

_Wally:_ Maybe Clark's sanity…

_Jai:_ I'm not listening to this. If Clark asks, I know nothing.

_Rex:_ Plausible deniability is a wonderful concept, isn't it West?

_Jai:_ So Stewart, what brand of perfume do you wear again?

_Iris:_ It was from Victoria's Secret.

_Rex:_ Shut up West!

_Terry:_ Which one?

_Rex: _Both of them!

_Wally (warning):_ Boys… _(For once being the authorative father figure)_

_Linda: (Sighs)_

_Iris:_ It's okay Mom, I'll make sure they stay out of trouble.

_Linda:_ _(__**SIGHS**__)_

……………………………………………………………………………………….

**Location** Somewhere in Mexico…  
**Date:** December 24, 2058

_Random child:_ Hola!

_Matt and Kai-ro_:…

_Matt:_ Uh…

_Kai-ro:_ Do you speak Spanish?

_Random child:_ Como se llama usted?

_Matt and Kai-ro_:…

_Kai-ro (Glaring at Matt):_ I thought Spanish was required in public schools now.

_Matt:_ I sleep in that class.

_Kai-ro (Sighs):_ I suppose I shall have to resort to a method that I rarely use.

_Matt:_ What's that?

_Kai-ro: (Smacks Matt across the head.)_

_Matt:_ **OOWW!** What was that for!

_Kai-ro:_ Your brother wasn't here to do it, so I filled in for him.

_Matt:_ Like Terry knows Spanish! The only Spanish he knows is slang and gang speak!

_Kai-ro:_ I forget that your brother spent time in Juvenile hall.

_Matt:_ How can you forget? He still acts like a delinquent.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Location** Wally and Linda West's House  
**Date:** December 24, 2058

_Terry:_ So with all this coal, it's theoretically possible…

_Wally:_ Wait wait…we have to talk to Ollie first. He's going to love this.

_Iris:_ Can Kryptonians have heart attacks?

_Terry:_ We'll find out.

_Jai:_ I'm not involved.

_Rex:_ Neither am I.

_Linda:_ You four are such delinquents.

_Jai:_ You should form a club.

_Wally:_ You know what? That's actually a good idea!

_Linda:_ You already have a club for delinquents. It's called the Green Arrow Society.

_The Delinquents:_ Oh yeah.

_Jai::_ So when do you guys go to Ollie's house?

_Rex:_ Well, we're supposed to have twenty houses before we go there…

_Terry:_ But we can skip them.

_Linda: (__**GLARES**__)_

_Terry:_ Or not.

_Jai:_ So who gets Bruce's house?

_Terry and Rex_:…

_Rex:_ We do.

_Terry:_ But we're going to make the other two help.

_Iris:_ I want to come!

_Wally:_ So do I!

_Rex:_ Sure, why not? There's safety in numbers.

_Terry:_ Not from Bruce.


	34. Chapter 34

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 34**

_December 25, 2058 (1:08 am.)_

I hate waiting. The kids said that they had twenty houses before they hit Ollie's and that was about 45 minutes ago. Linda doesn't want to come and Jai claims that someone has to watch the kids, even though most of them are asleep.

I guess it's just me and Iris…what the…

Why is Jai tied up with Christmas Garland? And is that a gag around his mouth?

Iris!

……………………………………………………..

**Location** Wally and Linda West's House  
**Date:** December 25, 2058

_Wally:_ Iris!

_Jai_ _(irate)_: Mmmfff…!

_Iris:_ What?

_Wally:_ Did you tie your brother up?

_Jai:_ _(__**GLARES**__) (__Translation__: As if I did this myself!)_

_Iris:_ It's the only way I can make him come with us.

_Jai (after untying himself):_ I don't want to come with you!

_Iris:_ Fine, then I'll tell Rex that you were too chicken to.

_Jai:_ As if I care what Stewart thinks. He can't even get a girlfriend.

_Wally:_ Come on Jai, we need a responsible adult to come along.

_Iris:_ Yeah, do Dad and I look responsible to you?

_Jai: (incoherent muttering)_

_Wally:_ Hey, it's the phone!

_Iris:_ Terry!

_Jai:_ I'm not going!

_Linda (sighs):_ Why can't we ever have a quiet Christmas?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Location** The roof of Oliver and Dinah Queen's House  
**Date:** December 25, 2058

_Terry:_ What took you guys so long?

_Jai: (Grumbling.)_

_Iris:_ Jai tried to run away instead of coming with us.

_Wally:_ We tackled him somewhere in Russia.

_Jai: (incoherent muttering)_

_Rex:_ He looks a little pissed.

_Jai:_ For the record, I could be in bed by now.

_Wally:_ Come on, its Ollie's house. It'll be fun.

_Jai:_ Fun is not running around the world at nearly 2:00 on Christmas morning!

_Rex: (In silent agreement but won't admit it.)_

_Terry:_ Maybe we'd better go ahead and do this before they hear us.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_Date:_ December 25, 2058

**Oliver Queen's version**

I knew something was off when I heard footsteps on the roof. Dinah was fast asleep next to me as I slipped out of bed to check the house. The grandkids were already asleep, but our kids were both up…well…Elissa was still up. Ethan, my beloved son, can sleep through almost anything.

Anyway, I was waiting with my trusty bow and arrows for the intruders to make a move. That's when I nailed the first two in the chests as they tried to break in.

Turns out it was Rex and Terry.

………………………………………………………………………………..

_Date:_ December 25, 2058

**Wally West's version**

Can you believe Ollie slept through it? Dinah was waiting for us in the living room with their daughter, Elissa. She managed to blast Rex and Terry with her Canary Call before she realized it was us.

I zipped into their bedroom to wake up Ollie, who was asleep the whole time. He practically levitated three feet into the air after I woke him up. Then he threw some pillows at me.

We couldn't wake Ethan up though. He's still snoring from his bedroom.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

**Location** Oliver and Dinah Queen's House  
**Date:** December 25, 2058

_Wally: (Laughing)_

_Ollie:_ It's not funny! I was awake, I swear I was!

_Wally:_ You didn't look awake to me.

_Ollie:_ I was pretending!

_Dinah:_ Okay dear, you were just _pretending_.

_Ollie:_ I was.

_Elissa__ Queen:_ Sure you were Dad.

_Ollie:_ I was!

_Iris:_ Anyway, Terry and Rex have your presents.

_Rex:_ Dinah gets some jewelry.

_Ollie:_ What do I get?

_Terry:_ Coal.

_Ollie:_…Really?

_Dinah:_ Don't tell me you're actually happy about that.

_Wally:_ I got more than you.

_Ollie:_ Whaaaat? That's not fair!

_Wally: (Laughing.)_

_Ollie:_ How does he get more coal than me?

_Jai:_ He did more bad things.

_Ollie:_ Oh yeah, well I'm going to get more coal next year, you hear that Wally?

_Wally:_ Yeah right, _I'm_ getting more.

_Dinah:_ Great, now we have a contest to see who can get more coal.

_Jai:_ Dad thinks they should use their coal to scare the Council.

_Ollie:_ Really? That's a great idea!

_Wally:_ Let me…

_Rex:_ Uh…we got to get going. We still have some more houses.

_Terry:_ Yeah, we still have to hit Bruce's.

_Rex:_ I wonder how Matt and Kai-ro are doing?

…………………………………………

**Location** Z'onn Z'orr  
**Date:** December 25, 2058

_Matt:_ What's taking them so long? We finished half an hour ago!

_Kai-ro:_ ZZZzzzzzz

……………………………………………………

**Next stop: Bruce Wayne's House**

**Editing note****: I originally had Ollie's daughter's name as Emily. However, I realized that earlier in this story that he already had a granddaughter with that name. Because of that, I changed her name to Elissa.**


	35. Chapter 35

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 35**

_Excerpt from Diana's Phone Call to Shayera Hol Stewart:_**  
Date:** December 25, 2058

_Diana: _Is it just me or has it been a little too quiet tonight?

_Shayera (dryly): _You mean besides my son drugging John and I and running off with Kai-ro and Terry McGinnis?

_Diana: _That's what I meant. It's too quiet.

_Shayera: _It's probably just the calm before the storm.

…………………………………………………………………

**Location** Four miles from Bruce Wayne's House  
**Date:** December 25, 2058

_Rex:_ So…how are we going to do this?

_Kai-ro (irritated):_ Why am I here again?

_Rex:_ Because McGinnis and I refuse to do this ourselves.

_Wally:_ Hey!

_Iris:_ We're here too!

_Jai: (grumbling)_

_Wally:_ So what's the plan?

_Terry:_ Uh…

_Iris:_ You don't have a plan?

_Terry:_ Well…

_Rex:_ McGinnis? Plan?

_Matt:_ Terry's too good for plans.

_Terry:_ I can plan! I make plans all the time!

_Kai-ro:_ You mean like when you stormed your way into Vandal Savage's castle?

_Terry:_ It was aggressive negotiations.

_Kai-ro:_ You were captured.

_Terry:_ I meant to be from the start.

_Rex:_ Sure…

_Jai:_ How'd he get out?

_Rex:_ He mouthed off to Savage, got his butt kicked, got rescued by Diana and Mom, and then blew up his castle.

_Wally:_ I don't think blowing up the mansion will work.

_Iris and Jai:_ Dad!

_Terry:_ Wait…I have an idea.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

_Excerpt from the Personal Journal of Bruce Wayne:  
_**Date:** December 25, 2058

Terry thinks I have no idea what he's doing. Amanda Waller already told me about her 'visit.' I've also been in contact with Shayera.

Curiously, however, I can not get into contact with J'onn. He keeps ignoring my calls. This leads me to believe that Rex and Terry (and sadly, Vic Sage) may have been closer to the truth all along. I hate it when the Question is right, even if not entirely.

Still, that leaves me with the problem at hand. I have a feeling they will b

I want Diana. She wants me. Wally West is a god. Terry is…hey…what's with the Grey Ghost collection? Bruce watches that? Are you serious????

…………………………………………………

**Location:** The Batcave  
**Date:** December 25, 2058

_Bruce:_ WALLY! Get off my computer!

_Wally:_ Hey! You also have all the Zorro episodes on here too!

_Bruce (warning):_ West…

_Wally:_ What else do you have on here?

_Wally: (rapid clicking)_

_Bruce:_ You have two seconds to get off my computer.

_Wally:_ Like you can catch me.

_Bruce (evil smirk):_ I won't have to. I'll complain to Linda.

_Wally: (stops typing)_

_Bruce:_ I can read you like a book, West.

_Wally:_ Uh huh, then what are my minions doing upstairs?

_Bruce:_ What?

_Wally:_ Bye Bruce!

_(Zooms upstairs)_

_Bruce: (Follows, plotting his revenge.)_

……………………………………………………………………

_(The following is written in the normal narrative style because I couldn't make it work any other way.)_

Angry, Bruce Wayne stormed (well, not quite) up the stairs and into the house. Ace barked once and ran into the living room, followed by a wary Bruce Wayne. He froze at the door.

A large Christmas tree stood in the middle of his living room, its lights twinkling in the darkened room. Garland was strung around the room and stockings hung on the mantle. Christmas music was playing softly in the background.

Jai West and Kai-ro were asleep under the Christmas tree.

Bruce turned to stare at Wally, who was grinning next to Terry. Iris West, Rex Stewart, and Matthew McGinnis sat watching from the couch.

"West…" Bruce started. He froze as the younger man zipped over to him and gave him an unexpected hug.

"Merry Christmas Bruce," Wally grinned. "What…did you seriously think I'd pull a prank on _Christmas_? I'd be worse than Humanite if I did."

Bruce allowed his features to soften slightly as he muttered a thanks to the aging Scarlett Speedster. Wally merely smiled before zipping over to the tree to pick up his son.

"Hey Bruce, Linda and I want you to come to our New Year's Dinner," Wally said. He and Iris picked up the still snoring Jai and draped him over his sister's shoulder. Wally smiled as Bruce attempted to hide the growing emotion in his eyes.

"Very well…I'll be there Wally," Bruce promised. The Scarlett Speedster tossed him a salute and raced off with his children. The aging billionaire turned to his young apprentice and raised an eyebrow.

"Long story," Terry said. He shoved a small present at his teacher. Bruce slowly took the gift and opened it.

"I wasn't sure what to get you," Terry continued hesitantly. "I got the idea from Clark."

"I see that you also got the photo from Clark." Bruce stared down at the photograph in his hands. It was one that the Boyscout had taken of he and Terry a few months ago. Terry had placed it in a sleek, black picture frame.

"We're kinda like family now," Terry admitted, a little uncomfortable expressing it.

Bruce stared silently down at Terry's gift. After a long moment, he stared around at the decorated room and its shining Christmas lights.

"Terry…"

Terry looked at him, waiting for a response.

"Thank you."

Terry grinned and turned around to collect his brother, who had also fallen asleep. Rex Stewart was now carrying a sleeping Kai-ro. The half-Thanagarian nodded respectfully at him.

"Merry Christmas, Mr. Wayne."

"You too, Rex."

The two younger men turned to go with their sleeping cargo. Bruce gave them a considering look before adding some parting words.

"McGinnis, Stewart….take off those stupid hats."

"But Santa and J'onn made us wear them!"

"I don't care…take them off."

Bruce watched as the younger men retreated sheepishly, discarding their Santa hats in the living room. After he was certain they had left, he carefully placed Terry's present on the mantle and sat on the couch.

He watched the Christmas tree lights for a long time.

……………………………………………………………………..

**Location:** The West home  
**Date:** December 25, 2058

_Linda:_ It's about time. You and Ollie didn't do anything bad, did you?

_Wally:_ We'll do that tomorrow.

_Linda:_ Then what…?

_Wally:_ We took Bruce some Christmas cheer.

…………………………………………………………….

_Author's note__: Probably not what you were expecting, but I think it'd be more in character for Wally to do something nice for Bruce on Christmas than to pull a prank. I just recently rewatched the Christmas episode with Wally and the Humanite (and that stupid toy Duck), so I got some inspiration from it._

_As for Vandal Savage, I know it's implied that he was killed in that episode that Superman went a few thousand years into Earth's future, but I'm not sure if he was or not, seeing that he's immortal. I just liked the idea of Terry mouthing off to Savage._


	36. Chapter 36

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 36**

**The Metropolitan Daily Planet  
**_December 25, 2058_

LexCorps appears to have been the victim of a Christmas Eve prank. Nine cars belonging to Company President, Alexandra Luthor were vandalized last night. They were spray painted green and red. The perpetrators also broke into the cars and stuffed them full of coal.

The Metropolitan police are currently investigating this incident. Any information that anyone may have on this incident is to be reported immediately.

………………………………………………………..

**Location:** The Justice League Watchtower  
**Date:** December 26, 2058

_Diana:_ I wonder who vandalized LexCorps?

_J'onn (mysteriously):_ Who indeed?

_J'onn: (Looks silently at Terry McGinnis and Rex Stewart.)_

_Rex: (Looks in the other direction.)_

_Terry: (The picture of angelic innocence.)_

_Diana: _J'onn…are you trying to imply something?

…………………………………………………………………….

**From:** Dick Grayson  
**To:** Roy Harper  
**Date:** December 26, 2058  
**Subject:** The LexCorps artists

Hey Roy,

It was Terry and Rex who creatively expressed themselves at LexCorps. The Council is trying to decide whether or not they'll punish them. Surprisingly, Clark is sticking up for them. He won't come right out and say it, but he thinks it's funny. Come to think of it, no one in the Council seems too angry about it, although they have to pretend otherwise since defacing private property is illegal.

I guess J'onn really is working for Santa. Who would have guessed that the Question was right when he said that Santa really does exist.

By the way, have you figured out yet what Ollie and Wally are planning for New Year's? They won't tell me.

Dick

………………………………………………………………………….

**Location:** The Justice League Watchtower  
**Date:** December 26, 2058

_Shayera:_ Bruce!

_Bruce:_ I'm not the one who did it. Go blame Terry.

_Shayera:_ He's your student! He's corrupting Rex!

_Bruce:_ May I remind you that Rex is a lot older than Terry?

_Diana:_ Rex is a grown man, Shayera. He can think for himself.

_Clark: (Trying to stay out of the conversation.)_

_Shayera:_ Rex is like John, Diana. He likes discipline, not breaking laws.

_Bruce:_ So it's Terry's fault that Rex went along with it?

_Clark: (Struggling to stay out of the conversation.)_

_Diana:_ Still, they did a good job, didn't they? They did a nice paint job on the cars.

_Shayera:_ Diana!

_Clark: (Can't take it anymore.)_

_Clark:_ Come on! It was flippin' _Luthor_! Who cares?

_Everyone: (Stares at Clark.)_

_Bruce:_ He has a point.

_Diana:_ Don't tell me you're really mad about this, Shayera.

_Shayera (grins)_:…They did do a good job, didn't they?

_Clark:_ Good paint job, nice picked locks, coal…and no evidence they did it.

_Bruce:_….

_Shayera:_ Let's blame it on J'onn and Santa. They're the ones who told the boys to give Luthor coal.

_Clark:_ It's their fault for failing to state how.

_Diana:_ They didn't say that they _couldn't_ use spray paint.

_Bruce:_ So in other words, we're rationalizing why we don't want to punish Terry and Rex, correct?

_Diana:_ Of course.

……………………………………………………………………………..

_December 27, 2058_

Wow, I can't believe it! Terry and Rex didn't get punished! (Oh, and it's interesting how quickly that gossip flies on the Watchtower. Everyone knew about it an hour after they confessed.)

Roy and Dick keep calling me. They're trying to make me fess up about **Operation Nothing**. Hah! As if I'd tell!

Ollie and I had a council of war yesterday. We were going to act yesterday, but we delayed until today. We figured we'd give the Council a day since they so generously let Terry and Rex off the hook.

I still can't believe Terry got Rex to help him though. He's usually a discipline freak like John. It must be Shayera's blood in him.

Anyway, Ollie and I finally figured out what to do with the coal.

………………………………………………………………………………………..

**The Justice League Daily Service Announcement  
Date: **_December 27, 2058_

Fellow Leaguers,

We are requesting any information that anyone might have concerning large amounts of coal that have been spotted around the Watchtower. A particularly large amount was found this afternoon in the Council Room.

Have a nice day.

……………………………………………..

**Date:** December 27, 2058  
**What:** _Random note found in the Justice League mess hall_

Fellow Leaguers:

Beware of New Year's Eve. The Might of God shall smite all the evildoers!

A lump of coal shall be the sign of the impending Apocalypse.

Repent! Repent! The Day of Judgement is at hand!

All sinners will burn in the fiery chasm into which they will be cast!

_**Countdown to New Year's Eve:** Four days_

_(This inspirational message brought to you by recovering members of Santa's Bad List.)_


	37. Chapter 37

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 37**

**The Justice League Daily Service Announcement  
Date: **_December 28, 2058_

Fellow Comrades,

The Day of Judgement is drawing near. We, the proletariat shall overthrow the evil bourgeoisie. The evil right wing dictators shall experience the unspeakable.

**Countdown to New Year's Eve:** Three days

Have a nice day.

……………………………………………….

**The Real Justice League Daily Service Announcement  
****Date: **_December 28, 2058_

Fellow Leaguers,

The previous announcement was the false propaganda of Communist sympathizers. Whoever can bring these collaborators to justice will be given an extra day of leave at any time of their choosing.

Have a nice day.

………………………………………………………………..

**The Green Arrow Society Daily Announcement  
****Date: **_December 28, 2058_

Fellow Leaguers and Comrades,

The GAS has granted diplomatic immunity to the so called Communist sympathizers. Any action taken by the Council shall be met with a holy jihad.

Have a nice day.

……………………………………………………..

**Location:** Oliver and Dinah Queen's house  
**Date:** December 28, 2058

_Wally:_ Holy jihad?

_Ollie:_ It sounded good at the time.

_Wally:_ Diplomatic immunity?

_Ollie:_ Why not?

_Dinah:_ Ollie, Diana's on the phone.

_Ollie:_ I'm not home!

_(Wally's cell phone rings.)_

_Wally:_ Damn it, it's Shayera.

_Dinah:_ What did you two do?

_Wally:_ Ask Ollie. He's the one that threatened a holy jihad.

_Dinah:_ Yeah, well, Clark is at the door.

_Ollie and Wally:_ …

……………………………………………………….

_December 28, 2058_

I can't believe Clark actually hunted us down. Doesn't he have anything better to do, like go leap a tall building or something?

Naturally, Ollie and I played the innocent. For some reason, Clark didn't buy it. He also confiscated the remaining coal we had hidden in Ollie's basement.

Roy and Dick are still bugging me. They want to know what the prank is. Impatient bastards. They can wait a few more days.

Hmm, I just thought of something. And Clark has Bruce to thank for it because I got the idea from Terry.

……………………………………………………………..

**From:** Clark Kent  
**To:** Bruce Wayne  
**Date:** December 29, 2058  
**Subject:** Wally

I'm going to kill Wally. He came in some time today and stole all of my work in the barn. Then he spray painted "Two more days" in green and red paint on the walls.

Clark

…………………………………………………………………………….

**From:** Bruce Wayne  
**To:** Clark Kent  
**Date:** December 29, 2058  
**Subject:** Wally

Are you talking about your conspiracy walls?

Since Terry seems to somehow be involved in this, I'll send him over sometime to repaint your barn.

Bruce

………………………………………….

**Excerpt from Terry McGinnis's telephone conversation with Wally West:  
**_December 29, 2058_

_Terry:_ Because of you I have to repaint Clark's barn.

_Wally:_ Sorry. I'll send one of my grandkids over to help you.

_Terry:_ Yeah, well it still bites.

_Wally:_ Geez, I said I was sorry.

_Terry: (brooding)_

_Wally:_ It could be worse.

_Terry:_ How?

_Wally:_ Well…I remember one time that Amanda Waller made Ollie's kids mow her yard and repaint her house.

_Terry:_ She did?

_Wally:_ Yeah, they had decided to TP her house for April Fool's Day.

_Terry:_ Remind me not to piss her off. By the way, what'd you do with Clark's conspiracy wall?

_Wally:_ I posted it up at the Watchtower.

…………………………………….

**Location:** The Watchtower  
**Specific Location:** Clark's Conspiracy Wall  
**Date:** December 30, 2058

_Vic Sage:_ ?

_Helena:_ Q! Just walk away!

_Vic:_ But Helena, this says…!

_Helena: (Dragging Vic away.)_

…………………………………………….

**From:** Dick Grayson  
**To:** Donna Troy  
**Date:** December 30, 2058  
**Subject:** got an idea

Hey Donna,

Roy and I have a new idea for a prank. It's called the prank jar.

In one jar, we're going to put a list of names. In the second jar, we're going to put a list of random items that have to be included in on the prank.

You want to help?

Dick


	38. Chapter 38

**Important Notice-Please Read: **_I will be continuing this story after the New Year's prank. However, since this story already has 30+ chapters, I'm going to continue it in **This Ain't the Golden Years II.**_

_What to expect in the sequel: Roy, Dick, and Donna on a prank rampage, a revenge seeking J'onn, the return of the VVN Corps, as well as a previously unused pantheon of characters and other surprises._

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 38**

**Location:** Bruce Wayne's house  
**Date:** December 30, 2058

_Clark:_ It's New Year's Eve tomorrow.

_Bruce:_ So it is.

_Clark:_ You're not worried?

_Bruce:_ I'm starting to have my doubts about this prank.

_Clark:_ How can you say that? You know them! It's Wally and Ollie!

_Bruce:_ Even if they do pull something, I think you're getting too worked up over this.

_Clark:_ I know they're going to pull something. Vic and I have been comparing notes…

_Bruce:_ Wait. _You've_ been comparing notes to the _Question_?

_Clark:_…Yeah.

_Bruce (sighs):_ Kent…

_Clark:_ Hey! I'm not the only one who's worried. You should see John.

_Bruce:_ ?

………………………………………………………………….

**Excerpt from John Stewart's Telephone Conversation with Wally West  
****Date:** December 30, 2058

_John:_ This is the last straw Wally.

_Wally:_ What? I haven't done anything!

_John:_ What'd you mean you 'haven't done anything?' You've been 'doing things' ever since I met you!

_Wally:_ Hey! I'm not the only one! Why don't you go yell at Ollie and Terry too? And don't forget Roy, Dick, and Donna!

_John:_ Wally…

_Wally:_ And notice that it's called the _Green Arrow_ Society, not the _Flash_ Society.

_John:_ It's that…

_Wally:_ _Whose_ son was it that spray painted cars on Christmas Eve? It wasn't mine!

_John:_ Wally! Shut up! I'm trying to talk! Anyway, Terry talked him into it!

_Wally:_ Two more days John, two more days.

_(Click)_

_John:_ Wally? Wally! Damn it, he hung up on me!

………………………………………….

**From:** Helena Szasz  
**To:** Dinah Queen  
**Date:** December 30, 2058  
**Subject:** Vic and Clark

I hope Ollie's happy, Vic's going insane. Clark actually came over here last night so they could compare notes. I gave up trying to stop them and just went to bed.

What are they _really _up to? I know there was that coal scare, but they didn't get the coal until after Christmas. That couldn't have been part of the original plan.

Helena

………………………………………………………………………….

**From:** Dinah Queen  
**To:** Helena Szasz  
**Date:** December 30, 2058  
**Subject:** RE: Vic and Clark

Like I'm going to tell you. You can wait for the surprise just like everyone else.

Are you serious? Clark and Vic were actually working together on this? Is it just me or has Supes been a little too wound up lately? Maybe we should send him on a vacation or something.

Dinah

_From: Helena Szasz  
To: Dinah Queen  
Date: December 30, 2058  
Subject: Vic and Clark_

_I hope Ollie's happy, Vic's going insane. Clark actually came over here last night so they could compare notes. I gave up trying to stop them and just went to bed._

_What are they really up to? I know there was that coal scare, but they didn't get the coal until after Christmas. That couldn't have been part of the original plan._

_Helena_

……………………………………………………………………………………

**Location:** Roy Harper's House  
**Date:** December 31, 2058  
**Time:** 9:30 am

_Roy:_ The countdown begins. I wonder what they're doing anyway?

_Dick:_ Wally wouldn't tell me.

_Roy:_ Neither would Ollie. You try Terry at all?

_Dick:_ He's not answering his cell phone today.

_Roy:_ Hey, Donna's finally here.

_Donna:_ Hey Guys.

_Dick:_ All right, let's do this.

_Donna:_ Where'd you get the idea for a prank jar anyway?

_Roy:_ My wife made a job jar for me.

_Dick: (laughing)_

_Roy:_ Shut up Grayson!

_Donna (warning):_ Boys…

_Dick:_ Fine. Donna, would you do the honors?

_Donna:_ Which one is this?

_Roy:_ It's the jar with the names.

_Donna: (pulls out a name)_

_Donna:_…

_Dick:_ Who is it?

_Donna:_ Holy hell.

_Roy:_ Who?

_Donna:_ Orion.

_Dick:_ What? Who put his name in there?!

_Roy:_ Orion? As in Darkseid's son Orion?

_Donna:_ Yeah.

_Everyone:_…

_Dick:_ This is going to be great!

_Roy:_ Hurry up Donna, do the other jar.

_Donna:_ It's…a bra?

_Dick:_ Okay Titans, we have a mission. We must prank Orion and it must involve a bra.

_Roy:_ Good God. We're going to die.

………………………………………………

Orion, son of Darkseid paused in his daily workout. A cold shiver ran up his spine…a feeling of dread and impending darkness.

"Orion?" Wonder Woman asked. "Is everything okay?"

"Something evil is about to happen," Orion growled. "Perhaps it is tonight's coming prank."

Diana looked alarmed.

………………………………………………………..

**Location:** The Watchtower  
**Date:** December 31, 2058  
**Time:** 11:24 am

_Clark:_ That's it. We need someone to spy on Wally and Ollie.

_Diana:_ Orion volunteered.

_Clark:_ Uh…maybe someone less noticeable.

_Shayera:_ What about Dr. Fate?

_Clark:_ Said he was too busy.

_Diana:_ Amazo?

_Clark:_ Said he had better things to do.

_Shayera:_ Kai-ro?

…………………………….

**Location:** Flying somewhere between Central City and Keystone City  
**Date:** December 31, 2058  
**Time:** 11:41 am

_Kai-ro:_ How did I get stuck doing this?

………………………..

**Countdown to New Year's Eve:** Twelve hours and nineteen minutes


	39. Chapter 39

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 39**

**Excerpt from Terry McGinnis's Conversation with Iris West**  
**Location:** Starbucks, Central City  
**Date:** December 31, 2058  
**Time:** _12:37 pm_

_Iris:_ Took you long enough to get here.

_Terry:_ Curare' was trying to kill some actress.

_Iris:_ Anyway, what'd you want to talk about?

_Terry:_ I couldn't get a hold of your dad. I was going to warn them that the Council is trying to spy on them today.

_Iris:_ Really? That's awesome!

_Terry:_ I figured we could help them out, you know…to add to the confusion and all.

_Iris:_ Hmm…

_Terry:_ Any ideas?

_Iris:_ Oh yeah.

…………………………………………………..

_December 31, 2058_

Hahaha! That's my girl!

Iris filled several empty storage rooms with mothballs, just to really stink the place up. Then she and Terry ransacked several Leaguers' rooms and stole their underwear and other embarrassing objects that they've left around the Watchtower and the Metrotower.

Let's see, they put some of Diana's underwear in the control room, Kara's teddy bears in the mess hall and some of Rex's Old Yeller memorabilia in the Javelin bay.

Like Father, like Son. They both pretend not to cry while watching Old Yeller.

Oh yeah, and Barda wasn't too happy to find some of her smut books and Mr. Miracle love letters in the Metrotower library.

And just to make sure that no one would suspect them, Iris and Terry did their own stuff too. Terry threw some of his boxers into one of the Javelins.

Wait, the phone's ringing.

Dammit! Shayera just called and she's blaming it all on me!

…………………………………………………………..

**Location:** The Metrotower  
**Date:** December 31, 2058  
**Time:** _2:13 pm_

_Shayera:_ Wally claims that he has nothing to do with the thefts.

_Clark:_ Who then? Terry?

_J'onn:_ Possibly, but he must have had help. He couldn't have done all of it on his own in such a short time.

_Shayera: _Are you sure? Someone threw his underwear into one of the Javelins. He's pretty pissed about it.

_Diana and Big Barda: (Come storming in.)_

_Diana:_ I'M GOING TO KILL THEM!

_Big Barda:_ SOMEONE'S GOING TO DIE!

_Mr. Miracle:_ Umm…Honey? I think you're getting a little too worked up about…

_Big Barda: (GLARE OF DEATH)_

_Mr. Miracle:_ Yes Dear.

_Clark: (sniffs)_

_Shayera:_ What?

_Clark:_ Does anyone smell that?

…………………………………………………..

**The Justice League Daily Service Announcement  
Date: **_December 31, 2058_

Fellow Leaguers,

We would like to know who placed mothballs in several storage rooms on the Watchtower.

Also, whoever is responsible for stealing personal items and placing them around the Watchtower and Metrotower will face a suspension from League activities.

Have a nice day.

………………………………………

**Location**: Gotham City Park  
**Date:** December 31, 2058  
**Time:** 3:28 pm

_Batman: (Glare)_

_Flash:_ It's not my fault.

_Batman:_ It was _your_ idea.

_Flash:_ You went along with it!

_Batman:_ Yeah, well…

_Flash:_ Hey, try not to worry. We both have alibis. You were at home sleeping and I was grocery shopping for my mom.

_Batman:_ Who's going to buy that?

_Flash:_ Shh…they've probably sent someone to spy on us too. Just act normal, like nothing happened.

…………………………………………………………

_December 31, 2058_

Time: 5:23 pm

_(Wally deleted his last entry in case a certain former Bat hacked into his computer and discovered Iris and Terry's activities.)_

I've got to hand it to Virgil and Richie. Richie hacked into the League's intercom system. Now once every hour the computer announces the countdown to New Year's Eve.

And just to give it that special touch, Richie decided to make the computer sound like Ollie.

I hear that part of the Watchtower smells like mothballs now. I wonder who could have done such a terrible thing? _(Wally, of course, knows full well who did it.)_

……………………………………………………………

**Location:** Dick Grayson's House  
**Date:** December 31, 2058  
**Time:**_ 6:31 pm_

_Dick: _I hear the Council's really worked up now.

_Donna: _My sister's pretty mad.

_Roy: _You think Ollie and Wally did it?

_Dick: _Hell if I know. Anyway, we have more important business. How're we going to get Orion?

_Donna: _Actually, I have an idea. But I think we should wait a few days so we don't get blamed for what's going on now.

_Roy: _Let's set a date, what about January 4th?

_Dick: _Works for me. By the way, is the Council still spying on Wally and Ollie?

_Donna: _Diana said that they gave up.

_Roy: _Why?

_Donna: _Kai-ro revolted. He got tired of following them around.

_Dick: _So…what're they doing now?

…………………………

**Location:** The Fortress of Solitude  
**Date: December 31, 2058  
Time:**_ 7:12 pm_

_Clark (to himself):_ That's it. I'm spending the night here.

……………………….

_Next chapter:__ Ollie and Wally's prank reaches its conclusion! Who will have fallen for it?_

_Clark and Vic__: Shamelessly raise their hands._


	40. Chapter 40

**This Ain't the Golden Years**

**Chapter 40**

**Excerpt from Diana's Phone Conversation with Clark Kent:  
Time:** 7:58 pm

_Diana: _Clark, what the hell are you doing at the Fortress of Solitude?

_Clark_:...Uh…

_Diana: _Are you hiding?

_Clark (defensively): _No!

_**Pause**_

_Clark: _Maybe

_Diana: _You know…I think Bruce is right. You're getting too worked up over this.

_Clark: _No I'm not!

_Diana (dryly): _Uh huh.

_Clark: _You sound like Lois.

_Diana: _At least there're _two_ adults around here.

_Clark: (Glaring at his cell phone.)_

_Diana (gives up): _Okay, _fine_. But as long as you're hiding up there…

_Clark: _I'm not hiding!

_Diana (ignoring him): _…you can at least look through the League applications for membership.

_Clark_:...Fine

_Diana (sweetly): Goodnight _Clark!

_Clark_:…Women…

_**A little later:**_

_Clark: (Looking over membership applications.)_

_Clark: _Who the heck is Zeta?

…………………………………………………

**Location:** The Batcave  
**Time:** 9:21 pm

_Bruce: (Suspicious Glare)_

_Terry: Now_ what?

_Bruce_: You're the one who caused the mess on the Watchtower, aren't you?

_Terry (innocent as an angel):_ No I'm not.

_Bruce: (Lifts an eyebrow)._

_Terry_:…

_Bruce (warning):_ McGinnis…I don't appreciate being lied to.

_Terry:_ Yeah…sorry.

_Bruce:_ So?

_Terry:_ What?

_Bruce:_ I know Iris helped you.

_Terry:_ Dammit!

_Bruce:_ The Council wants you suspended.

_Terry_:…

_Bruce (dryly):_ Don't worry, I haven't told them it was you two. And I won't…so long as you trade me information.

_Terry (dryly):_ That's blackmail.

_Bruce:_ I learn from the best.

_Terry:_ Is that a compliment?

_Bruce:_ Who said I was talking about you?

_Terry:_ Me.

_Bruce:_…

_Terry:_ What kind of info?

_Bruce:_ What are the two miscreants up to?

_Terry:_ Uh…

_Bruce:_ I have J'onn's number on speed dial.

_Terry:_…Only if you promise not to tell anyone else.

_Bruce:_ I'll be the judge of that.

_Terry:_ But…

_Bruce:_ J'onn. Speed dial. Angry Martian.

_Terry:_ That's not funny!

_Bruce:_ It's not a joke. Now, what are they doing?

_Terry:_ Nothing.

_Bruce: (Glare)_

_Terry:_ Really, they're doing nothing. Ollie and Wally just wanted to psyche everyone out.

_Bruce:_…

_Terry:_ Well?

_Bruce:_ What?

_Terry:_ Are you going to tattle?

_Bruce (Glare): Tattle?_

_Terry:_ Tattle.

_Bruce:_ I never 'tattle.' I inform people of pressing information.

_Terry:_ Tattle.

_Bruce: (Glare)_

_Terry:_ Seriously though…

_Bruce:_ No, I'm not. This can be a lesson to the others.

_Terry:_ Don't flip out?

_Bruce:_ I was going to say, 'Never underestimate Green Arrow and the Flash.'

_Terry:_…

_Bruce:_ But 'Don't flip out' works too.

………………………………………………………

**Location:** The West home  
**Time:** 10:05 pm

_Wally:_ Yeeessss?

_Shayera: (Glare)_

_Wally:_ What's that look for?

_Shayera:_ You know what.

_Wally: (Innocent)_

_Shayera:_ Just so you know, John, Clark, and Vic are having a holy fit.

_Wally (slightly disappointed):_ Only them?

_Shayera: (Suspicious glare)_

_Wally:_ Come on Shay…isn't anyone else worked up?

_Shayera: (Raises an eyebrow)_

_Shayera:_ Okay, what are you two really after?

_Wally:_ Two more hours, can't you wait?

_Shayera: (Glare)_

_Wally:_ Seriously, no one else is scared? What about the Bats?

_Shayera:_…Well…

_Wally:_ Pleeeaassseee…

_Shayera:_ I think Bruce is worried, but not as much as the others. Clark's hiding at the Fortress of Solitude,…

_Wally:_ Seriously!?

_Shayera:_ John and Rex refuse to step on either the Watchtower or the Metrotower…

_Wally: (Laughing)_

_Shayera:_…Vic, Helena informs me, is currently inseparable from his laptop…

_Wally: (Still laughing)_

_Shayera (smirking now):_ Barda and Orion are keeping their weapons close at hand, Dr. Fate's not answering his phone calls, and Kai-ro's meditating.

_Wally:_ What about Diana?

_Shayera:_ She refuses to run. Currently she and J'onn are watching The Incredibles and are sipping on iced mochas.

_Wally:_ Huh. I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

_Shayera:_…You two aren't really doing anything…are you?

_Wally:_ Promise not to tell?

_Shayera (smirks):_ And ruin the fun?

………………………………………..

**Excerpt from Roy's Phone Conversation with Ollie:  
Time:** 10:41 pm

_Roy:_ Come on Ollie…

_Ollie:_ I'm not telling!

_Roy:_ Please?

_Ollie:_ No.

_Roy:_ Pleeaassee?

_Ollie:_ I said no!

_Roy:_ Dammit, it was worth a try.

_Ollie:_ One hour and twenty minutes.

_Roy:_ Come on…I'm on egg shells here!

_Ollie:_ You can wait like everyone else!

_**Pause**_

_Ollie:_ Is Supes _really_ hiding at the Fortress?

_Roy:_ That's what I hear.

………………………………..

**Location:** The Fortress of Solitude  
**Time:** 10:55 pm

_Clark:_ Hmm…I'll have to ask Bruce about this Zeta guy. I remember him mentioning him before. Let's see, who else is on the list…

_Clark:_ Squirrel Girl? What kind of name is that?

_**Phone rings**_

_Clark:_ Uh…

_**Phone rings**_

_Clark:_ Uh…Lois?

_Lois:_ Clark!

_Clark:_ …What?

_Lois:_ You know what! My husband is not going to spend the night hiding in a cave.

_Clark (defensively):_ It's not a cave.

_Lois:_ I don't care if it's the Taj Mahal! You either come home now or spend the next week sleeping on the couch!

_Clark:_ Yes dear.

………………………………..

**Location:** The Watchtower  
**Time:** 11:00 pm

_Diana:_ Darn, the movie's over.

_J'onn:_ Should we watch another one?

_Diana:_ I don't know…I'm curious to see what the Terrible Two are going to do.

_J'onn: (Smiles)_

_Diana:_ Wait a minute…You know!

_J'onn:_ I know many things, please elaborate.

_Diana:_ Stop stalling! You know what they're planning! Admit it!

_J'onn:_ Yes, I did read their minds.

_Diana:_ So…

_J'onn:_ One more hour.

_Diana:_ Damn.

_Diana:_…

_Diana:_ Want to watch Shrek?

……………………………………….

**Location:** The Szasz (Sage) home  
**Time:** 11:12 pm

_Vic:_ Helena! Give it back!

_Helena:_ Vic, if you don't go to bed, I'm throwing your laptop out of the window!

_Vic:_ Do you know how much that cost!

_Helena:_ It's not worth as much as my sanity!

_Vic:_ But…

_Helena:_ And believe me, Mister. After being married to you and having three of your children, sanity is a luxury!

_Vic: (Sighs)_

_Helena:_ I'm waiting…

_Vic:_ Can I have it back?

_Helena:_ I'm thinking.

_Vic:_ I'll help you pull one over on Dinah if let me have it back.

_Helena:_ Hmm…

_Vic:_ Helena?

_Helena:_ All right, but only until midnight. Then we're going to bed.

_Vic's inner thought:_ Wait for it…

_Helena:_ Then we take out that witch.

_Vic's inner thought:_ Works every time.

_Vic:_ Midnight, fine. Stress now, sleep later.

_Helena:_ Now what can I do to that woman this time?

……………………………..

**Location:** The Kent home  
**Time:** 11:22 pm

_Lois:_ Clark…

_Clark:_ I can't sleep Lois.

_Lois: (Sighs)_

_Lois:_ Well I can't with you fidgeting like that.

……………………………..

**Location:** The Stewart home  
**Time:** 11:31 pm

_Rex:_ Aren't you worried Mom?

_Shayera:_ Who? Me?

_John:_ She knows something.

_Shayera:_ Hmm, I think I'll go take a shower.

_John:_ Shayera!

_Rex:_ Mom!

…………………….

**Location:** The McGinnis home  
**Time:** 11:38 pm

_Terry:_ ZZZzzzzzz…

_Matt: (Putting his mother's lipstick on Terry's face)_

…………………………….

**Location:** The Batcave  
**Time:** 11:39 pm

_Bruce: (Watching an old Grey Ghost episode.)_

_Ace:_ Zzzz…

…………………………..

**Location:** The Kent home  
**Time:** 11:42 pm

_Clark:_ Damn Wally.

_Krypto:_ Zzzzz…

_Clark:_ Damn Ollie.

_Lois: (Rolls her eyes)_

………………………….

**Location:** The Metrotower  
**Time:** 11:47 pm

_Orion: (Glaring at everyone)_

_Barda: (Checking her weapons)_

_Mr. Miracle: (Ignoring them as he reads a book.)_

_Barda:_ You ready?

_Orion: (Nods his head)_

_Mr. Miracle: (Sighs dramatically.)_

……………………..

**Location:** The Stewart home  
**Time:** 11:49 pm

_Shayera:_ La la la…!

_John:_ You can't ignore me forever!

…………………………

**Location:** The Watchtower  
**Time:** 11:50 pm

_Diana:_ Ten minutes.

_J'onn:_ Indeed.

_Diana:_ We're out of popcorn.

…………………………….

**Location:** The Metrotower  
**Time:** 11:52 pm

_Barda:_ So on the count of three we'll…

_Mr. Miracle_:…

………………..

**Location:** The Batcave  
**Time:** 11:55 pm

_Bruce (on the phone):_ Barbara…shouldn't you be sleeping?

_Barbara:_ Shouldn't you?

_Bruce:_ They're not doing anything, just to let you know.

_Barbara:_ Oh. _(Disappointed)_

………………………………..

**Location:** The Grayson home  
**Time:** 11:56 pm

_Dick:_ This is gonna be great!

_Starfire:_ Sure. Great.

………………………

**Location:** Themyscira  
**Time:** 11:57 pm

_Hippolyta:_ Donna? What are you _doing_ child?

_Donna:_ Three more minutes. Three more minutes…

_Hippolyta: (Throws up her hands in defeat.)_

_Donna:_ Three more minutes.

…………………………………

**Location:** The Watchtower  
**Time:** 11:58 pm

_Diana:_ Sniff

_J'onn:_ Are you crying?

_Diana:_ This part always gets me.

_J'onn:_ 'Ogres are like onions'..?

_Diana:_ Sniff. It's so sad.

………………………….

**Location:** The Kent home  
**Time:** 11:59 pm

_Clark:_ I swear to Heaven, my New Year's resolution to get Ollie and Wally back for all the shit they've pulled on me this year.

……………………………….

**Location:** The West home  
**Time:** 12:00 am

_Wally:_ Champagne?

_Linda:_ Sure.

…………………..

**Location:** The Queen home  
**Time:** 12:00 am

_Ollie:_ ZZZzzzz…

_Dinah:_ I can't believe you fell asleep.

…………………………

**Location:** The Stewart home  
**Time:** 12:01 am

_John_:…?

_Rex:_ Well…the world didn't blow up.

_Shayera: (smiling)_

_John:_ Okay Shay…what did they do?

………………………

**Location:** The Szasz home  
**Time:** 12:02 am

_Helena:_ Well?

_Vic:_…

_Helena:_ I know you're monitoring the League's security and comm. systems.

_Vic:_ Nothing happened.

_Helena:_ Give it a few more minutes.

_Vic:_ No, if it was something big, we'd be hearing about it by now.

_Helena:_ So…nothing?

_Vic:_ Nothing.

_Helena:_ Nada?

_Vic:_ Nada.

_Helena:_ So you got worked up for nothing?

_Vic:_ It appears so.

_Helena:_…

_Helena:_ Good night Vic.

_Vic:_ Damn them.

……………………………….

**Location:** The Kent home  
**Time:** 1:00 am

_Lois (tiredly):_ Give it up Smallville. Nothing's going to happen.

_Clark:_ I can't believe this!

_Lois:_ You sound almost disappointed.

_Clark:_ But I was so sure…

_Lois (muttering in her sleep):_ They pulled one over you.

_Clark:_ But I was a reporter! How could I…

**Time:** 2:00 am

_Clark:_ That's it. No more Boyscout. This year I'm going to get them back.

…………………

**Location:** The Metrotower  
**Time:** 3:00 am

_Orion:_ That's it?

_Barda:_ Damn.

_Orion:_ I was hoping for a fight.

_Mr. Miracle:_ Zzzzz….

…………………………………

**Author's Chapter Announcement:** Happy Belated New Year's. This is the end of this story. I will continue the next chapter in **This Ain't the Golden Years II** since this one is already at 40 chapters.

Squirrel Girl is a Marvel Character. She probably won't make any kind of cameo, I just couldn't think of another name for Clark to look at besides Zeta.


End file.
